Your Wife May Be Pimpin Your Kid on the Net
Posted on 03 14, 2007 under Technology, The Manual by foodad | Comments
You have ventured into their turf. You have seen them armed with their words of smiting and clad in +19 armor of contempt. You may have attempted to engage them in battle only to learn of their tendency to combine together like red, blue, green, yellow and “I’ll-form-the-head” black lion into a Voltron-like presence capable of devastating even the most determined, logical and reasonable foes. Even before the battle rages, each of them waves their internet family crests in a glorious display of hypocrisy. You see, these (primarily) extremely righteous women who would gnaw a predator’s flesh down to the bone if they so much as laid an eyeball on their kids, are unwittingly tossing them into the middle of the (information super) highway.
Noodads, I am bringing this up because it could be your wife.
Welcome to another installment of our weekly feature: Ask the Chick.
It’s one of the sweetest times for parents: the day when you say goodbye to diapers. No more blowouts or super soakers. No more wallet-busting mega packs on your Target sales slips. You do have to pay a price to reach this milestone, though—potty training.
You love to hold your newborn but after awhile, it gets to be a pain in your neck…and back and knees. Not figuratively but literally. The constant rocking and bouncing experienced in the first couple of months is a repetitive stress injury in the making!
Apparently there is some debate to the statement I once made that the Transformers are clearly better than the GoBots. I thought it was an open and shut case but I guess I was mistaken. So to prove my statement I have produced the following. Ask and ye shall receive redhawk: I present to you my reasons why the Transformers are better than GoBots.
Welcome to another installment of our weekly feature: Ask the Chick. The chick is Latia Harris, a noodad reader and mom with a lot of answers for you. Each week, Latia will answer the questions you don’t have the balls to ask your own wives.
Recently my son splashed a telemarketer with a glass of water. A few days ago he dropped a flower pot on someone’s head. He throws muffins at others with pinpoint accuracy. I can see where this is heading. In a few weeks he will be splitting the eardrums of his victims with the foghorn he just acquired. Don’t fret; I am not raising an antisocial maniac who is running amuck. My kid, like thousands of others, has found his way to Toontown. Disney’s Toontown is an interactive online community where kids become cartoon characters and battle evil robot Cogs in an expansive, virtual world. With hundreds of games, challenges and campaigns the game never actually ends, ever. And we like it. It is kid-safe and fun for the whole family. For less than seven bucks a month it is one of the best bargains we have found. It beats any kid’s software we have played so far. I hate to actually say it but the game really is Toontastic. Oh man, I think I just threw up a little.
Most kids don’t really need cell phones, but most of them could use a Blackberry or Palm Pilot to keep their weekly schedules. Parents track their kids’ whereabouts on color-coded calendars and spend a great deal of time shuttling them from one activity to another. That Dunkin’ Donuts commercial with the mom driving her kids all over creation in the minivan (Ka-ra-taaayyy!) is remarkably accurate. 
