How I Scam Almost Every Piece of Halloween Candy from My Kids

Halloween is over and your kids are loading up on candy. But the last thing you want is for your kid to eat all of it. This is some serious dental work at stake, not to mention the prolonged hyperactivity that typically accompanies serious candy eating the week following October 31st. There is a very simple way to deplete their booty and that is called: stealing.

But for those who don’t like the idea of robbing your kids (and those people clearly see parenting through rose-colored glasses) there are other ways to limit their stash. Make it about their health.

My kids are crafty little devils. Not literally: they were actually crafty Elina from Fairytopia, Buzz Lightyear, and Yoda. But the oldest two are old enough to know candy rules and it is not a good thing to let mom and dad take it away. This helps us in negotiating techniques for a good couple of weeks: “Finish your broccoli and you can have a piece of Halloween candy.” But if you don’t downsize the bucket early on, it will take a long, long time to get rid of it.

My kids won’t just hand over their candy willingly. You need to have a legit reason to be taking away their bite-sized nuggets of happiness. That is why I have designed an excuse for why I need to take away basically any type of candy. By offering a fairly credible rationale to why I need to remove candy from their buckets, I get very little resistance. Personally, I am lucky because my kids have food allergies so there really is a good reason for doing it. But you can apply the same techniques to your kids, allergies or not.

{mosnooad}Take the ultimate candy, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, for instance. I am fortunate enough that my kids have nut allergies. So that means Reese’s Cups, Reese’s Sticks, Snickers, Almond Joys, and PayDays.

The nut allergy issue is an easy one to start off with. It’s like when you play Guess Who? Ask if the person is a boy or a girl first then you eliminate half the field. By my estimates of my kid’s candy, the nut issue takes out a good 20% of the stash.

Now, if your kids know the pain that is associated with the dentist, you can use that to your advantage. Eliminate all of the sticky candies. That means, Laffy Taffys, Starbursts, Charleston Chews, Sugar Daddy’s, Tootsie Rolls, Sugar Babies, Jolly Ranchers, Gummi Lifesavers, Gummi Bears, and anything else gummy. Down goes another 40%.

I know what you are probably saying: “This guys is so mean stealing his kids candy.” Before you get all high and mighty about stealing from your kids, remember that if you start early on in their life with this technique, they will A) not know the difference, and B) Not be 125 pounds in 3rd grade.

Now you are left with a bunch of innocent candies that you can feel good about and your kids will still love. I’m talking some badass candy like Nerds, Twizzlers, M&M’s, Kit Kats, and Skittles. That’s right, despite the pillaging of my kids’ candy stash, they can still taste the rainbow.

So what do you do? Do you let your kids eat all their candy? Or do you take similar measures?