Suffering from Man-struation

It's my time of the month. I can't explain it but for some reason little things get on my nerves, I'm irritable, I'm feeling a tad bloated, and I am generally a pain in the ass to be around. These days, I pop a few StressTabs in my mouth every morning. You know the pills: the ones with the picture of the candle being burned on both ends on the outside?

A week ago, I was fine. There was an optimism in the air. Everything was cheery. Then little by little, a cloud started to form over my head. At first I thought I was imagining my ever-increasing bitchiness. But when I still couldn't sustain a smile after my Red Sox swept the Yankees last weekend, I knew I had it bad. I was Man-struating.

You may think that having the "time of the month" is reserved for the vagina and boob crowd, but you are wrong. Men can go through it too. Sure, we aren't purging discharge from our bodies but we can get pretty moody. And for no apparent reason, we can snap at innocent loved ones with our irrationality.
Some less-than-reputable medical people believe man-struation is caused by unknown forces in the man's brain that causes him to believe that he has a right to be an out-right bee-atch once a month too. For you lady readers, you need to understand: we have hormones that misfire every once in a while too. How else do you explain why we cry at the end of Field of Dreams ? (Here's a hint: it's because our fondest memories as kids were having a catch with our dads)

Although not confirmed, many people speculate that the following events in history were triggered by men being forced to make decisions during their man-struation period:

• The cancellation of Walker: Texas Ranger
• George Foreman's overambitious sparring partner before the Rumble in the Jungle
• The wise man that thought Myrrh was a good baby gift
• Shaq in Kazaam
• The voting off of Shandi Finnessey from Dancing with the Stars
• Carrot Top

See how much damage can be done when not treated?

So how do you deal with man-struation? Forget chocolate fellas, in my experiences, beef jerky or Slim Jims are the only way to go. Then, instead of taking a bath, recaulk it.

This too, will pass. Just in time to go through it again next month.