You may be contemplating fatherhood and are scared to make the decision. Or you may have a kid on the way and are worried your life is over. If you watch television or movies you will have a very twisted idea of what fatherhood is. And just because your friends might go through hell, and can't stop talking to you about it, it does not mean you should take it as fact. That is why I, Noodad, am pleased to present to you, the Top 10 Myths of Fatherhood Debunked! Listen to the truth my friend, and then decide whether you want to join me in fatherhood. You will see, that you can't believe everything you see on TV.
Would you trust these two yokels with your kids? Noodad (right) and Foodad (left) will be appearing in an upcoming video spoof of a commercial. For our American audience, we hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend and for the rest of you, now you know why we did not have any new and interesting content today.
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In this world, there are baby locks. And then there are BABY LOCKS. One such lock that warrants an all-capped treatment is known as the cabinet flex lock from Safety 1st. It is also known in my house as the Bowtie of Pain. Perfect, isn"t it? The name? Before you go and try to register the domain, save yourself the trip, I already own Bowtieofpain.com. (OK, that is a lie. I have to stop lying to you people.) Those who have experienced this wunderkind of plastic will know that this lock combines protection, versatility, and swagger all into its yellow and gray body.
If you have a place that you want to protect from curious toddlers, use this lock. Heck, if you want to protect all your noodad.com stock from would be bank robbers, use this lock. Forget dobermans, this lock has more bite. He will knock your kid down and spit in their face for trying to defeat him. Read the rest of this entry »
Last weekend we took a quick trip to Omaha to see my folks and grandparents. My wife did all of the planning including the the car rental. She rocks. You should be so lucky to have someone plan entire trips for you. She asked the car rental company, Hertz, if they would provided a booster seat. They said, no problem. In my mind, booster seats and child seats in rental cars are as important as safety belts. I feel like they should be provided as a courtesy to a customer. I appreciate the fact that they need to pay for, maintain and clean them though and so this time we figured I would save ourselves some hassle and trying renting a booster seat.
You’ll notice many quirky behaviors by your spouse during her pregnancy, many of them hormonally driven. Whether you like it or not, you’ll be affected by these behaviors, too. Around the fifth month (on average, but can occur later in some women) you’ll take part in a phenomenon known as “nesting”.
Nesting refers to a mother’s innate response to prepare your offspring’s habitat prior to birth and it is something humans share with other members of the animal kingdom. Turn on Animal Planet or The Discovery Channel and you’ll see some examples. Read the rest of this entry »
It's a common scenario for new parents: you are driving in your car and you look in the backseat and your kid is munching on a book. Or you go into the other room for no more than 5 minutes and when you return, your kid has devoured the Pottery Barn catalog.
Today, I am here to tell you not to worry about it. It ain't the best thing for their virgin stomach lining but it ain't gonna kill them either. Kids at these ages are like goats: they will put whatever they can in their mouths. And who can blame them? They are either sucking on the boob eating the same thing day in and day out (the boob part ain't bad, it's the lack of variety) or when they graduate to solids, they are eating nothing but sludgy green stuff. Read the rest of this entry »
There is a small window of time in your kid"s young life when they are too young to play by themselves and too old to just sit on your lap. Their need for total attention coupled with their inability to quietly sit on the floor next to you can create headaches. This situation rears its ugly head at the worst times: when you are trying to watch the NFL Draft, when you are sitting at a Yanni concert, or when you are trying to check your email.
Email does not mean anything to a kid. All they see is another reason why you aren"t giving them 100% eyeball time. I mean, how, at their ripe age of 3 months, could they possibly care about making their penis bigger or helping out some widow from the Congo? My son frequently quits out of my mail program, damages keys, and types a whole bunch of "egbfhyhegbfuyeo" in my emails. This, to say the least, is unproductive. Read the rest of this entry »
The clock’s ticking, so let’s get right to it. Regardless of how cool an item you purchase for your wife, if signing the credit card slip at the mall or clicking the mouse on your computer represents your complete involvement in the Mother’s Day gift, you haven’t done enough. Oh, it might work the first year or two, but quickly you’ll learn that, at least for Mother’s Day: More Thought + More Effort = Better Gift.
It’s all about the kids. Make sure you add a kid angle to whatever you give your wife. Let’s take some of the items from Reviewdad’s gift list to see how this works. For the lunch tote, have your kids write a bunch of different messages on colored papers. Put them aside and slip one into the tote every once in a while when mom’s not looking. Think about how finding a simple note with the word “smile” written in your kid’s scrawl could turn her day around. For the yoga mat, if your kids are old enough, check out a book or video from the library and teach the kids some yoga poses so they can lead mom in an impromptu Mother’s Day yoga class. Read the rest of this entry »
You may be contemplating fatherhood and are scared to make the decision. Or you may have a kid on the way and are worried your life is over. If you watch television or movies you will have a very twisted idea of what fatherhood is. And just because your friends might go through hell, and can't stop talking to you about it, it does not mean you should take it as fact. That is why I, Noodad, am pleased to present to you, the Top 10 Myths of Fatherhood Debunked! Listen to the truth my friend, and then decide whether you want to join me in fatherhood. You will see, that you can't believe everything you see on TV.
Would you trust these two yokels with your kids? Noodad (right) and Foodad (left) will be appearing in an upcoming video spoof of a commercial. For our American audience, we hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend and for the rest of you, now you know why we did not have any new and interesting content today.
In this world, there are baby locks. And then there are BABY LOCKS. One such lock that warrants an all-capped treatment is known as the cabinet flex lock from Safety 1st. It is also known in my house as the Bowtie of Pain. Perfect, isn"t it? The name? Before you go and try to register the domain, save yourself the trip, I already own Bowtieofpain.com. (OK, that is a lie. I have to stop lying to you people.) Those who have experienced this wunderkind of plastic will know that this lock combines protection, versatility, and swagger all into its yellow and gray body.
You’ll notice many quirky behaviors by your spouse during her pregnancy, many of them hormonally driven. Whether you like it or not, you’ll be affected by these behaviors, too. Around the fifth month (on average, but can occur later in some women) you’ll take part in a phenomenon known as “nesting”.
It's a common scenario for new parents: you are driving in your car and you look in the backseat and your kid is munching on a book. Or you go into the other room for no more than 5 minutes and when you return, your kid has devoured the Pottery Barn catalog.
There is a small window of time in your kid"s young life when they are too young to play by themselves and too old to just sit on your lap. Their need for total attention coupled with their inability to quietly sit on the floor next to you can create headaches. This situation rears its ugly head at the worst times: when you are trying to watch the NFL Draft, when you are sitting at a Yanni concert, or when you are trying to check your email. 
The clock’s ticking, so let’s get right to it. Regardless of how cool an item you purchase for your wife, if signing the credit card slip at the mall or clicking the mouse on your computer represents your complete involvement in the Mother’s Day gift, you haven’t done enough. Oh, it might work the first year or two, but quickly you’ll learn that, at least for Mother’s Day: More Thought + More Effort = Better Gift.
