“It’s a boy!” announces the doctor as your kid bursts into the world. Congratulations! Deciding on whether or not your son will be circumcised just got bumped to the top of your to-do list. You’ll get all the relevant information to consider from your doctor and/or maternity nurses. You may discuss the matter with friends and family. You may even consult the AAP to see what it recommends (after reading an 8-page PDF with about 150 references in the end notes, you’ll find that the AAP neither recommends nor discourages the surgery—Thanks, AAP!). Like most parental decisions, this one’s up to you and your wife. Read the rest of this entry »
Growing up, I vividly recall waiting for the annual airing of the classic Christmas specials. The networks would start advertising right after Thanksgiving, and I’d count the days until I’d be reunited with the Grinch, Rudolph, and Frosty. Even though I knew the outcome of each Christmas special, I still had to see them. Now, thanks to the proliferation of cable stations and licensing agreements, you can’t channel surf in December without running into these specials. In viewing some of these with an older and wiser eye, I detected some extremely negative themes behind the saccharine sweet songs and smiling claymation visages on the screen. Read the rest of this entry »
This article is born out of comments from wahoodad
We've hosted two of my son's parties at our house (not counting his 1st B-day). We found that the first thing you have to do is have a plan and execute it.
Step 1 is to have a defined party time limit and mark it clearly on the invitation. Sometimes guests have trouble with an open-ended invite. You know, the cutesy "12:00 to ????". If you tell them when to arrive and when to GTFO they won't be wondering if they need to stay longer so as to not appear rude, or when to figure out they've overstayed their welcome.
Well,
we did it. The valiant members of Team Noodad.com yesterday completed
and defeated the fabled Boston Marathon course in a team record 9 hours
on Sunday, September 17. The 26.2 mile course put up a good fight,
throwing all it had at Team Noodad.com in an effort to make us submit.
We battled angry, intolerant Boston drivers at many intersections,
tackled some steep thigh-burning inclines, and persevered through the
fetid odors of poodad stew baking in the rank plastic ovens known as
Port-A-Johns. Read the rest of this entry »
The
hospital bag is packed by the door. Inside your wife’s fantastically
round belly, your baby is in position for entry into the world. The
nursery smells of freshly applied latex paint and all the Onesies are
washed, dried, and stacked on the shelves beneath the changing table.
You’re all set, right? Wrong. You need to get your financial house in
order.
The responsibilities of having a child don’t end at feeding, diaper
changes, and providing a nurturing environment for your new addition.
Because infants are so cute and cuddly and having a child is such a
happy event, no one wants to address the cold, hard fact that you need
to prepare for the possibility of something very bad happening—namely,
the untimely demise of you and your spouse. Here are some things you
need in order to provide for your child from Beyond the Grave.
All’s
fair in love and war, and introducing a child into your home is a
full-scale assault on your ability to get a good night’s sleep. You
regularly will be jerked from the deepest period of repose in your
circadian rhythm by the cries or your kid. Loving parent that you are,
you’ll take it all in stride—but sometimes, man, you’ve just got to
catch those z’s. That means the adult on the other side of the Sealy
Posturepedic must tend to your kid’s needs during peak sleeping hours.
With a steely resolve and emotionless use of the following Parental
Sleep Strategies (PSS), you can get the sleep you need. Read the rest of this entry »
I wrote an article a while back about whether or not to find out the sex of your child. The big follow up question to “Are you going to find out?” is always “Do you want a boy or a girl?” When asked this, most expectant couples reply–say it with me now–, “I don’t care…just as long as the baby’s healthy.” Unfortunately, not every family gets this wish.
On September 17, 2006, Team Noodad.com is going to help out some of those families by participating in the Boston Marathon® Jimmy Fund Walk. That’s right, Team Noodad.com is going to lace ‘em up and drag our atrophied bodies over every last inch of the famed 26.2 mile Boston Marathon route to raise money for the Jimmy Fund and the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. Here’s how you can help:
As Crosby Stills & Nash implored, teach your children
well. Some of the most important lessons you can teach your kid revolve
around how to act in public. Fortunately, with the increasing lack of
basic civility among us, every trip to Home Depot, the grocery store,
or anywhere else Joe Public converges provides you with a perfect
classroom for these lessons.
