10 Questions with a Fellow Noodad

Last week, I blogged about William Van Winkle, the Oregon dad/author who is looking for answers from other dads for his new book, “Everyday Secrets for First-time Dads”.

I had the opportunity to ask him a few questions, Noodad-style. Enjoy, and then take his survey at Daddybook.com

Question 1: Tell us a little bit about why you wanted to write this book.

In the darkest days after the arrival of our first son, when he was dropping weight and wouldn’t or couldn’t eat, when my wife was in constant pain and I was powerless to help her, it was very hard to find a silver lining. I kept thinking, over and over, “Why didn’t someone warn me about any of this?” In my book, I tell the story of how on our third visit to the lactation clinic, one nurse grudgingly suggested that we try a nipple shield, this little $7 piece of perforated plastic that goes over the nipple to help with feeding. BAM! Problem solved! The kid could eat. My wife wasn’t biting through her bottom lip in agony. Everything got better instantly.

Why didn’t anyone tell us about this thing? Because of some stupid taboo. No matter how miserable you are, the Nipple Nazis say the only acceptable thing is skin-on-skin. And taboos like this are everywhere throughout the world of first-time parents. There are so many things that don’t get discussed—for whatever reason—and if new dads and moms just had a clue about some of them, there’s so much pain and anguish that could be relieved.

So, on one level, I wrote this book for me. This is about all the stuff I wish I’d known going into parenthood, including the things where I found myself wondering “Is what I’m doing or thinking normal?” That’s why I have the surveys. No one has ever defined “normal” for these things before. I don’t trust a Ph.D. to tell me if my wife should be randy in the third trimester or if I’m being too sensitive about peer pressure in how I handle my kids. I trust the people who answer these surveys. This book is about helping real people get through real life so they can feel less anxiety and more joy.

Question 2: We spend a lot of time here at Noodad, swapping poop stories. What’s your sickest, most disgusting kid poop story?

It’s a moral tale that begins with “Once upon a time, I didn’t listen to my wife .” Here’s the short version: We were shopping at Babies ‘R Us. My first was only a few months old, and he hadn’t been changed in a while. So we bopped over into the baby changing/feeding room, which is a very nice, dimly lit affair. It feels like somewhere you’d go for aromatherapy and a massage. Now, my wife’s standing advice was to have the new diaper in place and ready under the old diaper before exposing any baby gear to the elements. I forgot this part. Nervous and distracted over leaving my wife unattended in a store with a credit card and potentially massive shopping list, I put the baby on the changing table, removed the diaper, and was fishing for the replacement when he pulled a Belushi. You know the scene in Animal House when John Belushi does his zit imitation with a mouth full of mashed potatoes? Just add dark gravy and you now have what happened. His ass exploded. Across the table, spraying onto the wall, dribbling down to the floor. Never in my life has there been a time when I wanted less to poke my head out of a door and say, “Uhh, honey? Could you come here?” But I did. It wasn’t pretty.

Question 3: What stroller do you have and what size rims are you sporting on that beast?

I’m torn here. My personal fave is the Jeep Liberty Stroller, Limited Urban Terrain. Three-wheel jogging design, lightweight, awesome steering, and the Music on the Move sound system kicks ass once you install a 100W amp and 8-inch sub down in the cargo bay. You know the moms at the park are all like, “Baby, did you see that go by? Mmm-mm!”

For travel, though, I have to go with the Inglesina Zippy. Wicked expensive, but that’s what you get with an Italian import. (Could be worse. Could be French.) The Zippy succeeded the Planet, which we took to the U.K. and abused mightily. It’s light, compact, tough as nails, handles well, and isn’t fugly. When we trashed the stroller’s snap-out fabric, Inglesina sent us not one but two replacement sets for free. You can’t beat that.

Question 4: What was the one thing you wish you had packed for the hospital during the birth of your fist kid?

Less work. More snack food. And an inflatable sleeping pad. Holy mother of insomnia, hospital furniture is the worst. I guess that’s three things. Sorry.

Question 5: Maternity bras. Hot or not?

Come on! Is there any doubt? Sure, you don’t get the lift of a good underwire or the cleavage enhancement of a Wonderbra. But there’s milk in them thar hills! I was never breastfed as a baby, so the whole milk thing carries this magical fascination for me. Plus that milk is sitting there in these ripened, succulent, newly genetically enhanced melons just sitting a snap or a fold away, right under the surface. Maternity bras are the thin curtain veiling the grand prize. How could you not love them?

Question 6: Transformers or GoBots?

Neither. I confess, I was in my D&D phase while everybody else was doing Transformers and GoBots. Now, if there was a Transformers sub-group that could turn into a computer able to write my articles for me—or maybe a killer home theater setup…or marital aids—those would be my choice.

Question 7: Is Empire still the best Star Wars movie ever?

Best-written, without question. (Why Lucas, a self-proclaimed dummy at writing dialog, wouldn’t bring back someone of Lawrence Kasdan’s caliber to work on the new trilogy screenplays is baffling.) That said, my favorite remains Return of the Jedi for two reasons. 1) Jedi completes that whole mythical hero journey that was the foundation for the first trilogy (and is wholly absent in the second). It’s all about the son saving the father and rescuing the galaxy in the process. What new dad can’t appreciate that? 2) The first time I ever got my arm around a girl and held her hand was during a showing of Jedi—which I saw in the theater 12 times. I still get residual butterflies every time I hear that 20th Century Fox opening drum roll.

Question 8: If you could, would you breastfeed your kids?

Tough one. I love cuddling my kids, and you’d think that the whole skin-on-skin bonding thing we hear so much about with moms and infants would be irresistible. Actually, as I detail in one sidebar in my book, it is possible to “train” for two or three months in order to lactate. Men have the necessary (if almost never used) gear. But having seen the screaming agony my wife endured when breastfeeding didn’t go as planned, I’ll take a pass.

Question 9: What’s your sippy cup of choice and why? (Brand and model)

It’s tempting to go for manly crowd appeal here and say something like the Thermos Foogo. Stainless steel, seven ounce capacity, nice big handles, and it just looks swank. The killer phrase, though, is “hand wash.” I don’t think so. I don’t have time, and the thing has too many crannies for mold and whatever. The truth is that I like the Playtex Insulator. The valves come out easily and don’t fall through the dishwasher basket. The cups are virtually indestructible and cheap. Just throw one in a neoprene belt holster if you need an extra layer of cool and be done.

Question 10: What’s your diaper of choice and why? (Brand)

Pampers Cruisers. I have two boys, and it seems that Cruisers are the best at sealing in those long-range fire hose streams. We tried Huggies and Costco knock-offs and whatever, but Cruisers always emerged as the clear winner on keeping front-facing wetness in check. (I hear that Huggies are better for girls.) Now, for back end disasters, I got nuthin’. I have yet to find a diaper able to contain a serious chocolate melt-down. Then again, I suppose if such a thing really existed, it would be under the Ziploc brand.