One of the most dreaded places for parents, while on vacation, is the gift shop. There’s nothing like paying an arm and a leg to go through an attraction, only to be forced to donate an organ and a gallon of blood at the gift shop. There should be no question that paying admission prices are usually worth the entertainment and educational value of the attraction. But, unfortunately, standard gift shop fare tends to be the same type of useless crap with a logo pasted on it.
To your kid, there’s nothing better than a stuffed animal inside a furry purse with a zoo logo on it. You know it’s not worth the price, but that doesn’t solve the issue of convincing your kids. What is the attraction? Are they dehydrated and brightly colored plastic is their oasis? Or is it just the appeal of a toy-like object? Whatever the reason, you need to know how to deal with it. Here are a few tips: Read the rest of this entry »
There will come a time when your child, feeling like an animal cornered in a cage, will hit you. This can be a scary action on their part and a potentially humiliating one for you. It normally occurs because your kid doesn’t know how to express themselves in anger and their animal instincts react in the form of an open hand. When it happens, you’ll know it is purely instinctual because any physical assault on purpose would be a closed fist. It can also escalate into a full blown fit of rage—one in which you need to settle them down and explain ramifications for their actions.
So what do you do when this happens to you? If you said, “Hit them back.” you should leave this site and never come back. We don’t want your scum around Noodad.com. If you said, “I don’t know what I should do.” then get comfortable, and read the following: Read the rest of this entry »
If you watch the Iron Chef you would know that “plating” is a big part in presentation of your meal. If you just throw a spoonful of slop in a bowl your kid will most likely not want to eat it. Oliver only asked for “more” because he was a dirty, starving orphan. Your kid needs to find eating fun and enjoyable. Here are some things that I have found success with when it comes to presentation of the meal. Read the rest of this entry »
A couple of years ago I wrote here on Noodad.com about what you need to know when flying with kids. My experiences at the time were small potatoes compared to the planning and fine tuned execution needed to pull off this one. Now I had 3 kids: a 5 year old girl that thinks she knows everything, a 3 year old boy that is potty training, and a 1 1/2 year old boy that does not like to be pinned down in a car seat. All this with a cross-country flight from Raleigh, NC to San Diego, CA with a layover at a little airport called JFK in New York.
Here’s what I learned from our trip. This list is not in order of appearance, only order of traumatic impact.
Always bring a change of clothes for you and your kids
Just when you think your 3 year old has mastered the “i need to take a piss and dump so I’m going to tell someone” this comes along. My 3 year old decided to not tell us that he peed in his pullup. 4 hours later his pee soaked pullup started trickling out onto his shorts and onto the plane seat. Then before realizing this fact, I sat him on my lap thereby soaking my shorts with his piss. Now we are faced with a decision of humiliating the poor kid for the duration of the flight and the layover by making him walk around in a pullup or having him sit in his pee-soaked shorts for the rest of the flight. We chose the latter. Good times. Read the rest of this entry »
Poodad is just one of those things that you know, “Happens”. And no doubt, it will happen when your kid is in the tub. This can be caused by many factors: the warmth of the water, the stimulation in the “Poodad Area” with the washcloth, the proximity to dinnertime, or some twisted vendetta against you. Regardless of reason, you need to know what to do when this occurs.
We all joke about how much “damage” a kid can do in the diaper when it comes to dropping the deuce but there are some serious health concerns when it comes to it. Contact to the skin can cause diaper rash or worse. Ingestion can cause serious health problems. So you need to know how to contain this incident quickly and without further harm. Read the rest of this entry »
With 3 kids under the age of 6 I am ready to call it quits and cap my family size at 5. Based on past performance, my wife and I are a pretty fertile bunch. And although I feel incredibly fortunate to have such virility, it can be really scary. I don’t need a 4th set of butt cheeks to wipe. Or a 4th mouth to feed. I don’t need another tour of duty with no sleep and no alone time. I’m done with kids and I don’t want any surprises. But maybe I am a little afraid of the ol’ snip snip. Or maybe I just want to do this thing slow. I don’t necessarily want to nuke all my soldiers at once. Or blow up the bridge over the River Kwai.
So what’s a dude to do? I started researching some ways to lower my sperm count. Although not fool-proof I figure if I do a little everyday, it will only help my cause. For you guys who don’t have your kids yet and want to help your chances, you may want to read this list so you know what not to do.