On a recent trip to the grocery
store around Mother’s Day, my boys and I encountered a charming woman
near the expanded flower shop area. While passing by an aisle narrowed
by an additional row of display tables filled with last-minute-gifts,
the basket the woman carried hit a small potted plant and it smashed to
the ground. She had two kids with her, probably somewhere between 11
and 14 years old. “JEE-ZUZ CHRIST!” she yelped. “You break it, you buy
it!” laughed one of the kids. Read the rest of this entry »
In general, I consider myself a good dad. I feed my kids, wash them, try to keep them entertained, and my boys haven’t sustained any major injuries on my watch. At roughly 10:30AM yesterday morning, however, I easily would have taken the title of World’s Worst Dad hands down. My behavior went far beyond Bill Cosby feeding the chocolate cake to his kids for breakfast. The wire hanger scene from “Mommie Dearest” is a more apt comparison. If Dane Cook witnessed this event and spoke of it in his stand-up routine, I’d be the “bag of douche” he’d likely reference.
The scene: an end-of-year celebration for my 5-year-old’s preschool class. We drove down to the lake at the center of town. I loaded up the stroller with my sleeping 10-month-old, video camera, and diaper bag; and proceeded to push it across the common towards the gathering. It was a beautiful morning, sunlight dancing on the water, and kids’ laughter filling the air. There was to be a parade with kazoos, leis, and the kids would receive a graduation certificate in a simple ceremony to mark the move to kindergarten. Should be a wonderful time, right?
Twenty minutes later I’m fuming, hustling my crying son back to the minivan. I didn’t berate him in front of his classmates or the other parents, but I’m sure my body language spoke volumes. Except for the classic can’t-catch-your-breath sobbing from the booster seat behind me, the ride home was silent. Until I unleashed on my firstborn a host of things from the Things-You-Should-Never-Say-To-Your-Child handbook.
I’m sure you’re eager to know the crime that induced my tirade at this point. Did he pee in the punch bowl? Call another little kid an asshole? Kick a buddy in the nuts? None of the above.
One thing you’ll quickly learn as a noodad is how much gear is available to make parenting easier. You’ll probably have more baby gadgets in your home than Bob Vila has tools on his pegboard by the time you’re through, and the importance of each piece of gear is, of course, determined by how much easier it makes your life. Here’s my Top 5 list of baby gear essentials (in no particular order) that I can’t imagine doing without:
“It’s a boy!” announces the doctor as your kid bursts into the world. Congratulations! Deciding on whether or not your son will be circumcised just got bumped to the top of your to-do list. You’ll get all the relevant information to consider from your doctor and/or maternity nurses. You may discuss the matter with friends and family. You may even consult the AAP to see what it recommends (after reading an 8-page PDF with about 150 references in the end notes, you’ll find that the AAP neither recommends nor discourages the surgery—Thanks, AAP!). Like most parental decisions, this one’s up to you and your wife.
Growing up, I vividly recall waiting for the annual airing of the classic Christmas specials. The networks would start advertising right after Thanksgiving, and I’d count the days until I’d be reunited with the Grinch, Rudolph, and Frosty. Even though I knew the outcome of each Christmas special, I still had to see them. Now, thanks to the proliferation of cable stations and licensing agreements, you can’t channel surf in December without running into these specials. In viewing some of these with an older and wiser eye, I detected some extremely negative themes behind the saccharine sweet songs and smiling claymation visages on the screen. 
This article is born out of comments from wahoodad
Well,
The
All’s
I wrote an article a while back about whether or not to find out the sex of your child. The big follow up question to “Are you going to find out?” is always “Do you want a boy or a girl?” When asked this, most expectant couples reply–say it with me now–, “I don’t care…just as long as the baby’s healthy.” Unfortunately, not every family gets this wish.
As Crosby Stills & Nash implored, teach your children
In general, I consider myself a good dad. I feed my kids, wash them, try to keep them entertained, and my boys haven’t sustained any major injuries on my watch. At roughly 10:30AM yesterday morning, however, I easily would have taken the title of World’s Worst Dad hands down. My behavior went far beyond Bill Cosby feeding the chocolate cake to his kids for breakfast. The wire hanger scene from “Mommie Dearest” is a more apt comparison. If Dane Cook witnessed this event and spoke of it in his stand-up routine, I’d be the “bag of douche” he’d likely reference. 
One thing you’ll quickly learn as a noodad is how much gear is available to make parenting easier. You’ll probably have more baby gadgets in your home than Bob Vila has tools on his pegboard by the time you’re through, and the importance of each piece of gear is, of course, determined by how much easier it makes your life. Here’s my Top 5 list of baby gear essentials (in no particular order) that I can’t imagine doing without:
