Reconnecting With Her Through DDR

Maybe you have a new baby and you’re not getting to spend a lot of time together, or your kids are older and they’re driving you crazy driving back and forth from soccer, hockey and karate practice. Whatever the reason you’re spending less time together, I have three words for you:

Screw Doctor Phil.

You don’t need a “Seven-Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner.” We have a “Relationship Rescue” in a single step.

Or a single step, followed by a lot of steps. Dr. Foo understands you better than an Oprah-coat-tail-riding, overweight, glorified weight-loss counsellor.

I AM you.
I know that you want to to spend time with your wife but that you’ve got a plate full of priorities including your relationship with your wife, your kids, your job, watching sports, playing sports, fantasy sports, betting on sports, eating Vietnamese food, competitions, drinking beer, eating Chinese food, visiting noodad.com (we know you’re using some work time, you’re not fooling anyone), checking out some boobs, eating Thai food, getting laid, getting that weird mole checked out, fixing the gutters, wacking off, eating sushi, playing poker, mowing the lawn, eating pizza and playing video games. Oh yeah, and way way way way way down on the list, exercise.

Your needs make your life as complex as the situation in the Middle East. Should you exercise caution and develop a plan substantiated by hard facts before acting? Hell no. You should spring into action with a half-baked idea from Dr. Foo and the scientists at Noodad Labs. The challenge is combining these priorities in creative ways and maximizing the time you spend with your family. It should be obvious that many of these, just like acid and bleach (which generates toxic chlorine gas TAKE MY WORD FOR IT), should not be mixed. Luckily, we have discovered a way to combine a boatload* of them.

Dr. Foo’s solution is Dance Dance Revolution. Think about it. Many women love to go out to a club and get their dance on. They may not be huge gamers, but if they are, a lot of women I know are into puzzle games like Tetris, Snood or Bejewelled. This combines many of your aforementioned needs: relationship with your wife, relationship with your kids (if they’re old enough to play), exercise, competition and playing video games. If you’re competitive, compete. If not, you can help each other figure out the best way to solve the puzzle together. You just need to step on the correct arrows when DDR tells you. With a slew of songs and 3 different levels, the replay value is extremely high because you need to practice, practice, practice to get the song right. It will provide hours of time for you two to bond.

The science: [relationship*(wife)*competition*(gaming + exercise)]/kids = DDR. My wife and I play several times a week. It’s great because I get my fat ass off the couch, we’re getting a little competition and gaming in and it gives us both something to look forward to on a night that we don’t have a babysitter. You can’t get therapy from a Bahama University shrink for the price of DDR, and chances are noodad, you already have a Playstation, PS2, XBOX, XBOX 360 or a PC so all you need is the game and a couple of dance pads.

Have fun noodad, Dr. Foo’s bill is in the mail!

*technical unit of measure for people and objects that can fit on a Boston Whaler.