Hey Mom, Know What Your Husband Really Wants for Father’s Day?

You may be asking yourself, "Why in the world is Noodad and Foodad posting an article directed at moms?" The answer is simple: These ladies are cool moms and their book is bad.ass. And…read suggestion #1: show it to your wife and thank us later.

By Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill and Julia Stone, co-authors of Babyproofing Your Marriage

So, ladies, what’s it going to be for Father’s Day this year?  Do you want to stick with the usual standbys – necktie, sporting goods, power tools – or instead, really try to knock his socks off?  In writing Babyproofing Your Marriage, we talked to hundreds of dads who told us they were desperately in need of a little appreciation.  Yet another addition to his sports/sock/electrical appliance collection won’t make your man feel like he’s king for the day.  He’d rather have one of the Three A’s:  Appreciation, Affirmation or Acknowledgement.  Sound familiar?  He wants the same thing you do!

Most men told us that no matter how hard they work, they feel like it’s never enough for their wives.  According to them, we only seem to notice the things they don’t do (forgetting to pick up the milk), and/or the things they don’t do right (dressing the kids for church in football jerseys).

We all do it.  We get caught up in the small stuff and overlook their regular acts of heroism.  Sometimes, parenting can indeed be a thankless task, but Father’s Day is a chance to recognize the super-hero that is your husband.  So this year, pick from the following “show your appreciation” list and make his day:

1.  What do You Think?  Of course, the first (and quite possibly, only) thing he really wants – a little Dad’s-Day action .  Why not?  Send the kids to lunch with Grandpa and buy yourselves a couple of hours.

2.  Let Him Off the Leash.  For a few hours anyway.  Grudge-free.  Most dads are just as exhausted as us moms.  Give him a chance to hop off the treadmill and relax.  Get the kids out of the house so he can lounge around watching reruns of the 1998 Masters or just sleep for the entire afternoon. Alternatively, drop him off at the track, golf course, spa or home improvement store and let him have at it.

3.  Give Him a Promotion.  Many dads feel like they’re the Bottom Head on the Family Totem Pole, somewhere below the dog and above your Aunt Mildred.  We don’t mean to ignore them, it’s just with work, the house and the kids, there’s often no physical or mental energy left over for them.  But guys value couple time just as much as we do.  He would love to hang out with you the way you did in the old days.  So set aside the dishes and the bills and the soccer practice, just for a little while, and give him your full and undivided attention.  You can do this at home or, better yet, at the dining establishment of his choice (unless, of course, that establishment is Hooters). 

4. Let Him Be the Dad He Wants to Be.  Guys often feel they’ve been relegated to the demeaning and powerless role of Assistant Mom, and that they are held to ridiculous (some would call it “anal”) standards of parenting perfection.  According to them, we are like the Russian Judge, ever-ready with a score of “2” as we hang over their shoulders, critiquing everything from their diaper-changing techniques to their choice of playtime activities.  Father’s Day is an opportunity for us to recognize that our husbands’ different approach to parenting ultimately adds huge value to our kids’ lives.  So hand over the reins and let him relate to the kids on his terms.  Sure, it might feel like you’ve let the Cat in the Hat into your house; things might get dirty and knees might get scratched, but at the end of the day, who cares?  Let them have fun together without micromanaging.  What’s more, learning to take a step back might bring us women a little closer to that co-parenting ideal we all want. 

5. Public Commendation.  Do you ever feel like your husband expects a gold star for performing the most menial of housekeeping and childcare chores?  “Great job washing those dishes, Honey!”  It’s an infuriating male trait, but awarding them an occasional medal of honor won’t kill us.  And what better day than Father’s Day to do it?  The more public the better.  Express your appreciation for your husband in front of both him and the kids (and maybe even his parents or yours if you’re all together).  Say “Isn’t your Dad wonderful!” or “Do you all know how lucky you are to have such an incredible Daddy?”  He might not get all mushy the way you would, but it’ll still make him feel like a million bucks.

If you would like to read more about Babyproofing Your Marriage, visit www.babyproofingyourmarriage.com.

NOODAD'S TAKE: UMM…YUP. ALL ARE TRUE. BUT IF YOU NEED TO PICK ONE, GO WITH #1.