The program, around since 2005, seems to be working…there was a 46% increase in births that year over 2004.

As further evidence of just how committed to incentivizing conception the Russians are, they have a contest in Ulyanovsk (a town about 500 miles east of Moscow) that challenges couples to conceive and give birth on June 12th which is Russia's National Day. Babies born on National Day earn their parents cash, cars, appliances and other prizes. 

Wait – there's more!  The leaders of Ulyanovsk created a holiday (Sept. 12) for couples to take time off from work to have sex…ok, to conceive…but quite a concept regardless!

You can read more about this here. You can petition your representatives in Washington for similar treatment by finding them here.

How cold is your freakin’ house? Maybe if you live in an igloo, this is a useful product because who wouldn’t be concerned about a wet wipe freezing to their kid’s ass?

Ok, open mockery aside, this seems to be one of the product ploys that new parents most often fall for. 

In theory, a warm wipe seems like it would be much better received at 2 am but in all reality, if your infant is screaming during a diaper change, it’s not because the wipe is cold but rather because a) he’s getting his diaper changed, b) you likely have his feet held together in one hand up in the air, c) you’re wiping his ass and d) he’s a baby.

That issue addressed and with a dose of reality injected, wipes warmers have some serious practical flaws…space, waste and sanitation being chief among them. 

Warmers take up lots of space on (or near) your changing table.  They must be out on top of something because they plug in and they generate exterior heat.  I don’t know what your changing table looks like but we have a pretty big one and there’s lots on it that risks being kicked to the floor every time my son decides he’s not that interested in a changing. 

Warmers are wasteful because even the best on the market inevitably dry out wipes.  Those closest to the heating element, over time and because it’s always on keeping those wipes toasty, yellow and dry out.  Some parents report losing 15-20% of a refill.  Wipes ain’t cheap and there are few feelings worse than reaching for a wipe with your one free hand in the midst of dealing with a blowout to find that all you're left with is dry wipes!

On the subject of waste, I’m not gonna get preachy about conserving electricity and saving the planet…you can extrapolate the associated criticism on your own.

Lastly, and perhaps most worrisome – sanitation is an issue because you remove wipes from their packaging to put them into the warmer and in doing so, you greatly increase the opportunity for bacteria to infiltrate the wipes.  This is not to imply that a wipes package is sterile but exposing the lot of them to air and placing them in the warm and wet environment a warmer represents begs for the breeding of buggies.  All warmer manufacturers suggest VERY regular cleanings.  Talk about waste – who has time for that?!

The “What’s the Real Deal with ____” verdict?  No Deal! (Don't Waste Your Dollars)

A couple of weekends ago, as Mrs. ReviewDad and I were running errands with ReviewDad Jr. asleep in the backseat, trunk full of über-sized loot from Costco, she said coolly and without looking at me (as if reflecting on an idea long considered) “should we get a Wii?”Take a moment to read that line again and let it sink in. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Yes. Those are the precise words that came out of my wife’s mouth. I shit you not.

After fumbling a “huh?” as my first response, I had the presence of mind to utter a semi-quizzical “yes” fearing a moment that would soon be passed and an opportunity soon lost.

It was as surreal as it sounds.

The thought of acquiring a Nintendo Wii never crossed my mind…and I had no idea that she even knew what one was. Accept for the sticky, flickering Ms. Pac Man we played at a bar on a date early on, I’d never seen her show the slightest interest in video games.

I was shocked. She might as well have said “let’s have a threesome with my friend Charlize Theron.”

Now, I own a PlayStation II courtesy of my brother who upgraded to X-Box 360 but the truth is that I thought my video game-playing days were pretty much behind me forever. Some guys hold onto that piece of their Predad identity (and more power to ’em) but I have never considered myself to be a “gamer” (I had to ask foodad what “pwn” meant [foodad's note: It's pronounced "own". Only noobs say "pown."]) and was resolute to accept that it was one of those things that, in parenthood, got de-prioritized to the point that it was relegated to “that was then” in the “this is now” evaluation.

