Packing A Good Diaper Bag

This article was originally published in March 2006. If you haven't read it, it's new to you!

Are you a survivalist? A road warrior? How about a extreme
adventurer? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably
have prepared for extreme conditions and unexpected obstacles. Yeah,
you don't need this article. But for the rest of you, listen up!
Packing a diaper bag is an important step to any successful trip
outside the house. Should you improperly pack, you could enter into a
world of hurt or a world of poodad, and you won't have anyone to blame
but yourself.

Here are a few tips I have learned from mistakes and triumphs through the years.

THE RIGHT DIAPER BAG
My wife and I have had 5 different
diaper bags. Each have rocked in some ways and have sucked in others.
For example, the first diaper bag was pretty much a backpack format and
it was impossible to get to the stuff on the bottom without taking the
stuff on top out of the bag but the backpack style shoulder straps felt
like warm masseuse hands on my back. The diaper bag we currently have
(#5) is perfect in every way except the fact that we can't adjust the
shoulder strap so I can't carry it with the strap across my chest. I am
convinced that each diaper bag is specially designed to piss you off.
But it must be purchased and when that time comes, definitely consider
a diaper bag that has many different compartments. It will help if
these compartments separate the items and allow for easy accessibility.
Also look for a bag that has an adjustable strap. The odds are you and
your wife are different sizes and a universal strap length will leave
one of you with uncomfortable shoulders.

THE GOLDEN FIVE
Each properly packed diaper bag, at the bare minimum, must have the
following 5 components: Food, diapers, wipes, diversions, and backup
clothes. Failure to include 1 or more of these components will no
doubt, trigger a catastrophe of biblical proportions and the only thing
that will save you from an outfit full of poodad will be the one thing
you forgot to pack. I have seen it happen, my friends. Don't tempt lady
luck. Sometimes she's a cold-hearted bitch.

•
Food/Snacks-Pack jars of food and a sippy cup for hydration purposes.
Don't forget the utensils. Your kid, in public places, will forget all
that they know and become the pickiest, most irritable eater you have
ever experienced. Bring variety. And in abundance.
• Diapers-Think
of the worst diaper day in the history of your kid, divide by the time
you expect to be out and bring that many.
For instance: Worst diaper day for my kid=11 Divided by being gone for half the day= 6 diapers (Always round up)
• Wipes-How do you know how many wipes to pack? Here's a clue: if you
have to squeeze the lid shut so hard that you milk the wipes of their
aloe-laden juices, then you have packed just enough. Remember, when out
in the world, you need to wipe down every surface; not just your kid's
behind.
• Diversions-Depending on the destination, pack accordingly.
For example: If you are going to the city and will be strollerizing the
kid for the majority of the time, pack diversions that can link to the
stroller strap. If you are going to a funeral, don't pack the super
loud Elmo flip phone with you.
• Backup Clothes-Pack a full extra
set of clothes for your kid., This must include an extra onesie and
socks too. If you forget this item, you may be forced to wrap your kid
in the emergency fire blanket from the trunk of your car because they
pooped through every layer on their body.

PLANNING & CONSISTENCY
You must think about the method to your packing. For instance, do not
pack the sippy cup next to the extra change of clothes. Each item must
be accessible quickly and conveniently. Stick to a system so that if
needed, you are able to grab things in the bag without looking into it.
(Very helpful while driving)

PLASTIC
Plastic is
your friend. Bring extra plastic bags to put dirty diapers in when
there is no proper place to discard them. You can actually get bags
that emit a pleasant masking aroma at stores like Babies R Us. Bring
bags to wrap dirty utensils in. Or to keep food from getting wet. Or to
line the dirty toilet seat. There are hundreds of reasons for why you
should bring plenty of plastic bags. There is not one single reason why
not. And don't start saying the poor little seagulls will get their
beaks in the bags and suffocate. Think of the poor little humans that
will suffocate under the brown stink cloud from your kid's diaper,
should you choose to not wrap them up.

Good luck Noodads.

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