BOSTON
(Noodad) — Shares of foodad (symbol: FOO) stocks ended lower Monday as Gong Fu Dad
Conglomerate International allowed a later than average bedtime, but disallowed
a pre-snooze snack.
Gong Fudad, the household’s largest supplier of father
related goods and services, reported net bedtimes of 7:45, netting 15 minutes
below expected bedtime, or 2 minutes per share, compared with a loss of 10
minutes the night before.Gong Fu Dad
also reported later than expected work nights and a reduced overall quality
time with the kidsresulting in a lower
overall consumer confidence rating and causing investors and kids to look
elsewhere for parenting services.Super
Mom Inc (SMOM) stocks were up +5.00 on the news.
As a soon-to-be-dad you will be confronted with some terms that are confusing, strange, and downright-alien. Never fear! Like Frank and Buster of the Koala Brothers, "We"re here to help!" Study them pre-dads. You will be exposed to these terms, and knowledge of them will earn you some serious points with the wife. I am proud to present the first installment of the Predad Dictionary. For this installment, we will concentrate on terms pertaining to the vaginal area. Some of these terms are gruesome but better you hear it from me than discovering it for yourself. Read the rest of this entry »
Kids are great excuses to never do anything you used to like to do before you had them. You probably have not been to Las Vegas on a weekend bender with your buddies since they invaded your personal habitat. And when was the last time you saw a movie in the theater, went out raging until 3:00AM, streaked through Ann Taylor or went to a restaurant? Boohoodads, listen up. Yes. You can still go out to eat.
Those people that tell you that the “Terrible 2s” are bad, aren”t telling you the whole story. The whole truth is that Terrible 2s really last into the Terrible 3s. And both years are challenging.
Calling it the Terrible two slash threes, just didn”t roll off the tongue. So the good people who name these things must have decided, given the choice, to warn people at the earliest possible time. Thus the name, Terrible 2.
Millions of people look forward to their kid”s 3rd birthday hoping, that as they blow out the candles on their cake, out goes the demons that took over their 2 year old bodies. That just doesn”t happen. The tantrums continue, the different ways your child can contradict you grows, and the Time Outs increase. Read the rest of this entry »
You see it all the time on tv shows like Law & Order or movies like Turner and Hooch. When order needs to be restored or when answers need to be extracted, one of the most effective ways of achieving cooperation is to beat the subject into submission. And the first step in breaking down stubborn barriers is to play with the suspects' minds a bit. This can be pulled off by playing the ol' Good Cop/Bad Cop maneuver.
Good Cop/Bad Cop is the name for when one person yells, threatens, and berates a subject, and then their teammate plays nice and tries to appear compassionate. Eventually, the suspect will give in to one of the approaches (each appearing extreme in contrast with one another) and the task is completed. Read the rest of this entry »
This past rainy, New England,
Columbus day,
we decided to get a jump on this year's Christmas shopping.After brief stops at the craft store, the
shoe warehouse and Marshall’s,
we landed at the “Worlds Biggest Toy store”, Toys R Us.
After about 30 minutes in the place, I noticed a disturbing
trend.Nearly all of the toys have some
kind of button that makes it talk, plays a song or causes some kind of
movement.After extrapolation of all possible
outcomes, I was gripped by fear. My fear was that if I continued to buy my kids
the toys that they like, they are never going to have to use their imaginations
the way that I did as a kid.
Today was the 4th birthday party for my daughter. We had it at a farm. We went on a hayride. We picked pumpkins. A ton of people came. But the highlight of the day was shooting this video.
The fact is that even cute and cuddly babies get dirty. Whether you bathe them in the tub or in the sink, you need to be very careful when drying them off. In todays first installment of the Noodad “How Not To” series, we take a look at the proper way to get that little monster dried off.
I will start by explaining it here and then if you like, you can me demonstrate on the next page how to and how not to dry a baby. In coming weeks, we will return to Noodad Labs and enlist the help of stunt babies like Baby Alex to show you a good way to accomplish daily kid care tasks. Remember, the “How Not To”s are strictly that. Do not try these at home. Our stunt babies are here to demonstrate the perils of fumbling through fatherhood with no guide so that you do not have to!
There
is a technique that you need to know. It is guaranteed to stop your
crying baby instantaneously. It is extremely easy to execute and it's
power is half Jedi Mind Trick, half Vulcan Death Grip.
Yet no one ever seems to talk about it. In fact, my wife and I would
never have known it if our kid's pediatrician didn't tell us. So why
the secrecy? Probably because no one has the balls to reveal the
secret. I am proud to announce that my balls are fully loaded. Here's
how to perform the only anti-crying maneuver you will ever need. Read the rest of this entry »
So
your wife is in the third trimester and both of you are counting down
the days. She may have already started dilating and may already be on
maternity leave. You, on the other hand, need to continue to go to
work, anxiously awaiting the phone call, with the words, "It's time."
on the other end.
That can be really stressful—juggling
concentration at work with concentration on your needy wife and
soon-to-be kid. Guess what? Get used to it. Because once that baby
comes, you will be stressed out about that all the time. But I digress:
that's a different article.
As a soon-to-be-dad you will be confronted with some terms that are confusing, strange, and downright-alien. Never fear! Like Frank and Buster of the Koala Brothers, "We"re here to help!" Study them pre-dads. You will be exposed to these terms, and knowledge of them will earn you some serious points with the wife. I am proud to present the first installment of the Predad Dictionary. For this installment, we will concentrate on terms pertaining to the vaginal area. Some of these terms are gruesome but better you hear it from me than discovering it for yourself. 
Kids are great excuses to never do anything you used to like to do before you had them. You probably have not been to Las Vegas on a weekend bender with your buddies since they invaded your personal habitat. And when was the last time you saw a movie in the theater, went out raging until 3:00AM, streaked through Ann Taylor or went to a restaurant? Boohoodads, listen up. Yes. You can still go out to eat.
You see it all the time on tv shows like Law & Order or movies like Turner and Hooch. When order needs to be restored or when answers need to be extracted, one of the most effective ways of achieving cooperation is to beat the subject into submission. And the first step in breaking down stubborn barriers is to play with the suspects' minds a bit. This can be pulled off by playing the ol' Good Cop/Bad Cop maneuver.
There
So