I like video games…grew up with NES and Genesis…bled $1 bills into Golden Tee at the pub in my 20s…but with the birth of my son, for me, went time for such things.

Games take effort and since becoming a dad, I’ve found that if I’m doing anything in front of the TV in the precious few moments that I get there each night, it’s just vegging out in the purest of ways…with my only aerobic actions being breathing, blinking and “flickering.” Gaming is entertainment and when you’re a parent, as you Noodads know, you gotta pick and choose wisely. For me, the Sox take precedence over MLB ’07.

Beyond the question of priorities, playing Tiger Woods PGA Tour ’06 constitutes a solitary, “me” activity. The wife had no interest in learning the game (I offered) and when I tried to lure her in with the ability to create a character in her own image, she called me a dork. We have one TV and she’ll watch baseball with me. Two birds with one stone…you know how it goes…

But where Wii introduced a 4th dimension to the gaming experience – that of real, aerobic physical interaction and the extension of that idea to multi-person play, therein did it establish a beachhead in a lot of places no video game system has gone before…like nursing homes and living rooms of couples with babies. You’ve gotta give Nintendo props. SMART.

“Have sex to save the friendship.” Most of us will recognize this classic line from Seinfeld. Well this Wii incident sets up a similar prospect for tired couples often homebound due to nap schedules and 7:30 bedtimes… “Buy a video game system to save the marriage.”

Ok. Maybe it’s not that extreme a situation…I’m hoping that you all are doing better than that. We feel pretty darn secure in our marriage given everything it’s undergone in the past year. But maybe it’s more about saving some of our sanity by introducing a new element into our decidedly less go-go lifestyle. Wii might be a chance to be more dynamic and active while within our own walls…and out of the sack (you thought I was going to forget that, didn’t you?!).

Mrs. ReviewDad’s rationale for why we should consider getting a Wii is pretty sound. It goes something like this… If we’re going to spend our evenings at home in front of the TV, we might as well be on our feet getting some exercise. We don’t have time for the gym and summer reruns suck, so for her, it’s a time utilization thing…making the best of an otherwise inactive situation.

Go on and admit it fellas – we all think that we’re Jedi Knights when it comes to tech toy justification but she just went all Yoda on this one!

So that’s where we’re at – we’re in agreement that we want, n’er need a Wii. Our health and sanity as a couple and as a team demand it!

Now if we can only find one!

POSTSCRIPT – In an event that must have involved the alignment of the moon and stars, I found a Wii last Sunday morning at my local Circuit City. So far, so good. We’re having fun. We’re working on our “Miis.” Look for a Noodad.com review of the Nintendo Wii in the near future.

But germs became something to think (and to worry about) when our kids arrived and now you’re eyeing that high-chair at Denny’s with abject suspicion.  That’s why we pack Purell in our diaper bags, own a Clean Shopper and give willing consideration to just about any product that plays to our germ-phobias and promises to keep our little ones clean and thereby healthier.

That was the case when Mrs. ReviewDad and I came across Table Toppers from Neat Solutions on a recent trip to Babies-r-us.

Table Toppers are disposable placemats that have adhesive strips on the back to stick them to tables.   Seemed like a good idea to us…never feeling like a baby wipe did much to “sanitize” a restaurant table and tired of picking the paper placemat up off the floor 30 times during a 20 minute meal.   At a few dollars per pack, we thought we were on to something but Table Toppers proved to be fundamentally flawed in testing rendering them basically useless.

Table Toppers look legit enough emblazoned with familiar (and trusted) characters from Sesame Street to Dora.  You think – “if it’s good enough for Sesame Street Workshop and Nick Jr., it’s good enough for us”…but they are critically deficient in two ways…such that it begs the question of whether these entities knew what they were signing on for or just blindly licensed their characters. 

First, the adhesive strips on the underside of the mat are only on the long sides.  Anyone with a curious baby knows that this is a problem.  Junior will, within a nanosecond of having this thing placed in front of him, locate the “free” edges and yank on them as hard as possible. 

