The Super Power You Gain As A Dad

There are many benefits to becoming a dad. By performing basic parenting tasks, you go through a magical metamorphosis and after a few months, what once was a flabby, lazy, lump of turd, has been transformed into a super hero. Yeah, that’s right, I called you a lump of turd. But I also called you a super hero so it’s all good.

Dads possess super powers beyond basic non-dad comprehension. The key is how you harness these newfound powers and use them for good. Superman may have been faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and be able to leap taller than a building. But, Superman’s got nothing on Super Dad. The key is which super power you got.

One of my powers that was bestowed upon me, is the power to react quickly, swiftly, and effectively. Here is what it will feel like if you have this power too.

This will be demonstrated most specifically in times when cleanliness is an issue. For example, when you are sitting at the dining room table and your kid dumps a whole box of crayons on it scattering them across, you WILL catch them all. You will not know how you did it, but your arms will be moving so fast and so furiously and the next thing you know, all the crayons are nicely placed in a row on the table.

Or take this example: You are carrying a load of laundry up the stairs in a laundry basket. You can’t see over the basket and as you walk up, you step on a plastic piece of death (otherwise known as a Barbie shoe) and you stumble. The clothes start to topple from their nicely folded stacks but you catch yourself from impending head trauma, regain footing, take command of the basket with one hand, and secure the pile with the other. You truly are DA MAN.

Like most people, there are only a few incidents from my childhood that I remember vividly. One such occasion was witnessing my dad perform a miniature feat of agility. We were at the breakfast table and he opened the gallon jug of milk. The cap flew out of his hand and started rolling across the table. In an instance, he placed the milk down, reached across the table and caught the cap on the other side of the table below the table line. My dad was a stud too. It must run in the family.

You will be a machine. An animal. You will remember a time when you would loathe picking up the blackboard erasers in the Shuttle Run in grade school. Now you say, bring it on suckas. Your kid may sit there wide-eyed and jaw-dropped at your prowess. Soak it in, for they are experiencing greatness.

So what about you fellow noodads out there? Have you discovered your super power?