Get Rid of Football Hating Kids Once and For All
Posted on 08 09, 2006 under Mantivities, The Manual by Noodad |
Football season is coming and I haven’t been this excited since…well…last football season. If you are like me, the NFL is your Jim Jones and the start of the season every fall is like the smell of new Kool Aid being mixed.
But when you work every weekday and you normally savor the weekend hours for time with the kids, you are faced with a tough dilemma: balancing kid time with football time. What do you do? You corrupt your
kids of course. After all, if they crave the game as much as you do, you are golden. Here are a few different approaches to obsessing your kids with this great game at an early age.
THE MADDEN BRAINWASH
Love him or hate him, John Madden is to football like Peter Gammons is to baseball. Hear John Madden’s voice and you are instantly transported to the feeling of a monday night game or your heroic 2 minute drill to beat your buddy in Madden 2006. Heck, when I see Tinactin commercials, I get all tingly (and that’s not the itch between my toes). If you expose your kids to his voice at an early age, they will salivate at the sound of him in a way that would make Pavlov smile. And if you are really lucky, you will hear your kid tell you to “take your big ol bear claw and whap it down.”
FACEPAINT
Kids
love to get their face painted. Go to any town carnival for proof of it. Even when the artists suck and the “butterfly” on your daughter’s cheek looks like a winged turd, she will wear it with pride. Now imagine if she got to sport the team colors on her face to school. I can’t wait to paint my daughter’s face with Patriot Silver, Red, White, And Blue and see the look on her classmates’ faces.
FOOD PRIVILEGES
My kids are not allowed to eat in our family room (Where we keep the main football watching tv) Any time we have made a special exception has practically rocked my kids’ worlds. Teach your kids the art of chip
eating and buffalo wing finger licking all while sitting on the couch. They might sit there for 3 games in a row just to lick their dirty buffalo fingers.
SURROUND SOUND
You make a fool of yourself in front of your buddies and sometimes in front of complete strangers at the game, why not your kids. When your team scores a TD, go crazy. Whoop. Holler. Do the spanking horse gallop. Go crazy. Then explain to your kids that you can only do that when your team scores a TD. Your kids will stay glued to the screen waiting for the next opportunity to join in on the mayhem. They might learn the game in the process too.
NOTE: May not work for you Jets fans. You may have to jump up and
down whenever the opposing team scores. (Sorry. low blow from a
Patriots fan)
GET OUT AND PLAY
None of this will work, unless you go out and play this great game afterwards. You never know, you may have the next Montana living in your house. Besides, you need to work off the wings.
Good luck Noodads.
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I do the special food thing for key Red Sox games: season opener, home opener, any day games that fall in the middle of the week, and, of course, all Yankees games. Hot dogs, peanuts, and Cracker Jack.
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