This action reveals the second flaw – the placemat is made of thin plastic which when pulled with force equivalent to the PSI generated by an 8 month old, stretches and then eventually fails.

Good idea…piss poor execution.   Noodads – don’t waste your money!

But since at Noodad.com, we’re all about solutions and sharing, I won’t just leave you to fight the germ battle on your own…  

A little digging – spurred by the belief that a) this is a good idea that has to have been had by folks other than those at Neat Solutions, b) this is not rocket science and c) at least someone must have thought to put adhesive strips on all sides revealed a similar yet vastly superior product by Classy Kid Inc. 

Their Wrap Around Placemats have adhesive strips on all four sides, cotton backing for strength and are designed large enough (14×17 vs. 7×11 for Table Toppers) so you can wrap them around the underside of the table (where all kinds of nasty nasties live).  At about $0.30 each (sold in packs of 20; available at Target.com), they’re comparably priced to Table Toppers. THIS is a product worth stocking up on and keeping in the diaper bag.

 
Noodad Test Labs Rating:  Table Toppers = 0 noos out of a possible 5 (it blows)

Editor’s Note – Here’s a lesson in why to mistrust product awards badges and seals of approval.  Table Toppers web site and packaging boast an “iParenting Media Winner Award” and the National Parenting Center “Seal of Approval 2005.”  Not sure what their evaluative criteria are but let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that no actual children were involved in their testing lest they would not have chosen to bestow these impressive looking endorsements on this product.

I’m calling out Pottery Barn (and L.L. Bean and Lands End too) for putting kids at risk. They’re putting profit to the tune of an additional $6 per order (and incremental sales) ahead of corporate responsibility. Why am I all over PB and these others? Because backpacks and duffel bags monogrammed with children’s names are dangerous and a foolish risk to take with a child’s life and yet, monogramming is not only offered but products with it are the central focus of their back-to-school marketing.

Monogramming on bags kids carry to school, sports or other activities (anywhere where mom and dad aren’t right by their side the whole time) is a bad idea – most modern parents know this, child safety advocates speak-out about it and many communities and police departments have gone so far to issue warnings against it. Yet on the cover of the Pottery Barn Kids catalog that just landed in our mailbox, there’s a cute little girl – apparently named Anna – with her name emblazoned in 70 point type across the top of her backpack. Anna is all of 6 years old and she’s at soccer practice…and she’s the perfect target for some demented perv.

Ironically, the headline on this PB catalog reads “Get Ready.” My mind can’t help but complete that sentence by adding “to have your kid abducted.” It’s sad commentary that this is the conclusion my thought process naturally arrives at but it does so because I’m aware of modern dangers. Regardless of what you want to believe about how safe your kid is at school, practice or ballet or how Mayburyesque you think the community you live in is, child abductions are just as likely where you live as they are anywhere else.

If you’re not already aware of the risk represented by having your kid’s name prominently displayed on their bag, let me bring you up to speed. The notion is that if someone knows your kid’s name, it’s that much easier to lure them away or pose as a rightful guardian thereby greatly enabling an abduction.

Kids are easily influenced – no matter the age. And even if you’ve drilled with your kids about who’s allowed to pick them up or identified a “codeword,” under the right circumstances, little Anna is going to really believe that mommy and daddy asked Mr. Wright to pick her up from soccer. Maybe mommy’s car broke down. Or maybe daddy got hurt and is at the hospital. Regardless, sucks for Anna because Mr. Wright is gonna turn out to be Mr. Wrong. And because he knew her name, she went with him quietly.

Am I being reactionary? Overly protective? Paranoid? Think about it – it makes sense and is it even for one second worth the risk? If you drive down a well lit city street at night, you still turn on your headlights – don’t you?

