The 3 Main Sources of Crappy Toys and How to Get Rid of Them

Let’s face it, your kids have way too many things to play with. If you are like my family, besides the standard toys that play with from birthday gifts, etc, they have a whole sea of useless crappy toys.

If toys are like drugs, your kids grandparents are most likely the biggest dealers. But at least grandma and grandpa give the good quality stuff. Dealing with toy overflow from grandparents is an entirely different topic and one that warrants its own article.

Today, we are going to concentrate n the other stuff. To continue the metaphor, the toys you need to watch out for are from outside suppliers. They have lots of appeal but their poor quality only gives your kid a quick fix. I’m talking about the big 3: fast food places, birthday parties, and carnivals.

The toys that kids get at these 3 places are the worst. They are cheap, have lots of emotional appeal, and tend to hang around the house longer than they should. And who can blame kids? They are already in a euphoric state from their french fries and then they still get a plastic cartoon character? That is something they will hold on the rest of their lives!

Or in the case of birthday parties: “you mean to tell me I go to a fun party, give a gift to the birthday kid and then they give me a bag filled with cheap toys that are all Thomas the train themed? Cool!”

And don;t forget the carnival toys. “I threw a ring onto that bottle! That ambiguous stuffed animal that has fur that feels like fuzzy styrofoam is mine. I’m going to love it forever!”

Never fear, noodads, there is a solution. This is a process that is so elegant in its simplicity, yet took years of tweaking by me. I call it the “Holding Station Ladder System” (Patent pending).

Ever hear the phrase, “Out of sight, out of mind”? Well, as a dad you must know that for the most part your kids fall into that category with toys. The Holding Station is a simple process that involves waiting for your kids to go to sleep, and you slowly sorting and moving clusters of useless toys down the ladder system. The final stage in the ladder system being the trash can.

The number of stages really depends on how perceptive your kid is. The key is to slowly move things away from their frequently played areas of the house until they stop thinking about them and then you can dispose without ramification.

For instance: Lets say that you have a bunch of Happy Meal toys that just need to go the way of the dinosaur. Resist the urge of just throwing them away right away! If your kid starts throwing a fit and its on its way to the dump, you will regret it. Hey, it’s not worth getting into an argument with your kid over a useless toy. And you already feel guilty for being lazy and feeding your kid a hamburger and fries for dinner. Don’t make it worse by having them beg to go back to get another one of those damn toys.

So take the toys and move them out of the normal playspace into a basket or bag in another room. Make sure this has an open top. This is your holding station. If your kid asks for it within 24 hours, take it out and put it back into the general toy population. If they don’t ask about it, move it to a closed container and wait it out for another 24 hours. Still no inquiry, throw that puppy in the trash.

See how simple it is? You don’t need to rush through the process. But you do need to continue down the ladder. It’s amazing but it feels so good to even move it to the first holding station. Imagine what happens when that finally hits the bottom of the circular file.

Anyone else have ideas on throwing away crappy toys?