The Underlying Messages in Christmas Specials

Growing up, I vividly recall waiting for the annual airing of the classic Christmas specials.  The networks would start advertising right after Thanksgiving, and I’d count the days until I’d be reunited with the Grinch, Rudolph, and Frosty.  Even though I knew the outcome of each Christmas special, I still had to see them.  Now, thanks to the proliferation of cable stations and licensing agreements, you can’t channel surf in December without running into these specials.  In viewing some of these with an older and wiser eye, I detected some extremely negative themes behind the saccharine sweet songs and smiling claymation visages on the screen. 

Santa Claus is Coming to Town
In this special, we learn the story of Santa Claus and how some of the holiday traditions such as hanging stockings evolved.  However, kids also learn some more powerful, subversive messages during the tale. 

Bribery.  Kris Kringle melts the heart of the evil Winter Warlock with a toy train, charms the pants off the local schoolmarm with a doll, and nearly overthrows Burgermeister Meisterburger by giving the dictator a yo-yo.  Whenever someone doesn’t see things his way, Kringle pays them off like Tony Soprano greasing a building inspector.

Anti-government rebellion.  Hey, rules are rules.  If the Number One Lawmaker says “No toys!”, then no toys, right?  Not in rabble-rouser Kringle’s world.  Hey kids, if you don’t like the rules, just break ‘em! 

{mosnooad}(A special note about “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”: For those discerning aficionados of the Christmas Classics, you’ll notice that a musical number from the original version is missing.  While Kringle doles out his illegal wares to the children, he has them sit on his lap, and he sings, “If you sit on my lap today/A kiss for a toy is the price you’ll pay.”  Perverted extortionist!  That scene and song is noticeably absent in today’s version.)

A Christmas Story
While this may not qualify as a ‘special’, what’s not to love about Ralphie and the little scamp’s quest for the Christmas present of his dreams?  I dunno…GREED maybe?  You can’t forget the look on Peter Billinglsey’s face when he tears the wrapping paper off the Red Rider BB gun; but for some reason we all look past the fact that he bugged the ever-living hell out of every conceivable person who might hold the key to him getting the weapon in the first place.  From distraught mother’s wrestling in the aisles for Cabbage Patch Kids in the 80’s to Ebayers paying ridiculous premiums for Tickle Me Elmo to frostbitten dads camping in front of Target for a PS3; this cautionary tale is most directly responsible for parents going to obscene lengths to secure coveted loot, lest their brats’ Christmas be ruined. 

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
This all-time favorite seems to have been written by Al Bundy and Archie Bunker, but I’m not sure that even this dynamic duo of all-star bigots could have come up with a more offensive Christmas special had they sculpted the characters out of feces.  The creators of Rudolph don’t even try to hide the main equation in this heavyweight holiday champ.  Different=Bad.

If you are different, you will be crushed.  Your dad will disown you, your friends will turn on you, and your community will push you aside—Rudolph even gets burned by the winged lion king at the Island of Misfit Toys for chrissakes!  You’re SOL until, of course, your birth defect suddenly becomes of use to those who spurned you.  So, Fat-Kid-on-the-Playground-with-a-Gland-Problem, according to the Gospel of Rudolph, unless your schoolmates suddenly need a bunch of over-packed suitcases compressed in order to latch them shut, your girth will only earn you ridicule. 

As if they didn’t hammer this theme home well enough with Rudolph alone, just look at the Bumble.  They drop a giant rock on his head, have an unqualified, dentistry-enthusiast elf yank out all his teeth with a pair of pliers, and then push him off a cliff.  His reward: a no-benefit, once-a-year gig placing the star on top of the tree. 

Merry Bleeping Christmas, kids!