When Your Kid Kicks You in the Nuts
Posted on 04 19, 2006 under The Manual by Noodad |
I enjoyed roughhousing with my kids. Notice I wrote, "enjoyed". I used to enjoy the practice of my kids running into me, driving me into the ground, and climbing all over me. Occasionally they would sit on my head with a poodad diaper but most of the time it was all good. That is…until the incident; the time my kid kicked me in the nuts.
First off, I will not reveal which kid did it, but my son just learned to walk and my daughter can stand on one leg and hop up and down so you decide who has the means and the leg strength.
The following is a transcription of the crime as those involved recollect it:
Me: Daddy is coming to get you. I"m the Tickle Monster!
Assailant: No, Daddy, I"m gonna git you!
Me: Roar! The Tickle Monster is going to…ahhhhhhhhhh!
Assailant runs full speed at the victim thrusting her Stride Rite Death Hammers at victim"s genitals.
Me: Arghhhhhhhh! Ow! (screamed) Ow. (groaned) Ow.(whispered)
Assailant: What happened Daddy?
Me: You hurt Daddy.
Assailant: Sowee Daddy.
Me: It"s ok honey. I know you didn"t mean it.
She apologized, but apologies are just words when you puke up your spleen. Yes Noodads, I chickened out. I did not approach the subject. I avoided the difficult conversation, put my nuts in a jar and went up to my room where I puked my head off. I didn"t want o get into an anatomy lesson about the difference between girls and boys. Especially now when my daughter is in the "But why?" stage. I mean how do you explain to a 3 year old that Daddy is sick because his Nards hurt?
Do you say it is as painful as a Tittie Twister? For the record, and for the benefit of our female audience, being kicked in the beans is way more painful. Do you compare it to childbirth: the ultimate in pain and the default comeback of every mother? Your kid has no clue what that type of pain is. Maybe you should compare it to something they can understand. Maybe a line like this, "Sweetie, remember when Gaston shot the beast in the back with an arrow? Well Daddy feels like how the Beast did. Only it feels like Daddy has an arrow in my groin."
"What"s a groin daddy?"
So tell me Noodads, what would you tell your kid?
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