When “Nothing” Means “Something”

Posted on 04 17, 2007 under Ask the Chick by TheChick | Comments

atclogo_smWelcome to another installment of our weekly feature: Ask the Chick. The chick is Latia Harris, a noodad reader and mom with a lot of answers for you. Each week, Latia will answer the questions you don’t have the balls to ask your own wives.

Dear Chick,
What do women mean when they say not to get them anything for the birthday and then when you don’t they don’t talk to you all night? She says I could have at least bought her a card. I say shelling out 3 bucks for a piece of paper is considered a gift. Help!

Dear Dude,

This is a very common predicament amongst the male and female species. My boyfriend and I go through this situation on every birthday/Hallmark Holiday and it just about always, ALWAYS ends up with him on the couch. I guess he’ll never learn. But this is your chance to learn!

What we mean when we say “nothing” is that we want something.

We don’t get specific about the gifts we wish to receive because we are either afraid of disappointment or we have no clue exactly what we want. So we like to leave it up to you to guess. I know, it’s unfair…but that’s life. Your best bet in this situation is to get something sparkly, preferably diamonds (after all, they’re a girl’s best friend).

And a tip to you, if it’s got “Hallmark” on it, it’s not a gift. If it folds, it is not a gift. If it has a cord, it is not a gift.

Good Luck,

The Chick

Have a question for the chick? Email her at contact {at} noodad {dot} com with “Ask the Chick” in the subject line.

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Viewing 5 Comments

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    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA DIAMONDS!! hHAAHAHaHAHAAHAHA

    :grin :grin :grin :grin

    hohohoho Latiah! hooooo!

    That was a good one!

    foodad
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    Hmmmm...is that sarcasm I sense?
    Just a little?

    Did I make a funny?
    Because I was totally serious.

    Sparkly things makes women feel warm and fuzzy inside...

    When in doubt? Buy diamonds.
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    Foodad, if you don\'t have piles of extra cash laying around for diamonds, I recommend the Rapala X-Rap Deep 10 freshwater fishing lure in Glass Ghost finish. Not only is it shiny, but it\'s got realistic swimming action!
    • ^
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    Noodads,

    A good rule of thumb is that if she \"needs\" it, it\'s not going to go over well.

    Never get them something they need. To be on the safe side, also eliminate things they can use. I don\'t care how many times they\'ve asked for a \"Magic Bullet\". Do not get it as a gift.

    Bringing one home out of the blue on a shopping trip does not count. She might think that\'s cool, but do not expect her to count it as a gift.

    foodad

    HAHAHAHAH DIAMONDS!! hahahahaha

    You\'re the greatest Latia!
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    Okay, so we all know that feeling when you tear open your Christmas present and realize it\'s two pairs of socks, wrapped in a pair of underwear. (And I don\'t mean lickable lingerie.)

    It\'s even worse on birthdays, because there are fewer presents to unwrap. And it\'s much, much worse when it\'s the present from your hubby. Getting something pragmatic, something you need, only works in a few very, very special cases. For example, something \"needed\" for a hobby. If my dad ever got the clue to buy my mom a good pair of competition-viable skates, she\'d be grinning from here to next Christmas. Same thing, I think, with buying a guy a good golf club (though I wouldn\'t know much about that, since no one in my family golfs).

    I suppose another good \"need\" would be along the lines of \"I know your old car was on its last legs, so here\'s a sparkling new Jetta\" (insert name of a good car - I don\'t know from cars, and Rolls Royce wasn\'t the class of cars I meant). But for regular needs, yeah, appliances aren\'t gifts (maybe a foot spa? but I personally wouldn\'t like getting one).

    I recall one movie in which a proud woman with four children wouldn\'t lower herself to accept charity. I recall with particular clarity the Christmas she gave presents of a hammer, nails, and so forth, all items needed to fix up their leaky roof. Yes, she couldn\'t really have afforded more. But there\'s no way that was right. Having NO Christmas would have been preferable to having the kids think they were getting presents and then unwrapping THAT. (I felt the same way, only far less bitterly, when my mom wrapped up something that made me think I was getting a new CD, when it turned out to be something she\'d bought for us in my sight and at my advising some weeks earlier. For some reason she just felt that I should unwrap SOMETHING from her. Ridiculous. Especially when we\'re not poor and have never lacked multiple presents for each family member.)
 

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