What’s Up Chuck?

There is perhaps nothing more disgusting than the smell of your child"s vomit. The bottom line is no matter how bad poodad can smell, you smell it normally once every day. Vomit on the other hand is a special occasion – like Grandma coming to town or Santa Claus coming down your chimney. But instead of moth balls and gingerbread you smell bile and whatever you fed your kid the night before. 

It is at the exact instance when the concrete wall of stench hits your nose that you regret cooking Spaghetti and Meatballs the night before. And for some reason it is way worse than when you cleaned up your day old vomit off the wall in your dorm room.

Kid vomit in a word, "sucks". The first time my daughter vomited was the type of experience that rocks you to the core and hijacks a bit of innocence from your soul. Think you are da man? How do you feel after you are covered with 3 jars full of Gerber Stage 3 Lasagna?In my case, it was after dinner and I was laying on my back on a brand new bright white comforter. Up and down I lifted my 6 month old daughter with her face going near and far from my own. The movie gods must have yelled Yahtzee because clearly the combination of red meal, constant motion, and brand new white comforter was too good to pass up. Sure enough, after a few minutes (enough time for me to look both ways and feel there was no danger approaching) my daughter proceeded to throw up all over herself, the comforter, and the most unfortunate of all: my face and in my mouth.

Remember the scene in Stand By Me when everyone starts throwing up because of the smell of each other"s throw up? Sort of a regurgitation mobius strip? Well my daughter did her part and it was up to me to stop the cycle. I held that in so hard that I think I may have farted to alleviate the pressure the other way.

Like it or not, vomit happens. Whether it is from bad food or a virus, it happens. So what do you do when your kid chucks? Here are a few pointers I have picked up along the way:

Protect Against The Repeat or Threepeat
This stuff smells. And the longer your kid smells it, the more likely they will gag from the smell and reach deep down and pull whatever is left down in the pits of their stomach. Quickly wipe their mouth, strip off the covered clothes, and throw them in the tub. (Note: if the onesie or shirt os affected and most times it is, try to take it off your kid down the bottom, avoiding having it pass through their face.)

First Them, Then You
Its reverse from the airplane procedure. Instead of securing your own mask, then your kid"s, in this case, take care of your kid before yourself. Scrape the bigger chunks of food off them before you put them in the tub. Also make sure you leave the drain open in this case. You don"t want them sitting in watered down vomit juice.

Diagnose and Pinpoint Cause
It is very important that you try to figure out what may have caused it. Was it bad food? Is it a virus? Were any of their friends affected? Also try to make sure there is no blood in the vomit. If so, call the doctor. When my kids vomit, my big fear is always dehydration. You should always have a bottle of Pedialite on hand for such occasions. Despite your kid"s requests and your better judgement, do not just give them a sippy cup filled with drink! There is no certainty whether they can hold it down. You should start with very small doses of water or Pedialite (a teaspoon full) and then wait 10 minutes. If they keep that down, give them another teaspoon full and wait another 10 minutes. From experience I can tell you that sometimes they act perfectly normal for 5 or 6 teaspoon fulls over a course of an hour and then they will throw up again. Be patient and take it slow

Cleanup
For some reason, my kids always puke in their bed. If this happens to you, again attack it systematically. Quarantine all stuffed animals and toys in the spray area. Remove bigger pieces and discard before throwing sheets and other linens in the washing machine Do not be surprised if you need to put the stuff through multiple wash cycles before the smell disappears. Bile can eat away pieces of meat. What do you think it"s going to do to cotton?

Let them Veg
Your kid went through a crazy experience. Limit their movement and spoil them. My daughter likes to watch movies so we normally plop her on the couch with a cozy blanket, a metal bowl, and The Little Mermaid.

Good luck guys.