The Complete Science of Scrubbing Behind the Ears

Posted on 11 06, 2008 under The Manual by Noodad | Comments

513923_earYour babies and toddlers are only as clean as you make them. This isn't because they do not like to be clean. It is because they simply do not possess the skills to clean themselves. For example, if your kid is like my son, he could eat a popsicle, have the sticky syrup drip down his arms, then go coat his arm in the sandbox like a Shake N Bake pork chop.

If my wife and I chose to ignore him in all his breaded-glory, he would not think anything of it. It is our duties as parents to remedy that situation with a one-way ticket to the tub. Actually, it is our duty to take a picture of him first; then take him to the tub.


So now you have the kid in the tub. One of the most overlooked parts of the body that you need to concentrate on when it comes to kid cleaning is the little thing called, "Scrubbing behind the ears."

Now "scrubbing behind the ears" is as cliché as "washing your kid's mouth out with soap." But if overlooked, it can be as lethal as the smell of a lost tuna fish sandwich.  In other words, if you forget about it, eventually you will get to the point where you won't be able to get away from it.

The area behind the ear is exposed to hair oils, dirt, and grime, and depending on how conniving your kid is: food or food-like objects. And the term for this epidemic of filth is B-TED®.* B-TED stands for Behind-The-Ear-Dirt. Sure, you remember to wash the butt, the neck, and the underarms, but for some reason the back of the ear is always given the cold treatment. And even if you do remember it, how the heck do you clean it? Here are a few pointers:

What Should I Use?
The buildup behind the ear is tougher than a superficial wipe down. You will need something moderately abrasive to scrub it off. A regular old washcloth with a dab of baby soap should suffice or a baby washcloth which is a little softer will work too. Another little device that works are those girlie plastic mesh lather ball thingies. (You women readers, please fill me in on the correct term for these things)

{mosnooad}How Much Pressure Should I Apply?
Again, a simple gloss over will not do the deed. The actual amount of pressure required depends on how long you have forgotten to wash behind the ears. If the answer to that question is between "over a week" and "never", you will need to lean towards the heavier pressure side. The pressure scale ranges from that of cleaning a ripe tomato to that of sanding off a couple of layers of paint off the windowsill. Only you know the pain tolerance and skin durability of your kid.

How Can I Maintain Leverage?
Little kids have floppy neck muscles and may not be able to withstand your Mr. Clean-like actions. You may need to use your non-dominating hand to brace the other side of the head as you start the cleansing process. This will ensure constant and even pressure. DO NOT use the shower wall or glass as leverage. If there is a line of decency, that would cross it.

What Cleaning Motion Should I Use?
Any standard Mr. Miyagi moves will work. You could paint the fence, sand the floor, and of course wax on/wax off. As long as you don't "Put'em in a body bag Johnny, Yeah!" you're cool.

What is the Exact Region We Are Talking About?
There may be some confusion as to where "behind the ear (BTE)" ends and "neck" begins. Use this handy guide to help you out:

There is hair = Not B-TED
The ear, when folded back can touch this skin = B-TED

This concludes the "The Complete Science of Scrubbing Behind the Ears". This epidemic cannot be fixed overnight. it requires daily treatment. Together, we can eradicate B-TED for our kids and for generations to come.

*B-TED is a registered trademark of Noodad.com.

 

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