Poker on a Work Night At Your Place

If you’re like me, your weekends are populated with a combination of exhausting family activities and recovering from said activities. It can be pretty tough to get a guys night in because your noodad buddies are in the same boat and your single buddies probably go out much later than you can handle. You’re probably thinking that having a guys night at home is a cool idea in theory, but that you’ll need Star Trek beaming technology to send the family to Abhu Dhabi for the evening.

Not so, as long as you don’t live in a studio apartment or cardboard shanty, you can have a guys night AND your wife can have a night out by herself or with her friends, but you may need some remedial noodad.com courses before you can do it.

100 Level

Getting through the evening.
This course will help you figure out the time between getting home and bed. We call it family crazy hour.

200 Level -
Getting them fed

300 Level – Getting them ready for bed.
Knowing the Poodad Face

Drinking Water in the Tub

Getting them diapered

400 Mastery Level
More on routines.

Once you have mastered these concepts, you’re ready to have a poker night at your house on a work night.

The key is to have some things thought out in advance. Make a list of who is in your crew. I keep a spreadsheet (yes I am, but you should’ve know that already. The foo implies the nerdiness). Give your crew two weeks advanced notice so they can bribe their wives. Expect some to drop out at the last minute. This really tweaks my melon because I view saying “I’m in” as a legal and binding contract. You need to revise your expectations. If kids get sick or wives get really cranky then give your pal a pass. If not, “B list” them for next time. {mosnooad}

The Game
Know the exact number of chips each player will get and make sure you have enough so that you can color in the small ones (change them into bigger ones) when you get down to a few players. It’s really annoying when one guy has a Gringot’s like stack of 5 dollar chips.

Where to play: I suggest at least buying a poker felt to put over your dining room table. If you have a real poker table, more power to you. I do not recommend the ones with the built-in chip and cup holders. Those chip holders will slow play down. Know your limits. Don’t invite more people than you can seat comfortably no more than 10, 6-8 is ideal. If you have 12, you’ll need to play 2 tables and then combine them when you get down to an agreed number of players. Remember: People WILL drop out. Just be sure to make it clear that if they need to drop out, they should give you a day or 2 notice so that you can replace them.

Setting Up the Game

Don’t communicate through work email. Most companies frown on poker games, NCAA March Madness tournaments and Fantasy Sports. This is what yahoo accounts are for. Do not get fired over poker. Make it clear that it is a secret event and that it is not to be discussed at work. The first rule of Poker Club is you do not talk about Poker Club. The second rule of Poker Club is that you DO NOT TALK ABOUT POKER CLUB!

Have a couple of decks of cards or invest in some plastic cards, like Copags. Cards wear out fast and they start to stick together after a while, especially when people get Lime Tostitos on them. These and nacho cheese Doritos are the most popular snacks with my crew. We call them “the crack” because no one seems to be able to only eat one. They just keep on going which brings me to snacks.

Have snacks and beer on hand (duh). If people ask if they can bring something, ask them to bring beer. Anything leftover you can store for next time or enjoy on your time. I’m not your momma. Recommended snacks include: chicken wings, pizza rolls or pizza, chips and salsa. You don’t need to go overboard and after the first time, your friends will probably start bringing some of these items. Just make sure that if they bring things that little ones cannot have, like peanuts, that you get up early the next morning and run the vacuum. You do not want your kids getting sick.

I recommend starting around 8:00PM. This gives you enough time to get your kids ready for bed. The little ones can be asleep before your crew arrives. I tell my three year old: “I am having a playdate tonight. You can say hello to my friends, and then it’s bedtime.” This is enough to satisfy her curiosity about who is in our house and she usually goes to bed without any trouble. While the cards rarely start flowing before 8:30, it gives you time to socialize, have a beer and catch up.

Keeping the game moving

Rules: The easiest is to play no-limit, Texas Holdem, tournament style. It’s easy to learn and keeps the game consistent. Changing the game every hand is for people with time on their hands. You’re trying to get a game in before 12!

Make sure that at least one of the people at your table knows the rules and make them the Rules Czar. Defer all rule challenges to the Rules Czar. Their word is final. Consider having one person deal all the time. If one person is particularly good at dealing and also knows the rules, this will keep the game flowing. At my house, I’m the dealer, but also a player. I point out where the action is, make sure that people know when to play their blinds and when to bet. I also remind them of their options and ask them if they really want to fold when they can check.

Play Turbo Blinds. This will make the game relatively fast, remember that most of you still have to work on Friday. We used to raise the blinds every 10 hands, but recently found out that it is a lot easier to do it every 20 minutes. We use the microwave as a timer.

We use start with 5-15 blinds then move to 15-30, 25-50, 50-100, 100-200, 200-400 etc. How’s that for turbo? This keeps the game moving and we’ve never had a game go much farther than midnight. Keep the stakes low. I’m not advocating illegal gambling in your house, but if you do decide to play for money (we play for ears of corn), keep it friendly and pay more than one place. Winner take all is fun, but when more people win, more people feel like they have a chance to win. This will also keep people from getting grouchy.

What about her?

Send your wife out. This is not because you don’t want her around, it’s because it’s a great opportunity for her to get some time to herself. She’ll thank you for it and you’ll score points.

Never leave the house a mess. You need to be prepared to do some cleanup. You friends will help you because they will want to play again. Make the place spotless before you go to bed.

Have fun noodads! If you have questions, I have answers.