Is Pregnancy Boob Soreness For Real?
Posted on 09 29, 2008 under Ask the Chick by TheChick | Comments
This is the continuation of our feature: Ask the Chick. The chick is Latia Harris (pictured above), a noodad reader and mom with a lot of answers for you. Each week, Latia will answer the questions you don’t have the balls to ask your own wives.
Q: My wife complains about her ever growing pregnancy breasts being too sore to touch. But there is no way something that looks that good can’t be enjoyed. Is she just exagerrating because she doesn’t want to fool around or do they really hurt as badly as she says?
— Boob Deprived, Holliston, MA
Remember when it was easier? All you had to concern yourself with was pleasing your wife and then taking care of yourself. For her, you cooked dinner every once in a while. You had flowers delivered to her work so she could show off to her co-workers. You even remembered to put down the toilet seat every once in a while when you thought the notion would get you some action.
There are many benefits to becoming a dad. By performing basic parenting tasks, you go through a magical metamorphosis and after a few months, what once was a flabby, lazy, lump of turd, has been transformed into a super hero. Yeah, that’s right, I called you a lump of turd. But I also called you a super hero so it’s all good.
Kids these days have better social lives than their parents. And parents have an appetite for al types of events and classes. With demand, comes supply. There are more options for kids these days than ever before. But when does a full schedule become an overcommitted one? My feeling is if you have a tough time answering this question, then your kid is overcommitted. And worse, you are probably the problem. So what causes this overbooking? 
At one point in your life, you will need to perform the finger sweep. No, this isn”t a sexual maneuver. Or if it is, that isn”t the finger sweep I”m talking about. I”m talking the finger sweep that involves a finger, your kid”s mouth, and some “possible” foreign choking object. I say “possible” because sometimes it is a false alarm. Thus the need for the finger sweep. 
Diarrhea sucks. It sucks when you, as an adult, gets it. Now imagine, when your kid who can’t really communicate to you gets it. No doubt, at some point, your kid will get diarrhea and rest assured, your suspicions will be correct. It will suck for you and it will suck for them.
Cry cry. Bawl bawl. Sometimes that”s the only thing you hear from your kids. It”s one thing to hear a whimper or the occasional scream, but when your kid goes full-on inconsolable, you can sometimes be left with a sense of hopelessness.
One of the most dreaded places for parents, while on vacation, is the gift shop. There’s nothing like paying an arm and a leg to go through an attraction, only to be forced to donate an organ and a gallon of blood at the gift shop. There should be no question that paying admission prices are usually worth the entertainment and educational value of the attraction. But, unfortunately, standard gift shop fare tends to be the same type of useless crap with a logo pasted on it.
There will come a time when your child, feeling like an animal cornered in a cage, will hit you. This can be a scary action on their part and a potentially humiliating one for you. It normally occurs because your kid doesn’t know how to express themselves in anger and their animal instincts react in the form of an open hand. When it happens, you’ll know it is purely instinctual because any physical assault on purpose would be a closed fist. It can also escalate into a full blown fit of rage—one in which you need to settle them down and explain ramifications for their actions.
