The Revenge of the Foreskin

Posted on 02 11, 2008 under Current Events, Stuff by Paul Simpson | View Comments

clamp_gen2.jpgIn a past Master Debaters article we asked noodad.com readers to give their opinions on circumcisions for their sons.  Whether you’re a lawsuit-filing Intactivist bent on trimming circumcision from the litany of routine procedures for newborns, or you celebrate the cut like new mom and pop diva Christina Aguilera, the decision to circumcise (or not) is highly contentious.  Don’t stress about the issue too much, though, because your decision to circumcise your son isn’t necessarily the last word on his foreskin.

Through a process called restoration, your son can go from Trimmed Tim to Rumpleforeskin if he so chooses later in life.  And, thanks to a number of enterprising medical supply companies, he can restore himself to his natural state in the privacy of his own pants.  One example of these home restoration products is called MySkinClamp [Not for the weak stomached -Ed.] and comes from Down Under.  While it looks like a medieval torture device, for guys who want their foreskins back, MySkinClamp could join the ranks of such fabled Aussie imports as Fosters oil cans, Men at Work, and Steve “The Crocodile Hunter” Irwin.

According to the manufacturer’s website (complete with both photographic and video instructions), MySkinClamp works by gradually stretching the shaft skin over the glans.  The device is a series of three nesting spring-loaded cones mounted on a surgical grade stainless steel rod, and it includes a convenient leg strap.  Restoration with MySkinClamp doesn’t occur overnight.  The user has to wear the device for a few hours a day for about two years to achieve a full dermal turtleneck.  The sweet rewards touted at the end of the skin-stretching rainbow include heightened sensitivity, elimination of expensive performance enhancing drugs, and a psychologically better feeling knowing that you’re intact.

If you have your son circumcised you can feel a little bit better about the decision to do so knowing that a remedy is available.  If your son someday gives you grief about the circumcision you can always supply him with a MySkinClamp to re-stretch his Armstrong.  Throw one in his stocking for a Christmas he’ll never forget.

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  • Eric.M
    As a restoring circumcised male, I am quite angry at the way this article suggests that circumcision can be easily undone by some simple restoration technique and that parents should feel free to make the decision and not worry about it since it can be undone. Although "restoration" has greatly increased my sensitivity, I am well aware that "Foreskin Restoration" is by no means a full remedy for circumcision (Male Genital Mutilation as I prefer to call it) but more of a “band aide solution” since it causes damage that is permanent and undoable even by restoration. I will never be able to get back all the tissue, veins, arteries and nerves that made up this integral part of my body which was stolen from me. It's because of this irreversible damage and lack of medical necessity for it that I believe it is important to stop promoting this as a parent’s choice. Restoration is by no means an “Undo” button for what I view as the worst decision my parents had no right to make.
  • thanks
  • I would never ever let my son use that kind of thing, I'll file a lawsuit if someone would insist it to my son LOL
  • felderup
    i think the point, is that -adult- men use this thing, you already had a bit of your son hacked off for no good reason, are you saying that when he's an adult he can't fix your mistake? if you don't want your son to go to the extremes of requiring the partial restoration this thing offers, don't get the completely cosmetic foreskin removal done in the first place.
    and let's admit it, if everyone that was circumcised was ok with it, this thing wouldn't be needed, so, some large group of men must want a foreskin enough to make this device profitable.
  • enslavedkike
    the only remedy is to exterminate humankind
  • dack
    Circumcision DESTROYS 240 FEET OF NERVES, Which can NOT be replaced...
  • jimt09
    As cracked said, you cannot replace the specialised nerves lost and it takes years to achieve an effect. So you are wrong to crate the impression that the damage done by circumcision can be undone.
  • cracked
    Your decision to circumcise your son IS the last word on his foreskin. This device will create new skin, but will NOT create a new foreskin. There's a big difference. Let him make the decision on his own when he's an adult.
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