Diaper Changing in Public: Know the Etiquette

A
wise man once said, "Shit Happens." And that person, despite what you
think you know, wasn't Forrest Gump. And until you reach that golden
age when your kids can tend to themselves, you will be changing some
diapers.

Although you may be more comfortable dropping the deuce in pre-approved
toilets,  the white, plastic thing strapped to your kid's behind
has given them carte blanche to dump wherever they choose. No doubt,
they will exercise that right and will make deposits anytime, anyplace.
You need to be prepared. But you also need to know the rules to changing those
buggers in public and when you have guests.

Rules on how to excuse yourself, where to change, and
where to discard the offender depend on the setting and the company.
here's a quick breakdown.

YOUR HOUSE (WITH COMPANY)
Excuse: You may say whatever you want or nothing at all. This is your house after all. Your equipment, your supplies.
Location: Depending on the attendees, you may want to take your
kid into the nursery or bathroom to change them. With closer friends
and family it is perfectly acceptable to change the kid right there in
the room without interrupting your conversation.
Disposal: Use your common disposal area: Diaper Genie, etc.

SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE
Excuse: It is important that you let the host know you need to
change the kid and ask where an appropriate place will be. A line like,
"I need to change a diaper, is there a good place for me to do that?"
is preferred.
Location: The previously agreed upon "best place to change the diaper". Or, a bathroom with a closed door is always acceptable.
Disposal: This depends on whether the host has kids of similar
diaper dependency.  It is always a good idea to carry plastic bags
with you and to be prepared to wrap it up and put it in your diaper bag
to be thrown out at a later time. If the host has kids who need diaper
changes, it is acceptable to ask, "Where would you like me to throw out
this diaper?"

RESTAURANT
Excuse: Politely excuse yourself from the table by saying,
"Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom and change a diaper." You
should be specific when announcing the reason. If you aren't specific,
they may think you are going to do some damage on your own.
Location: Always the bathroom. Even if there is no Koala Kare
unit. Food and poop just don't mix and you need to sequester the stink
the best you can.
Disposal: The bathroom trash can is acceptable.

PARK OR BEACH
Excuse: No excuse needed unless you are in an in-depth
superficial conversation with a guy who you see all the time at the
park. Then you say, "Dude, gotta go change a diaper. You know how it
is." He will know how it is.
Location: If there is a pavilion or bathrooms, you should change
the diaper there. If there isn't you should find a more private place
in the park and change them outside.
Disposal: Any trash can in the park or beach is acceptable. Do
not, no matter how tempting it is, bury the diaper in the sand or chuck
it into the ocean. On that same subject, if the beach trash can is
overflowed and there is any chance the soiled diaper can get in the
water, wrap it up and throw it out somewhere else.

AIRPLANE
Excuse: Very rarely will there be an instance where you need to
change a diaper before the seatbelt sign is turned off. If you reach
that situation, you should call the flight attendant. I guarantee that
any person you have to ask to get up so that you can change your kid's
stinky diaper will happily oblige.
Location: Some airline bathrooms have changing tables. If the
bathroom is not equipped with one, I recommend changing the kid in an
empty seat or on the floor in the bathroom vestibule.
Disposal: I recommend wrapping the diaper in plastic, then
putting it into the trash can. Airplane bathrooms are tight quarters.
Exposing a stink bomb can ruin the flight for all the passengers.

The thing to remember most of all is no one cares about your kid's
movements except you. Take care of business, then get back to your
guests. Good luck noodads.