Baby Murphy’s Law: A Curse On Your House
Posted on 08 11, 2009 under The Manual by Noodad | Comments
Murphy's Law: Any of certain humorous axioms stating that anything that can possibly go wrong, will go wrong.
There are many things that parents go through every day. Some of these
things are glorious: like a hug from your son or a smile from your
daughter. But some of these things are not so cheery. Sometimes, things
happen to you that you swear is the result of some higher power paying
you back for doing something really bad in a past life.
I call it "Baby Murphy's Law" and it can take any form. Baby Murphy's
Law events can be small and festering (like a wart) or they can be a
big deal—something that could very well put you over the edge of
sanity.
Baby Murphy has a thing for screwing with my household. Man, I really
must have done something bad. Let me give you a better idea of what I'm
talking about. You may determine Baby Murphy plays a part in your house
too.
SCENARIO 1: You notice a disastrous odor coming from the
direction of your kid's ass. You check his diaper. It is clean. You
still smell it. You check again. Still clean. Finally he pees in the
diaper and you decide to wait it out a few minutes just in case the gas
develops into something tangible. After a few minutes: still nothing.
You decide to change his diaper. Right after you strap on the new
diaper, re-snap the onesie, put back on the pants, he unleashes black
death into his diaper.
"Curse you Baby Murphy!" (With a clenched fist waved in the air)
SCENARIO 2: Your kid climbs up on a couch. She then climbs back
down. She repeats this process for a half an hour. She is having fun
and is in complete control. But you are still watching her because you
don't want her to get hurt under your watch. Your wife comes into the
room and as you turn your head to say hi to her, your kid does a
faceplant on the floor and screams bloody murder.
"Damn you Baby Murphy!" (With arms in the air)
SCENARIO 3: Your son has a diaper full of pee. The urination
that took place was of racehorse proportions. Normally, when changing
you son's diaper you always block the super soaker with a wipe (Just in
case). But this time, due to the fact that you feel it is impossible
for your kid to give any more, you forego the shield. You get pee
blasted like a hazing ritual at the firehouse.
"Baby Murphy!" (In a Seinfeld "Neuman" tone)
SCENARIO 4: Your entire family is in the car on a roadtrip. You
are stuck in stop and go traffic on the highway and you finally get to
a REST AREA. You pull over to get refreshments and to use the bathroom.
You bring your kid in and tell her to use the potty. She tries but
can't go. You tell her to try harder. She gets mad at you for putting
too much pressure and still does not go. You finally relent and pack
everyone back into the family truckster. As you merge back into the
stop and go traffic, car directly in front, another car filling in
behind you, you hear the words, "Daddy, I need to pee!!!!"
Flick Baby Murphy the finger.
SCENARIO 5: There is a box of popsicles in the freezer that your
daughter claims to not like. You push it every night after dinner and
every night she turns it down. Eventually, it starts to develop a nice
freezer burn covering and you decide after another few weeks of
debating whether to eat them yourself or just throw them out, to just
throw them out. The very next evening your daughter asks for the
popsicle.
"Nooo! Why Baby Murphy? Why?"
So is Baby Murphy wrecking havoc in your house?
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