Routine Machine: Getting Your Kids on a Routine

What should your kid, Mike Hargrove and Nomar Garciaparra have in common? Nomah and Grover are both known for their religious home-plate routines. In fact, Mike Hargrove was called “The Human Rain Delay” for his painstakingly long performance. After each pitch, he would put the bat between his legs, fix his gloves, pick up the bat, knock the dirt off his spikes, straighten his cup, make sure his helmet was in place, take a few practice swings and then he”d be ready for a pitch.

It”s no wonder he has such a high lifetime .OBP. It was nearly impossible for pitchers to concentrate for his 10 minute at-bats.They often walked him. Of course we”ve all seem Nomah fix the gloves, kick his feet and take his check swings.

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Kids: Beware of Black Kittens with White Stripes Down Their Backs

‘So, there I was . . . just relaxing in front of the T.V. and then the kids yelled, “Hey Dad, come see the kittens.”

Potty University Part 1: Potty Prep

Dear [your username] (don"t have one? sign up! it"s free. We"d love to have you.)

Congratulations on yor acceptance to the Potty University! You are now challenged with the very important task of training your kid to trade in their Pampers in favor of some Fruit-of-the-Looms and an American Standard.  We know that this can often be an extremely daunting task for a noodad thinking about potty training.

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Megabloks Block Buddies Race ‘n Go Rig

For as long as I can remember, I have been a Lego purist. As a kid, I did not want to have anything to do with Tyco blocks, toobers and zots, tinker toys (maybe a little) or lincoln logs. So you can imagine that when the outlaws picked up the Megablocks Car Carrier for my son, I was an instant skeptic.

So I took it out of the package and removed all the twisties (a process that took less than 15 minutes) and put it in the basement. I didn"t touch it again until my son was about 13 months old. This was a great time to break it back out because he was able to crawl and babble and play.

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The Dangerous Book for Boys

Noodads, I've got good news and bad news for you today. Back in our hey day we could waste an entire saturday exploring the woods behind our houses, building random structures, and most importantly, burning things. Ah, those were the days. The bad news is that boys these days do not have nearly as much fun as we did.

The good news is your sons have it in them. They just need someone to teach them how much fun you can have with things that do not require batteries, electricity, or Wiimotes. So what are you waiting for? Go outside and start setting fire to things with your son!

If you are like me, those golden days of mindless fun and destruction are really vivid in your memory. But if you were to try to actually pass that knowledge onto your boy, you would be stumped. That's where "The Dangerous Book for Boys" comes in.

Want to win a free copy of this book? Details after the jump.

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What You Need to Know About the Pregnant Man

You have probably heard about the pregnant man but obviously have some serious questions. If you are like me, the questions start like this:”What the #$@%?” and “How the hell….”. What you really need are answers to the questions your wife will ask you.

Here’s what you need to know:
-The pregnant man’s name is Thomas Beatie.
-He is a transgendered man.
-He used to be a beauty queen.
-He has a uterus.

Now, here’s what you need to know when your wife starts to talk about it: Read the rest of this entry »

Zombie Strippers Movie: The Most Absurd Trailer of All Time?

You decide.

Going to Childbirth Class Part 2

I admit it. I probably am pretty close to the "scared of everything" noodad that Noodad refers to in part 1. Still, I thought birthing class was going to be a waste of time. I mean, I was born once, so I felt like I could use the wisdom of my past experience to guide me through it. Even though we were both sort of dreading it, my wife and I convinced each other that it would be a good thing. We went to one 10 hour session at the hospital where she was going to deliver our son for we could not bear the thought of multiple sessions. Afterwards, I felt as though I had spent the day with Pai Mei unlocking the secrets of the praying mantis style. Yes, I was greatly enlightened but it was extraordinarily painful.

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