Archives for August, 2009
Posted on 08 29, 2009 under The Manual by
schneidermike |
Congratulations on your international adoption. You were successful with the paper chase, you
endured harsh Siberian winter-like wait and you added another member to your
family. As the noodad of an internationally adopted
child, you face similar challenges to a parent who gave birth to their
children.
There is one fundamental difference. You have a sacred duty that biological
parents do not. You are the messenger
and protector of important information about your child: Their story.
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Posted on 08 27, 2009 under Stuff by
cgillis |
The children in our household learned to surf the web before the age of five so I was not terribly surprised to find that they developed a level of sophistication that surpassed my own at the same age. This is progress. They seem a lot smarter than I was. Their little tastes and preferences seem much more refined. Maybe too refined. Take animation for example.
For $1.99 I recently downloaded Pixar’s short animated film One Man Band. My son has now seen this video about 100 times. The good people of Pixar, in their quest to develop incredibly realistic films, have raised the threshold of animation. One Man Band is perfect: wonderful animation, great music and a very amusing storyline. The boys love everything Pixar produces. One day I decided to test them, similar to the way in which one might try to test a top chef by substituting his foie gras with bologna. One day instead of Pixar’s shiny new animated feature I loaded a Popeye the Sailor cartoon; one that was clumsily crafted during the Eisenhower administration.
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Posted on 08 25, 2009 under Money by
schneidermike |
Caveats to this idea: YOU are responsible for the safety of
your children and probably would be held responsible if some other random kid
used this and got hurt. Make sure that
if you leave your area or leave for the day, you do not leave this full of water.
You need to take the shower curtain home with you.
The beach is a great place to take the kids. They love to play in the sand and splash in
the water. The only problem is that the
sand sticks to the globs of sunscreen you have caked on your pre-walker. By the
end of the day, they look like a sugar donut and even at bath time you are
still finding sand in their nooks and crannies.
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Posted on 08 22, 2009 under Money by
schneidermike |
Back in the day, my dad would wake us up at the (_._) crack
of dawn. He would then proceed to toss my brother and I into the station wagon,
scream and yell at my mother while squeezing in a few more last minute
necessities, put the dog in the way-back, pay 88 cents a gallon for gas,
complain about it and then attempt to break the world record for slowest drive
time from Clevepuke, (not to be confused with Pittspuke or Pukesburg, PA) OH. to
Vacationland, USA,
also know as Buffalo, New York.
Some families have traditional vacations that they pass down
from generation to generation like “going to the lake” or whatever. All of my vacations as a kid were just as
lame as the one above. My old man and old lady’s idea of a vacation was what I
now call a DAYTRIP. Of course that is why I have chosen to do exact the
opposite of what my parents did. My kids
will benefit from the lameness of their grandparents.
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Posted on 08 20, 2009 under The Manual by
schneidermike |
Description
As the CFO, Chief Fathering Officer, of Your Family, in your town, your state, you will leverage a myriad of professional, social and technical skills to support a potentially growing roster of dependents. You will lead projects in home repair, child discipline and directly support toilet training initiatives. You will continue to excel in your current job and will be directly responsible for putting together a plan to secure the organization's future physically, mentally and financially. This C-level role will put you in a lead consulting position with some of the global leaders in strategic misbehaving.
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Posted on 08 15, 2009 under Press by
gregoryng |
Introducing three new designs in the Noodad store. All shirts have
been reduced in price. Order fast, Noodad and Foodad change up the
designs every month! Click here to order now!
View the designs in detail after the jump.
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Posted on 08 13, 2009 under The Manual by
gregoryng |
Guys, there will come a time when your little dude or
dudette gets sick. Most likely, you will need to call the pediatrician
and they will no doubt ask you the question that may lead to a very
uncomfortable procedure. Your pediatrician will probably ask what your
kid's temperature is. But don't think you can stick that thermometer
under your kid's tongue, you need to start concentrating on sticking
that thing somewhere else. Because when the doctor asks for a
temperature, they mean a temperature from your kids poop hole.
Yes.
Rectal temperature readings are the most accurate way to take your
kid's temperature. Here's what you need to know about taking your kid's
temp rectally:
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Posted on 08 11, 2009 under The Manual by
gregoryng |
Murphy's Law: Any of certain humorous axioms stating that anything that can possibly go wrong, will go wrong.
There are many things that parents go through every day. Some of these
things are glorious: like a hug from your son or a smile from your
daughter. But some of these things are not so cheery. Sometimes, things
happen to you that you swear is the result of some higher power paying
you back for doing something really bad in a past life.
I call it "Baby Murphy's Law" and it can take any form. Baby Murphy's
Law events can be small and festering (like a wart) or they can be a
big deal—something that could very well put you over the edge of
sanity.
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Posted on 08 08, 2009 under Current Events by
schneidermike |
Let me just start by saying that I am not some hippy, tree hugging, make-love-not-war guy. I understand why someone would want to own a weapon. The second amendment to the Constitution of the United States ensures us all the right to bear arms. And whether you are of the belief that "guns kill people" or "people kill people" the fact that even one person owns a gun ensures that someone else is going to want to own a bigger gun in order to keep the other in check.
I read the news. I see what guns do
I have never felt compelled to own a weapon of my own.
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Posted on 08 06, 2009 under The Manual by
gregoryng |
So
you go through the entire process of adopting or birthing your first
kid. Now you're done right? Well, inevitably, you and your wife will
soon be barraged with the questions of when you are going to have more
kids. I have always felt that is an incredibly rude question. It's
really no one's business except you and your wife whether you decide to
have more kids.
There are many factors to consider when planning
for more kids. You have the social factor: how does having an only
child affect the way they are raised, and the way they are treated by
you and your wife? You also have the financial factor: can you possibly
afford another kid and all that kid will require? Remember, the Vagina is not a clown car (See image on right)
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