Knowing the Poodad Face

WARNING: This one is a little graphic, but mostly informative.

A couple of nights ago, my baby son and toddler daughter were taking a bath together. I was paying particular attention to her because she wanted to play a game with her soft plastic sharks. She picks them up, I do the voice of the shark "noooo don"t pick me…" and she wings it across the room "aaaaahhhh.. unngh oOOoooOoooh". That was when it happened.

I looked over at the little guy who had been contently playing with his stacking cups and saw it. He let out a little grunt, concentrated and stuck out his tongue a little. I grabbed for him and shouted "FIRE IN THE HOLE!". As I picked him up, he gave me a surpised look and immediately launched a bomb into Foo Harbor. My daugher, still in the tub, sat quietly, stunned for the first time in her life. Just then reinforcements (aka my lovely wife) entered the scene and the little guy release bomb number two, on the floor this time. I shouted "Get the girl! Get her out of there! GO GO GO!"

My wife grabbed my daughter and put her aside. She sat more quietly than I have ever seen her. She actually looked ready to assist in the situation if called upon. Meanwhile, I"m holding the little guy over the bath mat, while he bawls up a storm. My wife moves to clean up the second attack. "Don"t worry about that! Get him a towel!" I shout, the little guy wailing now more than ever. She throws me a wipe and grabs his towel. I start to clean him up and put the towel on him and then pick him up and put him in the Foopache helicopter to take him into the bedroom and dry him off.

Had I been paying a little more attention, I would have seen the boy"s poodad mug and moved him out of the tub. I"m not really sure if I would have hovered him over the toilet or just let it drop on the floor. Any place is better than IN the tub.

Here are some tips for preventing this situation from happening on your battlefield.

Know the face: We have a determined grunter and formerly had a sheepish hider.

Bubbles are a warning sign: When I see tiny bubbles accompanied by bad Tuba playing, I spring forth Plan A.: If you see the face, know what you"re going to do before you do it. Think about how it would be easier it will be to clean up the sink or tile than the tub. If you can, I think that hovering over the toilet is optimal, just be sure not to drop the wet baby in! That would be worse than cleaning the tub and those little buggers sure can be slippery.

Quarantine and Sterilize the Area: If the plan fails and you get a floater, get the baby(s) out ASAP. Take care of the baby first, then return to the situation. All objects in the tub must be sterilzed. Then you need to clean out the tub, but don"t forget to wash away any chemicals you use before the next bath.

Wow. That story was gross, but hey, shit happens when you have little ones. Good luck noodads!