Why Dads Get Screwed

This post was originally published May 10, 2007. With father’s Day approaching it’s good to reflect on how Mom’s score with Mother’s Day.

The following rant is an irrational, straight-from-the-heart rambling by a sleep-deprived overworked and stressed-out father. You have been warned.

The big day for moms is coming up this sunday: Mother’s Day. It’s a time for celebrating the best thing to ever happen to you and your kids: the mom. And even though it is all nice and cheery, deep down inside, us dads who are really honest about are feelings, feel like we get the royal screwjob. There is no question that moms deserve everything they get, but dads wants some action too. Here’s why:

Reason Dads Get Screwed #1: The Timing
Mother’s have the nicest part of the year: just when people are exiting their hibernation caves and spending more time outside, Mother’s Day comes along. The flowers are blooming, the birds are chirping and people are generally in an optimistic mood.

What do dads get? Do we get the optimism of spring? Hell no. We get the beginning of the oppressive summer. We get the middle of June, wedged between Grandparents day and the Fourth of July.

Reason Dads Get Screwed #2: The Kids in School
For gradeschool and pre-school kids, the weeks leading up to Mother’s Day are filled with stories about mom, activities revolving around mom, and project time to make mom a Mother’s Day gift. As a result, moms get some seriously sentimental swag.

What do dads get? Well if your kids happen to still be in school, they certainly aren’t thinking about Father’s Day. No, they are thinking about getting the heck out of school and hitting the Slip N Slide (because the heat is so damn oppressive). They aren’t learning about why their dads are so special. They are watching movies during end-of-the-year filler days before the final dismissal.

Reason Dads Get Screwed #3: The Gifts
Life isn’t always about gifts but sometimes, the real honest dudes admit that they do like to get stuff. The differences between men and women (Mars and Venus) screws us n the department of gift giving. Here’s why it burns us

• Men are stupid. And we typically can’t get sentimental so we make up for it by buying expensive stuff. Or we buy expensive stuff for our wives and let the kids give it to them. It makes us feel better because we just can’t bear to write poetry just to get laid anymore.
• Women on the other hand, take a lot of time thinking about special gifts for their husbands. Like slippers and pajama pants. Then they have the kids hand make cards.
• But the real issue is us dads keep score. And the 2 bills we dropped on a Coach bag for mom a mere month earlier translates in our minds to anticipating 2 tickets to REO Speedwagon, The Sopranos 5th Season on DVD, or at the bare minimum the home brew beer kit we have been wanting.

Reason Dads Get Screwed #4: We Typically Don’t
Let’s face it, all men typically want is to get a little action. And most times, women don’t equate “putting out” with special events. It is a longer marinading process (Sometimes overnight). Don’t get us wrong, (if I were to take this metaphor further), the extra flavor is worth the longer marinade time, but we just wish the preparation started a day earlier so we could get some good old fashioned lovin’ on father’s day.

There you have it, noodads, the reasons why dads get screwed on Father’s Day.