Archives for August, 2006
Posted on 08 31, 2006 under The Manual by
Noodad |
While on vacation, you and your family will typically eat out more often than
you do when you are at home. The variety of food and the fact you don’t
have to cook or clean feels real good at first. But, after a few days
of it, you will start to realize that the Kid’s Menu at most
restaurants tend to offer the same things. And unfortunately it isn’t
about the quality of the restaurant either. Restaurants from Denny’s to
5 Star establishments tend to list similar offerings.
Most Kid’s Menus carry the traditional hot dog, hamburger/cheeseburger, pizza, chicken nuggets, and the dreaded Mac and Cheese. Most kids will love those options. But soon you will realize your kids have eaten Mac and Cheese every meal for 3 days. You need some relief. And your kids need something green in their diet. Fortunately there are a few things you can do to help.
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Posted on 08 30, 2006 under The Manual by
Noodad |
One
of the best parts of going on vacations with your kids is the ability
to experience new environments, events, and cultures. But one
unfortunate byproduct to traveling afar can be the jet lag. Jet lag for
adults are a pain in the ass. But with kids, it messes up more than a
routine. It screws with their world. After all, you and your wife may
have spent months getting your kids on a consistent sleep schedule only
for it to be screwed by a 6 hour flight across 3 time zones.
Last friday, my wife and I flew from Boston, Massachusetts to Oakland,
California, with our 2 kids. The flight was 6 and a half hours long and
it wasn't too bad considering my son is at the Curious George
stage. My wife and I thought we had it made: at most, a half hour of
screaming from my son on the plane. Not too shabby. But nothing could
prepare us for the pure hell we would endure friday night.
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Posted on 08 29, 2006 under The Manual by
foodad |
Congratulations on your international adoption. You were successful with the paper chase, you
endured harsh Siberian winter-like wait and you added another member to your
family. As the noodad of an internationally adopted
child, you face similar challenges to a parent who gave birth to their
children.
There is one fundamental difference. You have a sacred duty that biological
parents do not. You are the messenger
and protector of important information about your child: Their story.
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Posted on 08 24, 2006 under Brokedad by
foodad |
Caveats to this idea: YOU are responsible for the safety of
your children and probably would be held responsible if some other random kid
used this and got hurt. Make sure that
if you leave your area or leave for the day, you do not leave this full of water.
You need to take the shower curtain home with you.
The beach is a great place to take the kids. They love to play in the sand and splash in
the water. The only problem is that the
sand sticks to the globs of sunscreen you have caked on your pre-walker. By the
end of the day, they look like a sugar donut and even at bath time you are
still finding sand in their nooks and crannies.
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Posted on 08 22, 2006 under Brokedad by
foodad |
If you just read yesterday’s installment , you probably think
that your were reading an excerpt from Beaver Cleaver’s family vacation. Not so
my little friend. Our THE SHORE vacation
was not all pixie sticks and gumdrops, just like foodad senior, I had my share
of stupid things and general mishaps happen during the trip. Here’s a list of stuff I did wrong:
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Posted on 08 22, 2006 under The Manual by
Noodad |
If
you are like me, and you have a daughter, one day you may be faced with
the difficult task of doing her hair. I happen to find this whole idea
troubling and intensely frustrating. I rationalize the reason is
because I am a guy who has had short hair his entire life and has never
even used a comb. Ever. (In case you are interested, I personally feel
that asian dudes with long hair look weird.) I simply do not possess
the dexterity or the patience to accomplish this task. My wife thinks
different. She says that I need to add this skill to my list.
In my household, there is a strange miscommunication between my wife
and I on what "doing her hair" means. If you were to ask my wife, she
would tell you that "doing my daughter's hair" means the following
things:
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Posted on 08 22, 2006 under Brokedad by
foodad |
Back in the day, my dad would wake us up at the (_._) crack
of dawn. He would then proceed to toss my brother and I into the station wagon,
scream and yell at my mother while squeezing in a few more last minute
necessities, put the dog in the way-back, pay 88 cents a gallon for gas,
complain about it and then attempt to break the world record for slowest drive
time from Clevepuke, (not to be confused with Pittspuke or Pukesburg, PA) OH. to
Vacationland, USA,
also know as Buffalo, New York.
Some families have traditional vacations that they pass down
from generation to generation like “going to the lake” or whatever. All of my vacations as a kid were just as
lame as the one above. My old man and old lady’s idea of a vacation was what I
now call a DAYTRIP. Of course that is why I have chosen to do exact the
opposite of what my parents did. My kids
will benefit from the lameness of their grandparents.
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Posted on 08 20, 2006 under The Manual by
Noodad |
Diarrhea
sucks. It sucks when you, as an adult, gets it. Now imagine, when your
kid who can't really communicate to you gets it. No doubt, at some
point, your kid will get diarrhea and rest assured, your suspicions
will be correct. It will suck for you and it will suck for them.
Here's what you need to know when your kid gets the runs.
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Posted on 08 16, 2006 under Predad by
Noodad |
As
a dad-to-be you will be confronted with some terms that are confusing,
strange, and downright-alien. Never fear! Like Frank and Buster of the
Koala Brothers, "We're here to help!" Study them pre-dads. You will be
exposed to these terms, and knowledge of them will earn you some
serious points with the wife.
I am proud to present the third installment of the Predad Dictionary.
For this installment, we will concentrate on terms pertaining to tests
and checkpoints during pregnancy. Basically any thing that involves a
needle, a vial, or a machine touching your wife can be found here.
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Posted on 08 15, 2006 under The Manual by
Noodad |
A
wise man once said, "Shit Happens." And that person, despite what you
think you know, wasn't Forrest Gump. And until you reach that golden
age when your kids can tend to themselves, you will be changing some
diapers.
Although you may be more comfortable dropping the deuce in pre-approved
toilets, the white, plastic thing strapped to your kid's behind
has given them carte blanche to dump wherever they choose. No doubt,
they will exercise that right and will make deposits anytime, anyplace.
You need to be prepared. But you also need to know the rules to changing those
buggers in public and when you have guests.
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