Sometimes Your Kids Come Second

My work hours have been insane lately. I haven't sat down to
dinner with my family in days and I have missed bedtime kisses for
weeks. Depending on your job and your work hours, you may be in a
similar situation. It's the realization that sometimes your kids come
will have to come second.

Sometimes, you need to prioritize
your work over your family. And even though it may be a situation you
cannot avoid, it will suck. The key is, how do you best utilize the
time that you can spend with your kids while maintaining a favorable
work reputation from your managers and peers?

I work in advertising and although I enjoy it very much
and I am good at what I do, the harsh reality is it is an industry that
favors the bachelor lifestyle. The advertising industry tends to
promote work hours that start late mornings and end after dinner. Its a
business that creates work weeks that extend into weekends and
overnights demolishing dinners and vacations with reckless abandon. Of
course, any good father would make sure they are present at all the
school graduations and choral concerts. All the recitals and soccer
games. But sometimes, you need to represent in the workplace and that
means your kids get the shaft.

Before I go
any further, I want to get something off my chest that is sort of
relevant. There are many cases where fathers (maybe you), fill their
afterwork schedule with time at the bar, sports teams, poker nights,
and other activities. If you are missing out on precious time with your
kids because you want a social life, rather than because you need to
perform at work, than you should reassess your priorities and go sit in
a corner with a dunce cap on. Those activities are good every once in a
while but those who fill out every night of the week with activities,
are, in essence, deadbeat dads. You should be ashamed of yourself.

So back to the topic: what can you do? Should you quit your job? Maybe,
ideal, but frequently impractical. Sure, I could quit my job in favor
of a "nine to fiver" but I would not feel fulfilled in my work.
Personal fulfillment is an important aspect of becoming an adult your
kids can look up to. Supporting your family is equally important. I
don't feel it is the least bit selfish to strive for both. You also
need to balance that work fulfillment with the ability to set an impact
in your kids lives. That comes many times by simply being there.

Here are a few things you can do to get you through the busy times at work and stay connected with your kids.

• Take 5 and Call —
Got a few minutes between meetings? Give your kid a call on the phone
and ask them how their day is going. Even if they are too young to talk
back, hearing your voice will trigger a favorable response.

• Leave Notes
— Have to leave before your kids wake up? Leave notes just saying hi
for them at the breakfast table. Or, hide a special note in their lunch
bag. Just telling them you love them in a special unexpected way, is
great even if you were there.

• Kiss Them Goodnight — I
have found that even if my kids are asleep when I get home from work, a
kiss goodnight to my sleeping kid helps them and me. Sometimes they
will wake up and you may get to steal a minute or two.

• Avoid Spoiling —
It is very easy to be tempted to buy presents for your kids. I am
guilty of this. Show caution when buying gifts: fine in moderation, but
the present should be the time you spend with them when you return.

• Don't Forget Mom
— Frequently, the mom is the one taking the heat when you are gone.
Make sure you recognize the sacrifice they are making. Maybe they have
been busy at work only to have to fly solo at night. Or maybe they are
stay-at-home and have been pulling triple shifts all week. Either way,
they are making sacrifices just like you are. Recognize that.

Noodads: this, like many other topics discuss on this site, has no
right answer. You need to do what works best for you and your family.
Good luck.