I like to pinch my wife’s butt
Posted on 01 29, 2007 under Ask the Chick by TheChick | 
This is the second installment of our weekly feature: Ask the Chick. The chick is Latia Harris (pictured above), a noodad reader and mom with a lot of answers for you. Each week, Latia will answer the questions you don’t have the balls to ask your own wives.
Q: Dear Chick, I like to show affection to my wife and mother of my 2 kids. Sometimes that involves pinching her on the butt both in private and in public. My kids think it’s funny. My wife does not. How do I keep the “fire” alive without making her feel embarrassed? -The Pincher
A: Dear Pincher,
After some years together and two children, you and your wife are waaaaaaaaay past the point of spontaneous loving and riding the delicious wave of teenage hormones and what not. Now you have to start putting forth a bit more effort than a pinch on the butt.
{mosnooad}You have to focus on making her feel good. The grab on the toosh makes you happy. It makes you feel good. It makes your wife feel like a piece of meat. And feeling like a piece of meat makes your wife feel unattractive and unsexy…and who wants to have sex when they feel ugly? Right now, you need to think about what makes your wife feel good and feel attractive. You need to figure out a way to make her feel beautiful.
How does that work? You need to talk to her. Communicate with her. Ask her what feels good, ask her what she likes, what she wants, and follow through with those requests. Keep the lines of communication open. Take her on a date-a real date without the kids. Meet her in a bar and pretend like you don’t know one another. Oh, and be sure to remember to keep up the good work. If you have to, like my boyfriend, write a note to yourself where you can see it everyday. Make her feel special and important. Try to remember what you did to keep the spark alive when you were younger. Try to apply those same things to “the now.”
Steven Colbert is funny. Global Grover is funny. Pinching your wife’s butt to show affection is not funny. If your kids think any affection towards your wife is funny, chances are, it isn’t going to keep the flame alive.
And another thing: the whole butt pinching in front of your kids is setting a bad example for them. If you have a son, you are telling him that a pinch on the butt is the proper way to treat a woman that you love. If you have a daughter, you are showing her that love and respect equals a pinch on the butt. By setting a better example for your children, you’re ensuring that they don’t run off and marry bikers, ex-cons, and failed (or successful) rock musicians.
May the force be with you.
Good Luck,
The Chick
Have a question for The Chick? Send to contact {at} noodad.com with Ask The Chick in the subject line.
January 30th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Pinching your wife\’s ass around the house, while leaving a restaurant, or standing in line at a wake may have been acceptable before kids; but you especially have to realize the message it sends to your offspring. Latia is right on target. Kids will learn from, and mimic, your actions. If you\’re doing this at home, don\’t be surprised by a call from the preschool because your little boy is grab-assing in the dramatic play area during an innocent game of house.
February 5th, 2007 at 4:46 am
I agree that if his wife does not like to be pinched, then in this particular case he should not do it because it makes her uncomfortable. However, in general I think a pinch on the butt can be a cute sign that a husband still loves his wife and finds her sexy. Personally I like when my husband does this, and we both understand the message it sends. It makes us feel close for that tiny moment in our otherwise hectic day.
Also, I don\’t think giving a pinch in front of the children is bad at all if both the \”mommy\” and \”daddy\” obviously like it! The children are learning that it is OK to be affectionate with your partner, and that playfulness and levity toward sexuality will be passed on! I don\’t think it\’s necessarily disrespectful, and certainly doesn\’t have to leave the woman feeling like a piece of meat!
PS - I don\’t ever remember a game of house being \”innocent\”…
February 5th, 2007 at 10:19 am
The person asking the question said that his wife didn\’t like the pinching. That\’s what I commented on. Rose makes a good point, though. This can be a healthy, playful expression if both people involved don\’t mind. Once the pinchee says \”no\”, though, the pincher should cease.
Maybe times have changed, but when I was growing up, \’house\’ was innocent. It was \’doctor\’ that you had to look out for…
February 5th, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Thanks wahoodad for backing me up. That wasw pretty much the point of the entire response…the wife didn\’t like it, the kids were laughing, and the dad didn\’t know what else to do.
As for having to look out for \’doctor\’…Every play \’Plastic Surgeon\’ when the school bully tries to rearrange your face? Not. fun. at. all.
August 14th, 2007 at 7:14 am
Teasing is fun when BOTH parties are having fun. Otherwise it is as wrong as bullies on the playground. This is the principle that I plan to teach my nephews and nieces and, eventually, my own children.
Growing up, I experienced a lot of playful teasing from my dad. Even now (I\’m 28) there is a good deal left. He even taught us as teasing some things that I\’ve found out other people find offensive. I don\’t just mean the \”I\’ve got your nose\” gesture, which is obscene in some cultures, but the \”thumb your nose\” gesture, which is obscene in America, and once offended my grandmother. (Until she and one of my mom\’s acquaintances both reacted with extreme offense to my thumbing-the-nose at them, I had no idea that it was anything but playful. It\’s one of the strongest family-bonding gestures we grew up with.)
Among other things not to do in public, whenever I see a family member bending over, I swat them on the butt (not too hard, though). Happens most often with my mom. Picked it up from my dad.
My dad\’s sister got horrendously offended when she found out that Dad will say to Mom, \”Woman, where\’s my coffee?\” But even though the way he says it isn\’t in an obviously joking manner, it\’s a joke. And it\’s not only my aunt who was offended; this comment, and some similar things, led to my mom\’s skating teammates giving her literature on battered spouses.
I\’m currently teaching my nephew some gentle teasing. (I\’m also teaching him a good deal of patent nonsense, such as teaching him about Knids and Wet Floor Sign Plants, but I figure that\’s my right as his aunt, and much more colorful than Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy.) It\’s a form of bonding and has more than once redirected the energy of what was shaping up to be a more serious argument or even worse.
As for shows of affection between Mom and Dad: As long as both are enjoying it, this should be openly displayed in front of the kids from an early age. (If you need some ideas, I hear the Addams Family original series had a lot of good visual romance between Gomez and Morticia.) Kids need to know that parents still love and enjoy each other, and that it\’s natural and pleasurable to be in the relationship. It will give them a sense of security and a healthy attitude saved up for when they choose mates.
I once saw part of an ep of That Seventies Show, in which one of the guys was traumatized by seeing his parents making out. Now, I recall once as a little kid walking in on my parents in bed, and their yelling at me to get out was a little traumatic (I don\’t recall how old I was, but even now I don\’t like to enter my parents\’ bedroom when one of them has gone to bed, even when the other\’s not home), but there\’s no reason for a teen to be traumatized by the thought that his parents are sexual creatures. Making it open instead of secret will prevent The Big Revelation.
As for pinching her butt… I don\’t get why this is sexy. I\’ve never understood why butts are sexy to begin with. But if she did like it, go with it. Each married couple, each family has to come up with its own routines, its own traditions, its own forms of teasing and fun, and maintain a sense of unity and uniqueness by doing so. And if you don\’t have a good set of traditions, MAKE them! These are what keep families together, both when they\’re alive and later on when the children are recalling their parents or passing down those traditions to their grandchildren.