To Tot Lok or Not: A Lesson in Laziness

I am lazy and cheap and I am paying the price for it right now. But before you think I"m one of those guys that cuts corners, delays when reaching for the check, and picks roses from my neighbors yard for Valentine"s Day, I am none of those things. But when it came to deciding which baby lock system to install in my kitchen cabinetry, I wussed out.

STAGE ONE: MY LAZINESS
I started off with the best intentions. I moved into a house with a new kitchen and new cabinets. I had a 2 1/2 year old and a baby on the way. I would definitely need to lock these cabinets up but which ones to choose? I figured I had 2 options: The cool magnetic Tot Lok system from Safety 1st that I drooled over at some of my friends" houses or the cheap-o lame-ass white plastic latches.

So how does it break down? Let"s compare:

1. The Tot Lok is the Armored Car of cabinet locks. But not some lame-o vulnerable armor car like in Heat. It is a patented magnetic lock system that is really friggin hard to crack. Basically, you will need to break a hole through the cabinet door to get inside. A super strong magnet holds the door to the receptor installed in the cabinet. By placing a magnetic key, it demagnetizes it and allows you to get in. This makes the process incredibly simple: No key, no entry.

2. The Cheap-o plastic latches are just that. Plastic latches. You pull the cabinet door open and then the door catches after you pull it out a few inches. You insert finger to push the latch down away from the catch and then voila, your door is open. Or you can just yank the door real hard and the plastic catch will break off.

Remember I started with the best intentions. I decided money was no object for the safety of my kids and I purchased the Tot Lok starter pack. It cost me $30 for 4 locks. I opened the package and tons of eensey weensey parts came tumbling out. I read the directions and got my drill out.

See, for these suckers to work, they need to be precise and apparently they need to be made up of a bunch of tiny pieces. The magnet needs to fit into the door exactly. The hole that needs to be drilled must be precisely the right width and depth. Then where the magnet lines up with the other part must be exact. After 2 hours of trying to get one lock on only to find out it didn"t line up, I gave up. I was trying to be the little pig in the straw house with the protection of the brick one.

STAGE TWO: MY CHEAP-ASS-NESS
Remember you don"t have to do everything yourself. So I did what any person would do: I asked my dad to do it. He was in town to help us get settled in the new house and surely he could do this. After all he built his house with his bare hands! Ok he didn"t. But he paid for his house with his bare-hands! He is a handyman. Well after a couple of hours logged in by the grandfather front, he gave up as well.

OK. Contingency plan #2. Call an expert and get an estimate. This is where my Cheap-ass-ness comes in. When we received an estimate of over $300 for parts and labor, I admit, my kid"s safety was the last thing from my mind. All of a sudden the bulk pack of white plastic latches looked really darn good. At $4.99 for 24 of them and only 5 screws per lock, it agreed with my wallet and my screwdriver wrist. But that did not solve the problem…

STAGE THREE: THE BREAK IN
Almost instantly, my daughter was able to bust through the doors. First she used "The persistence method" mastered by members of the toddler clan. She would open the door then shut it. Open and shut it. Over and over again. Until the darn white plastic catch couldn"t sustain the constant nagging and said, "I give up." And by some stroke of luck one of the latches decided to hold out, she pulled the door in a downward diagonal motion adding undo stress to the hinges and thus to my heart. The cheap-o locks are the anti-childlock. See the problem with those latches is it works when the door is opened straight out. But toddlers are shorter so when they pull the door open they are pulling it out in a downward angle. See diagram below. In essence, my daughter obliterated any type of protection I could put up.

STAGE FOUR: MY REGRET
This is a cautionary tale my friends. Don"t worry, my daughter did not drink a bottle of Clorox. We have had no such accidents. But the kids have managed to dent our pots and pans as well as our hardwood floors. They can get into the pantry, manhandle a box of cereal and leave the crumbs for the night crew (me). They can pretty much get into most anything they want to. I am forced to tighten and retighten screws every other day. I have calloused fingers from depressing the latch that seems to only work for my wife and I not my kids. Alas, I can"t justify the cost now because my daughter is at a stage where she doesn"t want to get in anymore and in some sick way I figure, it would be easier for us to just get by with our ghetto lock system with our son then pay $300 for a lock system only being used by one kid.

So the chemicals go back above the refrigerator and the fancy dishes go to the top shelf. Learn from my faults, Noodads. Spend the money on Tot Lok. It is worth it.

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