When Your Kids Are Bi-Racial

Posted on 10 18, 2008 under The Manual by Noodad | Comments

621353_zebraRacial equality is a hot topic in my household. Maybe it’s because my neighbor’s dog is racist. He never barks at anyone else except me. I, of course, am the only person that is not white in my entire neighborhood. If I were to decipher his angry bark I would no doubt hear, “Go back to where you come from, you foreigner.”

Seriously though, I am Chinese and my wife is not. My kids are half-chinese, half white. This creates a whole new set of topics to talk about and examples to set. Frequently, my 4 year old daughter will comment on how “Daddy is the only one in the family that has black hair.” When asked what color mommy’s hair is and what color the kid’s hair is, it seems like a lesson in color theory:

Daddy = Black hair and Mommy = light brown hair therefore, kids = dark brown hair

Although my kids are exposed to Chinese traditions, customs, and food, they are also exposed to family traditions that are not based on race. So although my kids are exposed to the tradition of exchanging red envelopes at Chinese New Year, they are also active participants in a family tradition of eating Dunkin’ Donuts Munchkins every Christmas morning.

My wife had an interesting conversation with my daughter the other day. While playing with some dolls, she remarked that one of the dolls skin is darker than the other. When my wife explained to her that some people have darker skin than others, my daughter replied, “ok.” Talk about an example of nurture versus nature. My daughter would reject a piece of bread because it was too dark but she is ok with the difference in skin color. (My wife and I were very proud)

My wife and I try our best to not stress the differences only. We have found it is important to teach our kids the similarities and the differences equally.

It is very easy for people to define our kids as half-Chinese. Sometimes the mentality, unfortunately, is if you aren’t white, you are something “exotic”. We try to teach our kids that they are part Chinese. They are also part German. And part Irish. In our predominantly white neighborhood, my wife frequently gets
asked whether our kids are adopted. When she tells them that their
father is Chinese, they step back with a big “Aha! That’s the reason.” I wonder if they would ask the same question if I pushed them around in the stroller.

I know this all seems idealistic. One big happy family living in harmony with ourselves and our traditions. But if you can’t start with your own kids, nothing will ever change.

Good luck noodads.

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Viewing 8 Comments

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    My boyfriend and I are parents to a tri-racial daughter in very conservative South Carolina. I am half black and korean and my boyfriend is white and from a very conservative family. When we were just dating, people gave us odd stares in public and now that we have a child together, the stares are only prolonged and more evident. We will try very hard to enstill a positive self image and the notion that everyone is different and everybody has a little somethin\' somethin\' in them. I think that children never see skin color initially, its the ignorance of the parents that affects their view on others. Children don\'t know the words \"nigger\" or \"chink\" until their parents teach it to them, so I\'ve found to let my child just be for now.
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    Our eldest just started kindergarden and one of the first modules is learning the differences between people. Its interesting, because I don\'t think, pre-kindergarden, he noticed color differences at all. But now, since the class, he now notices differences more. I guess it is a good thing, afterall at a certain again kids will notice the differences anyway. May as well put it in a positive light.

    On a completely different note while growing up for part of my childhood in Singapore (I white and Jewish) I remember, when traveling in more remote parts of Asia strangers coming up and patting me on my very blond hair!

    One thing I\'m curious about Noodad, do Asian people (or relatives?) give you attitude about being bi-racial?
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    Rupertz, That is interesting taht you ask that. My wife and I tend to get just as many stares from asian people. They typically look at me, look at my wife and then look down to see us holding hands.

    my relatives do not give me attitude. At least not to my face.
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    It\'s Intresting you say that I come from a family where my mother is part black and indian and my father is part white indian and german. I have four other siblings and I\'m the oldest being only 16. I dont look any where near my siblings or my father skin color wise so I can agree I\'ve had the stares and the looks and the snickers and some go as bold as to ask me if i\'ve been adopted. Both sides of my family don\'t give us attitude and couldn\'t love us more if they tried but to others we\'re seemed to be \"Odd\". I think as long as your happy and you love your family you shouldn\'t care that others are pointing and snickering.
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    Mom's Korean, and daddy's white. However, daddy's a Korean linguist. Thus, we've had an extreme awareness of our bi-racial household as things Mommy can't explain, Daddy can. And as I've gotten older, I've only appreciated my dual heritage even more! And my kids, when I have them, will be exposed to it.

    But, as children, we lived most of our lives in Korea, in military housing. So from the very beginning, we were extremely aware of racial differences (Why does everyone "on base" speak English, and everybody "off base" speak Korean? Why does our family speak Korean almost all the time, but I have to speak English at school? Et cetera.) In the end, it just made me more open-minded and accepting throughout my life, even as a child.

    So far, I think, my niece (a quarter Korean and mostly raised by her Korean grandpa and Puerto Rican (step?)grandpa) has become aware that some people are different (Korean, Chinese, Mexican, Puerto Rican....) and is both accepting of and extremely curious it. She loves learning new Korean words or new Spanish words, and when we go to a Korean restaurant, she always shouts "hello" and "thank you". :)

    Idealistic or not, the "one big happy family" can definitely live in harmony with ourselves and our traditions. We have a huge mix of Korean traditional things at our home (or did before Mama converted to a Jehovah's Witness!) and our own personal traditions, and American traditions, and it was a lot of fun. And still is. :)

    Rambling over. :D! YAY FOR CHRISTMAS. MERRY CHRISTMAS. HUGS TO THE BABIES.

    Also, moms who are not Asian tend to get the "Oh, are they adopted?" line because it's more common to see the Asian mommy and the Just Plain White (or something else, but in my case, Just Plain White. Like toast!) daddy. Dad was never asked if we were adopted, when it was just him and us, and we've noticed that in all our family. Only one of my mother's sisters married a Korean, and the only son stayed in Korea to marry a Korean. Otherwise, the other three married military men and came to America. :D
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    Well my story is this My wife had an interesting conversation with my daughter the other day. While playing with some dolls, she remarked that one of the dolls skin is darker than the other. When my wife explained to her that some people have darker skin than others, my daughter replied, “ok.” Talk about an example of nurture versus nature. My daughter would reject a piece of bread because it was too dark but she is ok with the difference in skin colors...

    Thanks and Regards
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    Well my kids are exposed to Chinese traditions, customs, and food, they are also exposed to family traditions that are not based on race. So although my kids are exposed to the tradition of exchanging red envelopes at Chinese New Year, they are also active participants in a family tradition of eating Dunkin’ Donuts Munchkins every Christmas morning.
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    I love it
 

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