5 Diaper Changing Challenges For Manly Men

There are some things in life that you simply cannot avoid. No matter what you do it hunts you down like a demon. You make excuses, you put up obstacles and still, inevitably, you fail. It's called diaper duty.

If you dislike changing diapers, you aren't alone. It's messy business after all. You are, wiping someone else's ass. Sometimes 8 to 10 times a day. I don't think too many people will stand in line for that opportunity.

Don't worry, your wife doesn't like to do it either. And that's the number one reason why you should bite the bullet and do it for the both of you. Putting it out on the line with a simple Tour of Dootie will be met with gratitude and can mean the difference between going Han Solo and putting the "lay" in Princess Leia.

But don't fret! Taking care of business doesn't mean you can't have fun in the process.  Nothing is going to come easy. You need to make up your own fun. And when it comes to guys, challenge=fun. A hearty dose of testosterone and a little "you looky crazy in the head" is all you need to complete these challenges. Here are 5 Diaper Changing Challenges For Real Men:

The Pit Stop Diaper Change
Whether you know about racing or not (and if you think NASCAR is racing, you clearly don't know F1), the idea of a pit stop and the crew that works it is one of the coolest things in the world. It's the blissful combination of machinery, speed, and machismo. Refueling and changing 4 tires in less than 10 seconds is BAD ASS. That's why you should pretend a diaper change is the same way. Time yourself. Then, try to beat your time. Feel free to make those cool lugnut-tightening sounds in the process. Under 30 seconds is world class. And I challenge anyone to change a poopy infant with those snaps al up and down the pants in less than 60 seconds.

The Ninja Diaper Change
This one is very challenging and may require some practice. If your kid is asleep, try to change their diaper without waking them up. I learned this technique when I studied under Ninja Mike in the House of Foo . Here's a hint: make sure your hands aren't cold or you will blow your cover. You get mad props from the Noodad Dojo if you can take a rectal temp as well.

The Fugitive Diaper Change
For the most advanced player on the diaper changing circuit: Try changing your kid's diaper one-handed. You might be able to get the pants down and the onesie unbuttoned, but try propping the legs up while wiping all with the use of one hand. And once you get good at it, try switching the kid's head position and use the same hand. A simple 180 degree switch can own you.

Bjorn-Style Diaper Change
This challenging maneuver involves you trying to change your kid's diaper while holding them. You may think this is absurd but you will be surprised how this can come in handy. I have actually had to do this once in a crazy filthy public restroom. If you want to avoid the ol' firehose, try to hold them faced out if they are boys. Hold them like you did that time by the lake in Naboo. Because if you loosen your grip, that kid could jump out and you will be left with an unconscious kid and a big mess to clean up. Bonus points if you accomplish this while in a suit on your way to work.

Free Willy Diaper Change
This is for the most daring and most insane of diaper changers. Warning: Only those with strong constitutions should continue reading this one as it has been known to make a man vomit in an instant. Leave the Pee Pee Tee Pees for the woman folk. Only a dad can look that serpent in the eye and dare it to strike. When changing a boy, let'em go Free Willy style. You will try to concentrate on the task at hand. But only a man with true grit and determination can push the thought of getting whizzed on out of their head. The real challenge is just let your boy hang out there with the possibility of being pistol whipped. Are you man enough?

If you can do all of these manuevers, noodads, you rule. If not, don't worry: anything you can do to make diaper changing less of a routine will benefit you and your kid in the long run. Good luck.