Some dads like gadgets and others like the Father’s Day tie. I am more the former, but this year I got something that beat any possible gift I could have dreamed up. My kids made me a poster called “Things I Love About Dad”.
My son busted into my bedroom this morning, like the Incredible Hulk through a wall. “HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!” he said, clutching the poster. I was still pretty sleepy as I was in the middle of exercising Father’s Day executive privilege also known as sleeping in.
Here’s how it’s done. Moms, get your kid or kids together. Next, ask them what they like about dad. If there is a baby, ask the bigger kids what the baby would say. Next, you write these on the poster, then you let the kids decorate. That’s it. My kids all like when I play with them, especially when we play ball. I learned that my son really thinks it’s awesome when we play slot cars together. My daughter likes it when I help her with things when she is afraid. She also thinks I look very handsome in my work clothes.
How can you beat that noodads? What did you get for Father’s Day?
Let’s face it, your kids have way too many things to play with. If you are like my family, besides the standard toys that play with from birthday gifts, etc, they have a whole sea of useless crappy toys.
If toys are like drugs, your kids grandparents are most likely the biggest dealers. But at least grandma and grandpa give the good quality stuff. Dealing with toy overflow from grandparents is an entirely different topic and one that warrants its own article.
Today, we are going to concentrate n the other stuff. To continue the metaphor, the toys you need to watch out for are from outside suppliers. They have lots of appeal but their poor quality only gives your kid a quick fix. I’m talking about the big 3: fast food places, birthday parties, and carnivals. Read the rest of this entry »
I discovered the beginnings of a great website for kids. The guy calls himself Sky Guy and he talks to kids about astronomy. I met Tom the “Sky Guy” through Seesmic and he is a very knowledgeable and friendly guy. He currently only has 2 videos so far, but by the looks of the following video, he has a good start to a great show for your kids.
Being a dad means an increasingly complex web of finances - multiple bank accounts, life insurance, IRAs, 529 accounts, credit cards in the hands of kids, and with all of that comes all of the financial paperwork and transactions to support it. Cause and effect being at play here, that means you’re also increasingly vulnerable to account abuse and identity theft. Being Noodads, you of course are smart enough to know you don’t write down internet passwords and you shred your sensitive mail…but does that go far enough? Security experts would say no.
I know that so I was doing some research online about credit checks and credit monitoring services…specifically interested in Life Lock. Life Lock is the company founded by that guy who plasters his Social Security Number on TV and buses. Turns out that his life wasn’t “locked” - some dude in TX was able to open a bank account using his SSN. Little piece of advice…don’t dare cheats - they have the time and the wherewithal to %^$# you. Life Lock is also being sued by several states. You can read all about it in this New York Times article.
One of the most dreaded places for parents, while on vacation, is the gift shop. There’s nothing like paying an arm and a leg to go through an attraction, only to be forced to donate an organ and a gallon of blood at the gift shop. There should be no question that paying admission prices are usually worth the entertainment and educational value of the attraction. But, unfortunately, standard gift shop fare tends to be the same type of useless crap with a logo pasted on it.
There will come a time when your child, feeling like an animal cornered in a cage, will hit you. This can be a scary action on their part and a potentially humiliating one for you. It normally occurs because your kid doesn’t know how to express themselves in anger and their animal instincts react in the form of an open hand. When it happens, you’ll know it is purely instinctual because any physical assault on purpose would be a closed fist. It can also escalate into a full blown fit of rage—one in which you need to settle them down and explain ramifications for their actions.
If you watch the Iron Chef you would know that “plating” is a big part in presentation of your meal. If you just throw a spoonful of slop in a bowl your kid will most likely not want to eat it. Oliver only asked for “more” because he was a dirty, starving orphan. Your kid needs to find eating fun and enjoyable. Here are some things that I have found success with when it comes to presentation of the meal. 
Poodad is just one of those things that you know, “Happens”. And no doubt, it will happen when your kid is in the tub. This can be caused by many factors: the warmth of the water, the stimulation in the “Poodad Area” with the washcloth, the proximity to dinnertime, or some twisted vendetta against you. Regardless of reason, you need to know what to do when this occurs.
