When You Need A Cup of Coffee
Posted on 09 17, 2009 under The Manual by Noodad | Comments
If you are like me, you need a big ol’ cup of joe before you can do anything intelligent in the morning. I normally feel like a half-dead dad zombie until the moment the tar hits my lips. And that’s after a night when my kids sleep through! During those hellish insomnia-laden
months of infancy, I wanted to install a coffee machine right next to the changing table. Or maybe just a bag of crack. (Just kidding. “Just
say no”, kids.)
During the work week, I lumber through the morning and choose to “perk
up” on the way to work. But during the weekends, this morning ritual
includes the kids. So when my kids choose to wake up the slumbering
beast (me) early on a saturday morning, there’s nothing to do except
load them in the double stroller and walk to the local Dunkin’ Donuts.
Spare me the criticism about brainwashing my kids with a routine of
going to Dunkin or Starbucks every morning. There are much worse things
you can do to them. Like subject them to Mr. Withdrawl Von Fussypants
(me again). And my kids don’t go to Dunkin every day. I do, but that’s
not the issue. Here are some things to consider as you introduce your
kids to the local caffeine peddler:
CAFFEINE NO-NOS
“What are you crazy?’ said the TV repairwoman in the movie, Mr. Mom
after she discovered the baby ate a can of Hormel Chili. That’s what I
would tell you if you fed your kids anything with caffeine. On the
off-chance they even enjoy it, DO NOT give your kids coffee or tea.
Their little stomachs and bodies cannot handle it. Plus take the mood
swings that occur when your kid gets hooked on Benadryl and multiply
that by Venti.
{mosnooad}DRINK OPTIONS
Places like Dunkin offer bottled juices and milk but I have found if
you want a very special treat there, order a kid-sized fruit Coolatta.
If you are especially generous, have the dude behind the counter hook
you up with a little whipped cream on top. Caution: Stay away from the
coffee coolattas. They contain caffeine.
At places like Starbucks, Seattle’s Best, Peet’s, Etc, things can get a
bit more challenging. At most of these places, you will have to resort
to Hot Chocolate or $4.00 gourmet juices in glass bottles. I sometimes
bring empty sippy cups with me and ask them to fill it with milk or for
a special treat: milk with a shot of vanilla syrup. Starbucks has an
incredibly enticing Strawberries and Creme Frappaccino with Whipped
Cream that is my daughter’s absolute fave.
One thing to note is that if you tell the barista that the hot
chocolate is for a kid, they will not make it as hot. This is helpful
for toddler lips that belong to impatient toddlers.
FOOD OPTIONS
You need to eat something for the coffee to wash down right? I’m
convinced that kids can pick out a baked good a mile away. You could
take Little Timmy to a landfill and he could pull out the half-eaten
bearclaw in the middle of the pile. So of course, when you are enjoying
that French Cruller or that blueberry scone, your kids will be saying,
“Me, me, me” or “Uh, uh, uh” (depending on their speech ability).
At Dunkin you can pretty much feed them anything. But at some of the
other places, be careful of pastry that contain hidden nuts. Those
things that look like Hagar the Horrible’s Spiked Bat may contain
almonds or walnuts. And other pastry items may be too dry for their
mouths, too unwieldy for them to hold, or too messy for your liking.
Stick to the basic items like the generic bagel they serve at
Starbucks. Or the gingerbread cookie at Peet’s. If you can’t describe
it to the girl behind the counter without pointing to it, it’s probably
too exotic for your kids own good.
SPECIAL ADD-ONS
One of the advantages of Starbucks, is the cinnamon and nutmeg shakers
to sprinkle onto your coffee. I have been able to turn ordinary milk
from my refrigerator into the second coming of Mr. Pibb in the eyes of
my kids by letting them shake some cinnamon into it. Plus, it’s free.
Sidenote: For the record, Dr. Pepper is good but Mr. Pibb is far
superior. But all discussions on carbonated beverage superiority ends
at Vernor’s Barrel Aged. If you have had it, you know I speak the
truth. If you haven’t, you haven’t truly lived.
The point is, coffee shops lack the kid’s meal toy to bribe attention
with so you need to make ordinary things special. I maintained a 20
minute discussion with my daughter over the extra wide straws at
Starbucks and whether it requires special mouths to sip from them. She
concluded that it didn’t because she can sip from it and she has a
small mouth. (smart kid right?)
With the right preparation, you can enjoy your cup of joe with your
kids in tow. Next thing you know, they will be begging to come along.
Good luck noodads.
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