Fire in the Hole! Diaper Rash

Diaper rash is a pain in the ass figuratively and literally. By definition on WebMD, diaper rash is "an inflammation of the skin on the buttocks, genitals, and thighs." Although it can be caused by an allergic reaction to soaps and lotions that you rub on their body or clothes detergent, it is normally caused because you got lazy.

The most common causes of diaper rash is due to long periods of poodad and peedad on the skin, or not drying off your baby well enough after a bath. I know the drill, man. You"re up in the middle of the night changing a poodad and instead of going through the extra step of applying Vaseline, you just put the new dry diaper on. I"ve done it too. I always figure, if my wife does every other diaper then the odds are good my kid"s "down-there" regions will be taken care of.

Or maybe you are playing with them and you smell that the package was delivered but you think in your head, "I will wait to change him because maybe he has some more coming…I better wait a few more minutes. Then of course the minutes turn into a half hour. I"ve done that as well.The real issue is that your laziness and my laziness put our kids in very uncomfortable positions and because of it, they will return the favor to us. They will scream bloody murder when you wipe their asses. They will whine when you hold them. But can you blame them? Did you ever ride a mechanical bull naked and then afterwards strap a dry piece of plastic tight against your groinal area? Let"s hope not. And I haven"t either…at least recently…but you get the idea. Your baby will be in a tremendous amount of pain. And the next time your wife changes the diaper she will be faced with a red, irritated massacre in your kid"s privates and the first person she will blame is not Mr. Detergent. It will be your sorry ass.

In most cases, you are the master of your own destiny. If you just take the extra step of applying the lotion or vaseline during every diaper change you will be rockin the suburbs. But if you decide to go lazy (and again, I"m guilty of this) you could pay the price.

So wipe well, change often, and lather up the area with product. And if it"s a boy, don"t forget the frank and beans. Good luck men.

Register to view and post comments. It"s fast, free, and you would be a fool not to.