So I say to Pottery Barn, L.L. Bean, Lands End and any other company misguided enough to push monogrammed kids bags to parents – watch the news, realize your mistake and become an advocate for smart parenting and child safety. Have the balls NOT to offer monogramming on kids backpacks and duffel bags and do your customers a service by explaining why you’re not offering it in your glossy, twice a quarter catalogs. What better way to get a safety message out?! The paper’s already bought and the postage is already paid for!

And to parents – don’t overlook this one little child safety measure. Your kid gets no additional value from having his or her name on her backpack. There’s no status in it for you and they’ll get over it soon enough if they’re asking for it. And if you’re really concerned about your little one being able to pick out their book bag from a pile at school, put a cute key chain through one of the zippers or some other visual identifier. Bottom line – don’t be a foolish sucker. This is your kid’s life we’re talking about here.

Noodads, be advised – the Consumer Product Safety Commission and RC2 Corporation have issued a general recall of wooden Thomas & Friends toys due to the potential toxicity of surface paints that contain lead. The recall affects an estimated 1.5 million wooden vehicles, buildings and other railway set components sold in the US over the past 2 years so it’s likely to be the ones in your playroom. For a complete list of the specific models recalled, visit the CPSC web site.

SO…what do you do?  

Obviously, you should take these toys away from your little ones ASAP and you’ll need to send them back to RC2 Corp. who’ll replace them. Click here for info from RC2 Corp. about how to go about doing this. 

Understanding how important Thomas toys are to your kids, we at Noodad offer up this advice about how to explain why you’re plucking these favorite toys from your kids hands.

Foodad's son was pretty broken up to lose his friend James, so he incorporated part of the story into the explanation.  He told his man that James had to go to back to the Island of Sodor to "The Works" for a new paint job.  While he was still disappointed, he tells his sister that James is "at The Works."

Thomas & Friends join a growing and distinguished list of toys made in China that have been recalled recently. Others include models of the Easy Bake Oven and Super Soakers.

Noodad Informed Parent Tip - You can sign up to receive recall email updates from the CPSC. 

WIN a Warm As A Lamb Stroller Coat for yourself! See details after the jump. 

If your kid looks like the Michelin Man whenever you leave the house, you must live north of the 38th parallel.  Actually, this winter, you could live in Texas. Thanks to El Niño (or is it La Niña?), it doesn’t seem to matter.  Baby, it’s friggin’ cold outside!

For most of us, winter is cold.  For some of us, it’s the kind of winter that saps your soul and drags on forever…but we expect that.  The real rub is that we can’t spend four months on the couch playing PlayStation all toasty warm…especially when you’re a dad.   Eventually, you need to leave your house.  So you cowboy up and deal with it because despite mankind’s thousands of years of invention in the effort to combat the cold, no matter how much Polar Fleece, down, GoreTex or Thinsulate you wrap your ass in, when you’re outside, you’re still OUTSIDE!

But that’s not the case for everyone – the Pope (were he to visit the US in winter would ride in climate-controlled style in his Pope-mobile) and HazMat workers (in head to toe protection) can be inside while outside…and now your kid can be too.  The Warm as a Lamb^TM Winter Stroller Coat^TM is an insulated, plush-lined, multi-zippered testament to necessity as the mother of invention. 

Designed to fit over a stroller’s superstructure, the Warm as a Lamb provides a fully-enclosed environment for your little one (or ones – they also make double stroller versions in side-by-side and tandem configurations) to ride around in.  It’s essentially Bio-Dome on wheels BUHDEE!

The maker of Warm as a Lamb claims that with a child inside, an outfitted stroller will maintain an interior temperature that’s 20 degrees warmer than the outside air.  That’s compelling even before you factor in the protection it provides from the winter wind which, when you’re talking wind-chill, probably means it feels an additional 10-15 degrees warmer still.

Field testing by Noodad.com’s crack team at Noodad Test Labs confirmed via digital measure (yes, we take our job that seriously!), that the manufacturer’s claim holds water (or air as it is).  On a cloudy 30 degree day with winds of 5-10 mph, the temperature inside the test stroller was between 51 and 52 degrees.  Not a sauna but definitely nap-inducingly warm which was one of the key objectives for the venture outside (the other being ANY type of physical activity!).

