Infant Neck Cheese: Avoiding the Dry Heave

Here's the scenario: you're chilling on the couch with your baby kid. You decide to truly soak in the moment. You close your eyes. You contemplate how amazing it is to hold your own flesh and blood and then it hits you. The most vile odor to ever move through your nasal passages. The smell is more than the most heinous fart you have encountered in your life. It's more ruthless than the rotted dead squirrel you found inside your wall.

It's called neck cheese and when it comes to big deals it carries the letter "f'n" between "Big" and "Deal". It's a big deal because you look at images of picture perfect Gerber babies and you think, these little stinkbombs are all rose petals and perfume all the time. Sure, you realize you will have to do a tour of dootie every day but nothing ever prepared you for nasal death like Neck Cheese.

According to Everything2.com , Neck Cheese is defined as: The accumulation of breast milk, formula, perspiration, shed skin cells, spit up, and saliva that gets caught in the neck creases of an infant, and creates a powerful odor. May precede or accompany intertrigo or a yeast infection.

So how do you defeat neck cheese? The key is air. Without airing out the underside of the neck flaps, nasty things get caught, fester, and create vile stenches. It's really important to dry out under the neck and to try and keep it dry. Should a rash develop or a full blown yeast infection occur, take them to the pediatrician. Be advised noodads, the doctor may tell you to rub Vagisil under the neck. It ain't just for vaginas.

Good luck noodads.