Adoption Zealot Bear Trap

I am a member of the international adoption community. Within our community there are certain dos and don"ts—that we aren’t necessarily that good at sharing or that you might not know how to find out. BEWARE! Adoption Zealots are out there now, waiting to inform you! They are camouflaged and want to spring forth like a lion on its prey. They will overfill your virtual bucket with their waterfalls of information! BEWARE! The Adoption Zealot is one of the most politically correct animals in today"s society.  I heed you this warning, friend noodad. Tread lightly and watch what you say.

Before you ask adopters questions, it is important to know a few basic things. 
 

Their adopted children are their real children.
Their adopted children are their own children.
They are the child’s real parents.
 

Earth shattering mistake #1: The Almighty Savior!
Example: "Your daughter/son is so lucky!” “You saved them."
Some of the ultra-conservatives may actually agree with you.  I am not one of those people.  While you may be providing the child a better life than they would have had previously in [insert_country_here], it is impossible to know that this is true.  You will never know what their path in life would be if they had gone a different course. Sure, there are extreme cases, but your kid is tough and your kid is a survivor, who knows that they would not have overcome even the most extreme circumstances?  Also, your kid is totally 100% AWESOME, so if you did not adopt them, chances are that someone else would have.
My response: We are the lucky ones.
Zealot response: Some may agree. Others will scoff at you for even suggesting that their child had any other fate than to be their child. It was <insert preferred higher power>’s divine will that they be together forever! I think the same thing is true, but I do not need to do all of that chewing.
 

Life threatening error #2: Who “Own” de Chiefs?
Examples: “Why didn’t you just have your own kid?” “Are you still going to try to have your own?”
This is a tough one because you have made a lot of assumptions that you should have been more sensitive about. Shame on you noodad!  You probably do not know about the couple’s fertility issues or their history of trying to have a kid.  If you were to ask me this question, you would be ignorant to the fact that my wife and I had two first choices.  The adoption zealot knows what you mean, however they choose to take an opportunity to hop up on the soap box and educate you on the finer points of adoption in a not-so-subtle way.
My response: This is my own kid.
A Zealot response: This time the zealot is certain to chew your head off for even suggesting that their child had any other fate that to be their child. It was <insert preferred higher power>’s divine will that we be together forever!
How to properly phrase this delicate question: Will you still try to have biological children? I don’t recommend going down this path though.  Let your wife, girlfriend or life partner do it instead.
 

Famine causing problem #3: Real Madrid <- (Welcome football fans to noodad.com!)
Examples: “Do you know who his real parents are?”
My response: Yes. (If they ask “who”?) Us.
A Zealot response: WE ARE the real parents. You will then get a dissertation about the role of each of the people in the child’s life. Again, there may be something about divine will. They may tell you what they know about the child’s BIRTH parents.

What causes adoption zealousness?
International adoption can have a lot of unknown variables and unanswered questions that cause people to have confused, sad or even conflicted emotions.  Sometimes people let these emotions and feelings live in the foreground of their lives, so if you push a button (even by accident), you’re likely to open the trapdoor. Some people just feel like it is their duty to educate.  Some people have waited so long to have a child in their life that they try a little too hard to make everything perfect. Whatever the reason, they do not like it when a hooligan like you, who does not have the same life experience, show his ignorance. Noodad, they mean well, but sometimes they get a little excited. Zealot, noodads mean well, but they don’t know what you’ve been through. Now kiss and make up you two!  Whoa. That’s some kiss! I was thinking maybe like a figurative kiss or a firm handshake. You guys are totally making out like Brokeback Mountain! Get a room!
 
If you have other questions on International Adoption or if you Adoption Zealots want to complain about how I oversimplified your stance, shoot me an email at spiderfoo@noodad.com and you will inspire me to write yet another piece of hard hitting, Pulitzer prize quality journalism.