From “Man-to-Man” to “Zone”

My son was born last friday. He became my third kid and believe me when I tell you, having another kid rocks your world, having a third kid will downright destroy you.

About 7 months ago, just around the time when I started telling people about the pregnancy, I was flying home on a business trip from Austin to Boston and I started talking to a guy sitting next to me. I typically ignore people who sit next to me, but for some reason I felt a connection with this guy. During our conversation, he told me that he had three kids to which I revealed my news. I asked him what I needed to know about having a third kid and he pulled out this little nugget:

"Let me tell you in terms that only a guy would understand" he said, "the main difference is with 3 kids, you need to go from man-to-man defense to zone."

I had forgotten about this statement until yesterday when my 4 year old and my 2 year old ganged up on me and virtually ruined me with their mealtime demands. With no aid from my pregnant wife (tied up with our newborn) I got pwned by my 2 eldest.

This got me thinking. What other sports references can be applied to parenting multiple kids? Here is my list, starting with the words from the wise man on the Austin to Boston flight:

{mosnooad}From "Man-to-Man" to "Zone"
The state of affairs when the kids outnumber the parents. Typically in non-bigamist family units, this occurs at child #3 forcing the adults to zone off the house rather than do battle mano y mano.

First Down
What you say to your wife after you put the first kid to bed.

Hurry Up Offense
The term given to your increased performance speed in changing a major disaster of a diaper. You have no time to run the clock out, you need to go to a hurry up offense or you will lose in a major way.

Intentional Grounding
When you ground them. And you meant to do it.

Pooch Kick
When your wife gets kicked in the crotch.

Stiff Arm
What you get after carrying your kid in an infant carrier for a long period of time.

Two Minute Warning
What you give your kids before bedtime.

Dribble
What you will be wiping up when your kid starts to eat solids.

Swing Man
You, at the playground. Other roles include: slide man, seesaw man, and jungle gym man.

Tip-Off
When one of your kid rats out the other one. And you appreciate the information.

Have any other examples of sports terms that apply to parenting?