This temperature difference supported the maker’s assertion that using this thing, you can dress your kid “up one level” in terms of insulation which means your kid can look less like an animated pile of tires and more like a Teletubby.  That’s a good thing…right?

Beyond addressing the cold kid issue, the other problem that Warm as a Lamb solves for is overheating when indoors.  You know the drill – after your hat, scarf and gloves come off, you have to then engage in the process of “venting” the baby lest he/she end up sweating like Shaq two minutes into play.  This usually involves removing a blanket or stroller boot (or “bundleme”), hat, mittens and unzipping the snowsuit if not removing it all together.  Not easy.
What sucks more than this process though is the process of doing it all in reverse (usually with the added difficulty of a screaming child) when you’re ready to head outside again.

With Warm as a Lamb, and because you can dress your kid in less, when indoors, you simply unzip the cover to increase air flow.  This is probably more of a selling point for urban parents who tend to make multiple stops while out with the stroller but even if you have to go through this process once, it’s one time too many.

Access to your progeny is provided via the stroller equivalent of a moon-roof – a clear zippered panel that covers the front and most of the top of the cover.  This generous opening provides for good sunlight and unobstructed access to baby and the stroller’s interior.  It also allows you to use your stroller’s sunshade which you’ll probably want to do with all that reflective plastic overhead.

Warm as a Lamb is designed to fit most stroller variants – standard, lightweight and three-wheelers/joggers.  A multitude of cinch-straps and Velcro tabs are provided for finer adjustments but once you get the cover on (which takes some finagling), it’s on there and is intended to stay on.   The maker claims that most strollers can be folded up with the cover on and testing on test strollers (a Zooper Waltz (shown) and a Mountain Buggy Urban Single) suggest that this is likely to be true.

The Warm as a Lamb Stroller Coat is a compelling product which delivers on its primary mission of keeping your offspring…well, warm as a lamb (assuming that lambs really are warm standing in a field in February, but I digress) and does so with style but it’s not without a few flaws.

Criticisms are three:

First and most problematic is that the maker has placed a plastic compartment inside a vertical zipper at the back of the cover (see image).  It’s intended to provide added and weatherproof storage but it blocks access to seat back adjustment controls on most strollers.  Adjusting the incline with the cover on devolves into a contortionist’s act as you attempt to reach under the cover which extends down to the wheels.  This is not fun when it’s 8 degrees and you’re afraid to let your legs touch the inside of your jeans!  On some strollers, it may be possible to reach the seat back adjustment controls from inside the cover but attempting to do so outdoors defeats the purpose of the cover and compromises that closed environment.  Once you unzip the cover, all that toasty air inside escapes and Old Man Winter floods in.

Second, in attempting to be all things to all strollers, on some models, the appearance of the fit can leave something to be desired.  You could make adjustments using the straps and Velcro tabs endlessly in pursuit of an optimal fit.  This may be more important to some parents than others but it’s notable none-the-less.  Some people get obsessive about their stroller-image (you Bugaboo owners know who you are!).  Just be aware that you’re unlikely to get the truly tailored appearance you see on the manufacturer’s web site and packaging.

Lastly, Warm as a Lamb’s over the handle-bar design and snug fit mean that this is not something you want to put on and take off regularly.  The manufacturer says that it’s the kind of thing you put on at the start of the season and take off at the end.  Living in New England means that one day it’s 10 degrees and snowing while the next, it’s 50 degrees and sunny and that’s where the combination of a snowsuit, a boot or bundleme and your stroller’s (or an aftermarket) rain cover has it’s advantages.   You could “pop the top” on the Warm as a Lamb by unzipping the cover completely (on three sides) but you’d need to fold the cover up into the stroller itself or it’ll drag on the ground in front.

