Good Cop, Bad Cop: Who Should Be Who?

You see it all the time on tv shows like Law & Order or movies like Turner and Hooch. When order needs to be restored or when answers need to be extracted, one of the most effective ways of achieving cooperation is to beat the subject into submission. And the first step in breaking down stubborn barriers is to play with the suspects' minds a bit. This can be pulled off by playing the ol' Good Cop/Bad Cop maneuver.

Good Cop/Bad Cop is the name for when one person yells, threatens, and berates a subject, and then their teammate plays nice and tries to appear compassionate. Eventually, the suspect will give in to one of the approaches (each appearing extreme in contrast with one another) and the task is completed.

Good Cop/Bad Cop makes for some very interesting drama. And no doubt.in some cases, it work in law enforcement. Well, noodads, it also works in parenting and disciplining your kids.

Frequently, the time will come when your kid does something…I dunno, makes  herself throw up because she doesn't want to eat her vegetables (true story) and action needs to be taken. That action needs to be done swiftly and sternly. But if you pull out the Good Cop/Bad Cop move, who should be who? You or your wife?

{mosnooad}It is not in your best interest to assign permanent roles for you and your wife. In this scenario, one of you will always be the bad cop and that will not be fair. The fear that the bad cop will lose favor over time by your kids is a real one. Don't fall into the trap.

A discussion should be had (preferably before the Terrible Twos Stage) about how to deal with self-regurgitating toddlers and other acts of insubordination.

When it comes to our kids, my wife and I have learned to go with the flow. In some situations, I will jump up and immediately shift into Bad Cop role and, sensing this, my wife will then follow up with the good cop role. We stay in these roles until a time out is served, a mess is cleaned up, an apology is made, etc. So what happens after that? Let Noodad be your guide.

First Offense:
It's a toss up. You or your wife should assume a role and the other should go along with the other role. If you pull the Good Cop card then you are Good Cop until the incident is resolved to you and your partner's satisfaction.

Second Offense (Same Incident):
This is when your kid, after gaining back favor for the first offense, goes back and does the same thing again soon thereafter. Resume previously determined GC/BC roles.

Second Offense (Different Incident):
This is when your kid, after gaining favor for the first offense, goes and does something different, but equally offensive. It's a toss up: feel free to change roles.

Second Offense (Same Incident within 3 days):
This is when your kid, after gaining back favor for the first offense, goes back and does the same thing again within 3 days of the first offense. Resume previously determined GC/BC roles of first offense and use words like, "Sweetie, like I told you yesterday, this is unacceptable!"

Second Offense (Same Incident after 3 days):
This is when your kid, after gaining back favor for the first offense, goes back and does the same thing again after 3 days of the first offense. It's a toss up: feel free to change roles.

Isn't role playing fun? The most important thing to remember, noodads, is stay consistent within the incident. If you initially come down hard on the poor kid and then change your tune with hugs and kisses before the incident is resolved, they will walk all over your inconsistent pansy ass for the rest of your life.

Once the incident is resolved, you should make sure they understand it is their actions not them as your kid that makes you mad. This is especially true when you pack your angry eyes for that particular incident.

Good luck noodads.