When Your Kid Poops The Tub

Posted on 07 24, 2008 under The Manual by Noodad | Comments

Poodad is just one of those things that you know, “Happens”. And no doubt, it will happen when your kid is in the tub. This can be caused by many factors: the warmth of the water, the stimulation in the “Poodad Area” with the washcloth, the proximity to dinnertime, or some twisted vendetta against you. Regardless of reason, you need to know what to do when this occurs.

We all joke about how much “damage” a kid can do in the diaper when it comes to dropping the deuce but there are some serious health concerns when it comes to it. Contact to the skin can cause diaper rash or worse. Ingestion can cause serious health problems. So you need to know how to contain this incident quickly and without further harm.

PREP
The first thing you be doing anyways is to prep the bath before your even put the kid in the tub. Make sure all soaps, bath toys, and washing instruments (Sponges, washcloths, etc) are within arms reach. You need to be able to access everything without taking your eyes (and depending on the age, hands) off of them. One such supply that is needed is a spread out towel. We will be needing that in step one.

STEP 1: KID FIRST, EVERYTHING ELSE SECOND
At the first sight of Black Death, remove the kid from the water immediately and wrap them in the towel. You do not want their newly cleansed body to get polluted again. If they look like they have already tainted themselves then you aren”t paying close enough attention. A point of clarification: If there is another kid in the tub, remove the non-pooping kid first, then the offender.

STEP 2: FINISH OFF THE KID
Do what you need to do with your kid first. Wipe their ass, put on a new diaper, put on the clothes and try to put them somewhere away from the water. This is where it is helpful to have a second person take the kid away so you can get down to business.

STEP 3: GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS
Use a bucket or cup to scoop out the biggest pieces first. Scoop them up and dump them into the toilet. Then work your way down to the smaller pieces until you are just scooping up little Sea Monkeys. It is in your best interest to get everything you can in this step and to not let it go down the drain.

STEP 4: CLEANING
Basically you have 2 things to clean: everything in the tub, and the tub itself. It may have been funny to think about when you were a kid, but diarrhea in a pool is no laughing matter. And even when you luck out with a solid movement, you would be surprised what little Klingons were surrounding Uranus. Do a quick once over with every toy in the tub then isolate it into another tub or bucket. Some bath toys have small holes and tubes. And if your kid is like mine, they like to suck water out of them. In some cases, where you can”t be sure it is fully clean and sanitized, you may have to sacrifice the toy to the Trash Gods.

As for how you clean it, it is entirely up to you but use yourself as a guide. After you clean it, if you are willing to lick the toy yourself, then it is clean enough. I normally run all the toys through the dishwasher to be safe. As for the tub, my friends the Scrubbing Bubbles make an appearance, followed by Soft Scrub.

STEP 5: MOVING ON
This can be a traumatic experience. It has always happened for my wife and I when we are the most stressed. Or at least it feels that way. It”s always when we are rushing to get a quick bath or when I”m out of town etc. You may try to safeguard yourself from this happening but eventually you will realize it”s a crapshoot.

Good luck noodads.

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