7 Steps to the Diaper Change Pin Down

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7 Steps to the Diaper Change Pin Down

Posted on 11 27, 2008 under The Manual by Noodad | Comments

604248_doll_male There is a nice frame of time in the diaper-wearing life of your kid that will frustrate the hell out of you. It typically occurs after your kid starts running around on their own, and before they know how to communicate fluently with you with words.

This is a time where, during the diaper change you will be forced to pin your kid down onto the mat. For many different reasons, your kid will stubbornly fight you during a diaper change. They may kick you, squirm and wiggle, and scream their bratty little heads off like a caged animal.

Frequently, when dealing with matters of the poodad, every second counts. Delay can mean the difference of poodad on the clothes and a clean pit stop. This sense of urgency will cause these little diaper change tantrums to seem like the stress you feel trying to find your wife a gift on Christmas Eve.

You need to pin them down, strip down the clothes, remove the soiled undergarment, wipe'm down, and replace the diaper all while they are bucking like a wild pony. Here's how to pin them down safely and effectively.

Step One: Use the Floor
I highly recommend that you use the floor for these difficult diaper changes. This recommendation of course, is only when you are at home. The floor gives you more space, less opportunity for your kid to stage dive off of the changing table, and the leverage you need for applying the right amount of upper body pressure.

{mosnooad}Step Two: Clear the Area
It is important to follow the same technique you learned in CPR class when dealing with epileptic fits: clear anything in the area that can injure your kid. I use the length of my kid as the radius length.

Step Three: Prepare the Tools
Your kid will most likely be running around like a mad man. Do yourself a favor and prepare the wipes and diaper ahead of time. Open up the diaper and place it open facing in front of you. Take out 2 or 3 wipes so that they are ready for quick deployment.

Step Four: Bait. Then Switch
There are 2 ways to capture your prey: You can go out and snatch and grab. Or you can bait them and have them come to you. I prefer the latter as A) I'm lazy sometimes and B) It gives my kid an opportunity to follow my directions and hear positive reinforcement when they do. Don't be surprised if you have to do a combination of both. For instance, you may start with calling them over, then follow it up with holding up your car keys or cell phone, then when all else fails, you have to go out and take care of business with your own two hands.

Step Five: Maximizing One Arm
Most kids squirm and fight with their hands. All kids squirm and fight with their feet. You will need to determine which kid yours is. The key is to pin down the kid just enough that they don't move but not enough that they feel restrained. But the tricky part is doing that with only one hand and arm. See, you need the second arm to wipe and strap.

I have found that if you lay your kid with the head on the left of you and their feet right in front of you, a good grip is to grab the upper right thigh with your left hand while gently resting your left elbow on their chest. The gripping of the thigh ensures they do not roll side to side while giving you the lift you need to remove and insert diapers.

Step Six: The Point of No Return
There is a point in the process where you simply cannot go back. This occurs when you start removing the dirty diaper. Once you do it, you are pot committed and you need to go all in. If you don't you run the risk of a poopy ass rubbing all it's goodness on the mat, on the floor, and on you. You must be absolute certain that you have secured the kid before unstrapping the diaper.

At any point before this step, you may decide to abort mission if you get a bad feeling about the mission.

Step Seven: Get Over Yourself
You will be tempted to feel guilty over the screaming and kicking you will receive while restraining your kid. Get over yourself. You aren't restraining them because you are mean. You are restraining them because you need to keep them clean. If you consume yourself with guilt you will not be ready an hour later when you need to do it again.

Good luck noodads.