Getting Your Affairs in Order

The
hospital bag is packed by the door. Inside your wife’s fantastically
round belly, your baby is in position for entry into the world. The
nursery smells of freshly applied latex paint and all the Onesies are
washed, dried, and stacked on the shelves beneath the changing table.
You’re all set, right? Wrong. You need to get your financial house in
order.

The responsibilities of having a child don’t end at feeding, diaper
changes, and providing a nurturing environment for your new addition.
Because infants are so cute and cuddly and having a child is such a
happy event, no one wants to address the cold, hard fact that you need
to prepare for the possibility of something very bad happening—namely,
the untimely demise of you and your spouse. Here are some things you
need in order to provide for your child from Beyond the Grave.

Will

Until you have a kid, it doesn’t really matter if you die without a
will. Sure it’s a pain in the ass for all your surviving relatives, and
it’s likely that your family and your wife’s family will undoubtedly
begin squabbling over your possessions before the gravediggers shovel
that first load of dirt onto your pine box; but you’re only talking
about material possessions. Nothing brings out the worst in people like
an estate in probate! Now imagine the fighting that could ensue if you
and your spouse get wiped out in a head-on collision with a drunk
driver behind the wheel of a cement mixer and leave a newborn behind,
sans will.

The two big things you need to consider in your will are who gets the
kids, and how and when your kids receive the financial benefits you’ve
left for them. Most couples don’t have a will because they can’t agree
on a guardian. It’s a difficult discussion, but it is one you must
have. The remedies for what to do with a suddenly-orphaned child vary
by state, but remedies include a judge-appointed guardian with custody
to be decided later through court battles, or an automatic appointment
based on a predetermined family hierarchy chart. Don’t let other people
decide your child’s guardian. Make your wishes clear and legal.

{mosnooad}Life Insurance

While you and the missus are busy fattening up night crawlers for the
smallmouth bass spawn in the spring, your survivors above the roots
will need some dough. A simple rule of thumb is ten times your salary
plus however much it would cost to pay off your mortgage. In most cases
a basic 30-year term policy will do just fine. That’ll give your kids
and their new guardian a roof over their heads and money for
necessities.

Healthcare Proxy and Power of Attorney

“Don’t pull that plug…I’m not dead yet!” you shout from Coma Land.
Unfortunately, no one can hear you. The respirators stop humming, and
the last thing you hear is the steady beep as you flatline and journey
to the Great Beyond. If only you’d downloaded and filled out a simple
Healthcare Proxy/Power of Attorney form instead of spending your
Internet time looking up stats in order to ink “The Greatest Trade In
Fantasy Football History”, you’d still be with us. You know, the
living. This form gives someone you appoint the power to speak on your
behalf if you are ever incapacitated.

Beneficiaries

If you work, you should be enrolled in some kind of retirement plan.
All retirement plans require that you select a beneficiary in the event
that you expire before getting to enjoy all your squirreled cash (and
the company’s 3% match). Adjust the beneficiaries on all your accounts
so the Fruit of Your Loins gets the Fruit of Your Labor.

In most cases, you’ll never need to count on any of the above. If you
and the wife fail to dodge that falling safe during a hand-in-hand
stroll through the city, or if you absentmindedly Mr. Magoo your way
into oncoming freeway traffic while driving and fiddling with your iPod
as your wife screams in the passenger seat, however; Ghost Wife will be
kicking Ghost You’s ass forever and eternity if your offspring winds up
being raised by her third-cousin-once-removed in a Las Vegas trailer
park after she blew the entire nest egg by trying to double it on lucky
number 7 at a Caesar’s Palace roulette wheel. 

Whether you talk to a lawyer or do your own research, take care of these important matters as soon as you can.

Special thanks to Wahoowife for her contributions to this article.
Among many other wonderful things, she also happens to be a Certified
Financial Planner.