The Wife-Kid-You Death Triangle

Remember when it was easier? All you had to concern yourself with was pleasing your wife and then taking care of yourself. For her, you cooked dinner every once in a while. You had flowers delivered to her work so she could show off to her co-workers. You even remembered to put down the toilet seat every once in a while when you thought the notion would get you some action.

For yourself, you made sure you had your daily dose of Madden. You treated yourself to a bottle of good wine every once in a while. You went to Best Buy and actually bought stuff, instead of just drooling over them.

You were a stud and you knew it. And the things you didn”t master with the confusing world of relationships, you learned to live with.Then the kid came. At first it was all hugs and giggles. You could handle this dad thing and anything it came with. But slowly you began to realize this little kid ruined the racket you ran with your wife.

Now the “talks” are multi-faceted and way deeper. You aren”t arguing anymore about why you treated her differently when you were with your friends. That situation you could handle. Now you are arguing the finer, more important points of why the way you discipline could send the wrong message to an impressionable 3 year old.

This is called the Wife-Kid-You Death Triangle. No matter what you do in any situation must now gain approval from the wife and meet standards for your kid. Your kid or kids have now infused themselves into the already complicated web of relationships. So instead of a Mano vs Mano struggle, it is a Mano vs Mano vs Kiddo nightmare. Now you must deal with:

• Your problems
• Your wife”s problems
• Your kid”s problems
• The problems your wife thinks your kid has
• The problems your wife thinks your kid has because of something you did
• The problems your wife thinks you caused your kid
• And how to call effective audibles during a 2:00 drill in Madden 2008 (Priorities. Right?)

So how to you navigate through this dense buckthorn of guilt, blame, and regret? First you must accept that your life is different now. And that you can”t effectively navigate through it without losing something. That something could be weekly poker nights, middle of the night sex romps, and your pride.

I wish I had all the answers. The only piece of advice I can give is that it is possible your wife may consume her mind with the inner workings of your kid way more than you will. And it is possible that she will want to talk to you about it. This is not her placing blame (although sometimes it feels that way). Rather it is her way of asking your opinion and inviting you to take part in raising your kid. Do not dismiss your wife”s concerns just because you think it is nothing. Because if she”s concerned, you should be too.