Conclusion:

The Warm as a Lamb Stroller Coat is an ingenious invention that fulfills a real need for some people in some places.  If you’re an intrepid soul who tells Old Man Winter to “kiss my arse” as you take daily strolls between November and April or who flips Mother Nature the finger by jogging in sub-freezing temps AND feels the need to bring baby along, this is the product for you.  The weight to warmth ratio won’t hold you back and you’ll appreciate that it’s water-resistant and has reflective striping.  Fit and finish seem to be good and the quality of the stitching leads us to believe that this product has longevity.

We think it’s best suited for urbanites who use their stroller daily and aren’t likely to find themselves mall-cruising where Warm as a Lamb would definitely be overkill.  At $49.99 for the single and $79.99 for the double, Warm as a Lamb represents an investment.  But if you see yourself in one of the people I’ve described above, it’s likely to be a worthwhile one.

Noodad Rating: Four Noos (out of a possible Five)

Now for a giveaway. Think the weather where you live is bad? Do you feel that your poor kid is a popsicle every time you leave the house? Tell us your sob story and you can win your very own Warm as a Lamb^TM Winter Stroller Coat^TM courtesy of Warm As A Lamb and Noodad.com. Just leave your tear jerker in the comments section. Good luck.

Some legal BS
-Only one entry per person (but you can comment as many times as you want)
-One (1) winning entries will be chosen at random
-Contest ends on Friday, March 30th at 11:59 PM EST

-Although registration is not required to leave a comment, only
registered members of Noodad.com are eligible to win in this contest.

• General Mills: Lara Bar Peanut Butter Cookie flavor snack bars and Jam Frakas Peanut Butter Blisscrisp flavor snack bars
• Clif Bar & Company: Clif Bar Chocolate Chip Peanut Crunch, Clif Bar Crunchy Peanut Butter, Clif Bar Peanut Toffee Buzz,  ZBaR Peanut Butter, Clif Builders Peanut Butter, Luna Nutz over Chocolate, Luna Peanut Butter Cookie, and all Clif Mojo Bars
• Kroger: Private Selection Peanut Butter Passion Ice Cream sold at City Market, Fred Meyer, Fry’s, King Soopers, QFC, and Smith’s stores.
• Kellogg Company: Certain Austin and Keebler brand peanut butter sandwich crackers, select snack-size packs of Famous Amos Peanut Butter Cookies, and Keebler Soft Batch Homestyle Peanut Butter Cookies

All companies got their peanut butter from Peanut Corporation of America.  Now that’s just not very patriotic PCA!  Come on…it’s a new eara of National unity…or have you not hear?!  Anyhow, for a full/latest list, visit the FDA site.  Unfortunately, the list is being updated regularly. BAD PEANUT!

Here’s how the scenario played out for me:

Day: Son’s 2nd birthday.

Subject: Awesome birthday party Mrs. ReviewDad spent months planning and weeks working on.

Highlights: ChooChoo Train theme. Handmade decorations. Train cake made (and decorated) totally from scratch. 30 friends, family and kids.

Extenuating Circumstances: ONLY person taking pictures that day = ME!!!

Trauma: 11:15 pm, put memory card into computer, ZERO pictures.

WTF: 2GB card is Full! So where the @#%$ are the digital pictures?

The answer is that your missing digital photos are probably there…you just need to know how to get to them when the regular means fail you. And you don’t need Geek Squad or some other professional to get them back.

I learned this the hard way. Here, briefly is my story:

Now I know a thing or two about computers, memory cards and how to find stuff but these missing pictures were nowhere to be found. In a fit of desperation, lack of clear thinking and burdened by the hollow commitment I made to the Mrs. that I’d “fix this,” I marched into MicroCenter (local hard core computer center) the next day for tech support. Their thinking – bad card, their solution – their digial media recovery service…for $100. A Frankin was a lot to swallow but well worth the cost to recover priceless birthday memories! I got all 263 pictures back.

