Kids Birthday Party Etiquette: Who Gets To Go?

Unless you and your kids are incredibly annoying or complete losers, birthday parties will be a fact of life for a good amount of weekends throughout their childhood. Some say you should expect 6 birthday parties per kid per year.

Depending on where you fall on the involvement spectrum, you may find kid birthday parties to be fun or aggravating. In terms of enjoyment, I can't help you there. But what i can do is help you sort through a key issue that comes up with every type of party: the etiquette around who to invite and who can come to kid's birthday parties.

Lucky for you, I have planned (with my wife of course), invited, and attended 6 of my own kid's birthday parties and by my best estimation have attended about 30 of their friend's parties. let's just say I have eaten my share of Thomas the Train and Elmo frosted cakes in my lifetime. Here are a few tips to help you through this mess:

Who to Invite?
The invitation list is the part of the process where you and your wife are most vulnerable to hurt feelings and psycho behavior. Obviously, it is your kid, so you have every right to plan a small family-only birthday party. or you could even add a few close friends to the list. But should you decide to do a bigger affair there are a few things to remember: If your kid is involved in some sort of class or activity where there are a bunch of kids who are of the same age, you need to consider inviting the entire class. For my daughter's 4th birthday party, she had just started a new preschool and we decided to invite the entire class. It was a good way to meet all the parents and for her to get to know her new classmates.

Another item to worry about is when the classmates or close friends have younger or older siblings. If the relationship extends into the entire family, and the siblings are of the age that is still appropriate for the activity, siblings should be invited.

{mosnooad}The Invitation.
When making the invitations, you should treat it like you would a wedding invitation. If only one kid in a family is invited to the party you need to address the invitations to that kid and that kid only. If the entire family is invited you should put the entire family on the envelope and followup with a note inside saying everyone is invited. That way there is no question.

Sometimes the venue will dictate how many kids you can invite. Or there might be a minimum age or height requirement. In this case, you should make a special effort in letting people know why their younger kids aren't invited too. NOTE: This applies to all instances except where newborns are involved. Newborns should be a given to be invited if the parent desires. You should consider them as an extension of the parent not their own person.

Who Can Attend?
Gone are the days when the only pass you needed was a case of beer. So do you or your wife get to go? Or is it you or your wife that has to go? Especially with parties that occur at people's houses, it is important to stick to this standard:

If one kid is invited and that is your only child: Either or both should attend
If one kid is invited and you have other kids: Either you or your wife should attend
If two or more kids are invited: Either or both should attend

Who Signs the Card?
There are two types of cards to worry about here: the card that accompanies the gift and the thank you card if your kid is the recipient.

For gift cards, the kid or kids invited should sign the card. Depending on the size of the party you may want to add the last name initial just in case there are multiple kids with the same first name.

For thank you cards, you have two options: sign it as the parent thanking the kid. Or, the option popular with women, write it as if the kid wrote it themselves. I don't know why women love thank you notes so much. In my opinion, the cake, activity, and goody bag that is provided to the attendee is a fair trade for the gift your kid received. We should all be square at that point, no need for any other correspondence. I mean, what's next? A thank you card for the thank you card you sent me?

Regardless, women dig them, and no matter who writes it or in what person it is written, it should be signed by the birthday kid. Even if your kid can't spell their name yet, it is pretty cool to have them take a marker, paint, or other marking instrument and leave their mark.

Who knew birthday parties could have so many logistics? Good luck noodads.