The Noodad Breastfeeding Dictionary

Posted on 04 27, 2006 under Her by Noodad | Comments

If your wife is breastfeeding or plans to breastfeed,  you will be barraged with new terminology. Not only should you know what they mean, you should be respectful of the implications they carry with them. For all you veteran Noodads, please add to this list so the newbies can be prepared.

Engorge (en"gorj)
verb
1 cause to swell with blood, water, milk, or another fluid

Noodad Explanation: Your wife"s boobs will fill up with milk after the baby is born. This will cause them to be huge (I"m talking Tera Patrick huge) and incredibly sensitive. Do not dare make contact with them or even look at them. Imagine getting kicked in the nuts and then jumping on a trampoline. That"s the pain your wife will have.

Used in context: "Dammit honey! You left that newspaper hanging off the table and I walked past and it grazed my engorged breast. Now I will kill you." 

 

Express (ik"spres)
verb
1 squeeze out liquid or air
Noodad Explanation: Milk will shoot out of the nipple. It will not just drip out. You know when you tried to empty the Capri Sun into a glass so you squeeze the bag and it shot a concentrated stream out the straw? That"s what I"m talkin about. Sometimes, your wife"s breasts will be so engorged that when she positions her breast in front of the kid it will shoot milk all over the place.
Used in context: "Honey, I accidently expressed milk all over the floor. Go get a mop.

Let Down ("let,doun)
noun
1 a decrease in size, volume, force
2 the release of milk in a nursing mother
Noodad Explanation: Once your wife is able to express the milk, there is a sensation called "let down". Your wife will groan and moan in such a way that you will think she is having an orgasm. Boy do you wish. This euphoric feeling is not because your kid is sucking on her boob! It is because the milk is being released from her body. So before you get all weirded out thinking that your kid is getting your wife off, chill out.
Used in context: "Ohhhhhhhh. Mmmmmmmmm. Let down. Ahhhh"

Latch (la CH)
verb
1 become fixed in a particular state
Noodad Explanation: Your kid will not get appropriate suction unless they latch onto the breast. This challenging at first for the mother as they are not familiar with how a "latched" baby feels like. After some practice it gets better.
Used in context: "Your daughter will not latch. I hope she latches soon because I am so engorged."

Wean (wén)
verb
1 accustom (an infant) to food other than its mother"s milk
Noodad Explanation: When you and your wife decide it is time for your kid to kick the boob juice habit, then you begin a "weaning" process. This is as simple as slowly increasing solid food intake while decreasing breast milk. Sometime you may hear the term, "Self-weaning". This means that your child has decided on their own to decrease their milk consumption. This will occur by a decrease in time spent nursing or a blatant refusal all together.
Used in context: "I think it is time to start weaning your son. He won"t nurse for more than 5 minutes now and he is eating a ton of solids now."

Learn them, study them, and use them at cocktail parties. Good luck Noodads.

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