Disaster was averted but then, the next week, with a different SD card, the same damn thing happened again (I have since come to blame Vista)! Thinking more clearly this time, I…of course…turned to Google. After a few minutes of hunting, I found a potential solution – a little program called CardRecovery by WinRecovery Software. Free to demo, CardRecovery found all 65 missing pictures PLUS 1752 others…that’s right – every picture I’d ever taken on that card (why you should reformat your digital media is another post)! As soon as I saw what CardRecovery could do, spending the $39 for the license was a no-brainer. It’s your reserve chute!

Digital photography is great. Losing your digital pictures is not. But if you do, Noodads, you don’t need to lose your mind or empty your wallet. Give CardRecovery a chance!

Noodad Rating: 5 out of 5 Noos. It pwns!

Yeah, she’s pretty smart but Mom doesn’t know EVERYTHING and she’s propagated some long-standing myths who’s time has come to be debunked.

Noodad.com is busting some of your mom’s warnings – we call ‘em “Mom’isms.” But because we’re in the business of providing useful info applicable to your role as sage molder of young minds, we’re also telling you what you should be telling your kids…

Mom’ism: She told you that if you swallowed your gum, it’d take 7 years for your body to digest it. Truth: The digestive system can’t break down gum and it will pass through you within 24 hours – just like yesterday’s burrito. What to Tell Your Kid: Nothing. If the only alternative to swallowing one’s gum is sticking it under the seat or spitting it out on the sidewalk, go ahead and ingest it.

Mom’ism: You have to wait an hour after you eat before going swimming or you’ll cramp up (and drown…some moms tell a more severe version of the story than others!). Truth: You’re no more likely to cramp up during swimming 10 minutes after eating as you are an hour after. What to Tell Your Kid: They’re likely to feel better if they wait awhile before doing laps…that said, don’t worry about them.

Mom’ism: Cracking your knuckles will cause arthritis. Truth: Arthritis is caused by a host of factors…mostly hereditary and related to other aspects of your health but not knuckle cracking. What to Tell Your Kid: Excessive cracking of knuckles or pulling fingers to stretch out the joints can cause you to lose grip strength. Also, it weirds girls out on dates…

Mom’ism: Chocolate causes zits. Truth: Flat out false. There’s no correlation. The biggest factors that cause breakouts are stress and skin irritation like the kind caused by excessive washing. What to Tell Your Kid: Chill out, get some sleep (sleep reduces stress) and get them some mild cleansers…ReviewDad’s mom was a big believer in Neutrogena. The stuff works wonders. Beyond that, show them your class picture from sophomore year – they’ll feel better about themselves instantly!

Mom’ism: You lose 40-50% of your heat through your head – that’s why you need to wear a hat in the winter. Truth: You lose heat proportional to the area exposed to cold air…the head isn’t special. Per square inch, you lose just as much heat through any other part of your body. What to Tell Your Kid: Ears belong on heads. Put on a hat or theirs will freeze off. And being the kid at school with no ears is worse than having hat-head in 1st period French class.

Mom’ism: Coffee stunts your growth. Truth: Again, like with the Chocolate/zits myth, flat out false. There’s no correlation between coffee drinking at a young age and interrupted growth. There are plenty of reasons to keep your kids off of Mocachinnos as long as possible including caffeine addiction and blowing through their allowance refilling their Starbucks cards but the risk that it might keep them from getting that basketball scholarship to State is not one of them. What to Tell Your Kid: Warn them that once they suckle at the sweet, sweet nectar of the java goddess Caffiena, they’ll be hooked for life unable (and unwilling) to defy her siren song.

Mom’ism: Standing in front of the microwave is bad for you. Truth: The dark screen inside the door of your microwave blocks any microwaves from reaching you. Also, microwaves are actually radio waves – a harmless kind of radiation that only heats things up – not causes cancer. What to Tell Your Kid: Nothing. But while your on the subject of do’s and dont’s involving the microwave, tin foil is a no-no (tell the story of how that Chunky bar experiment in mom’s new Litton back in ‘85 didn’t turn out so well) and that anything sticking to the walls and ceiling after their bowl of past goes POP is their responsibility to clean up.