Curbing Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry could be a real pain. Just ask Abel. So how do you keep things cool between your kids? (For sake of simplicity let's talk about the deal with 2 kids. Any of you Noodads out there who have more than 2 kids, please share your thoughts.)

The key to keeping your kids on the Ross and Monica Gellar vibe is to first off be united with your wife. When my daughter was born she was my life. She was also my wife's life, and all 4 of her grandparent's life. She ruled our universe and she knew it. So when we got ready for the second kid we needed to plant the seed.

As the all-knowing ruler of our universe, my daughter felt a great disturbance in the force. Who was this rebel force waiting to overturn her undisputed rulership? I mean her playroom wasn't even fully operational yet! My wife and I needed to strike early and often. Here are a few tips we learned through pregnancy, birth, and then the first few months of our daughter having a brother:

During Pregnancy
– Start pointing out friends and relatives that have siblings to your first born. Or reminding them that their auntie or uncle is Daddy's sister or Mommy's brother etc. This will also work with TV shows.
– Constantly refer to the baby as if they are already immersed in your day to day life.
– As the pregnancy progresses, allow them to feel the mother's belly. The more they interact with the baby the better.
– Always position the baby as someone that they will get to play with and teach things to. Word of caution though, you should remind them that when the new baby is first born, they will not be able to play they will simply eat, poodad, and cry.
-Should you choose the name and decide to make it public, allow your first born to tell people. This possession of secret knowledge will make them feel part of the process.
-As the delivery date nears, explain to your child that the baby is coming soon and that when it comes it may be in the middle of the night or during school, or whenever. Also explain what will happen. Example: "When the baby comes, grandma will come and stay with you and mommy and daddy will go to the hospital. Then when the baby comes, Daddy will come home and pick you up and you will get to meet your baby brother! Yay!!!"

During Birth
– Have your 2 kids exchange gifts. I know this sounds funny but this is the most important piece of advice to give. By having the kids exchange gifts it is sort of a welcome package for the older one and a cover charge for the baby to get into the club. My daughter picked out a stuffed animal dog a week before my son was born and proudly gave it to him in the hospital. My son on the other hand came prepared: he gave my daughter a set of plastic Home Depot Toy Tools. Despite the tricky talk-around on how our son packed such a big tool set in mommy's tummy, this made an incredible impression on my daughter. To this day, 1 year later she still remembers that moment. Again, very important.
– Ok, second important piece of advice. Hey this is the big show my friends, everything else up to here was training camp. When your first born comes into the recovery room, DO NOT have your baby in your hands or in your wife's hands. Remember when you were in high school and you forgot a book in your locker so you went back inside and saw your girlfriend smooching your best friend? Ok neither do I but that would suck right? That's how your kid will feel if they come in and all of a sudden you are holding their replacement. If you do this you might as well have your first born come in with a paper bag on their head, 2 eye holes cut out, and the word SCAB written on with black magic marker. Leave the kid in the crib for the beginning.

After Birth
-They say to treat your new kid the first few months as if they don't exist. They say to just feed them, change them, and pick them up all the while playing with your other kid. That sounds all nice and rosy but it is very impractical for one person. Of course it depends on the age disparity but kind of difficult. But it isn't difficult for 2 people. You really need to pitch in more than ever now. Have special Father-son or Father-daughter time with your first kid. Make a big deal of how it will be just you two. Just make sure your first born feels special, not superior. Or they will pull a Commodus and start asking if they aren't merciful.
– Your kid WILL lash out in some way to gain attention. Sort of a "Yo, I'm your favorite. Remember?" You need to slowly introduce the idea that they are not the only one but it doesn't mean you will love them any less.
-Strive to slowly move towards equal favoritism in everything you do. There is one exception to this rule when it comes to special days like birthdays, etc. This is a special day for one of your kids, not both of them. If it is your second kid's birthday, involve the first kid in the planning, the hosting, etc. But do not in any way give them gifts.

This is not a task oriented exercise. This is an ongoing initiative that you must stay consistent and strong with. Good luck men.{mosimage}