When Your Kids Go On Vacation Without You

My wife and kids left this morning for a week-long trip to Florida to see Disney, and my in-laws. I stayed behind to continue to go to work and earn the dough. This isn"t the first time my wife has gone down to the Sunshine State without me. And before you go on thinking I am all work no play, we will be going to Florida for 2 full weeks in June.

The story is always the same. I will go through a rollercoaster of moods and rituals during the week they are away. Some of them will be incredibly productive. Others will be…uh…very counterproductive. Here is my itinerary for the upcoming week.

Day 1: Worry and Not Knowing What to Do With Myself
The first day apart will be filled with worry. It will be filled with questions that won"t be answered until you get the confirmation phone call:
• Did they get to the airport ok?
• Did they get through security without a hitch?
• Was the flight on time?
• Did the car rental place have their reservation?
• How was the drive?

Once I get the phone call saying everything was fine, I will stop worrying. Then the thumb twiddling kicks in. I go home from work to an empty house. I don"t know what to do with myself! You mean I can watch the Sox game in its entirety? Without switching during commercials to HGTV? You mean I can sit down and eat a meal through completion? This is great but I lack any direction.

Day 2: Binge Period
The second day comes and I realize, yes, I really can do all those things I thought of the night before. I play video games before work. I blast my stereo while in the shower. Then, on the way home from work, I stop at Best Buy to purchase a new video game or a couple of DVDs. I buy a heart attack inducing pizza and a 6 pack of beer and I play all night. I eat in the living room, straight out of the box. I crush the beer cans, burp, and throw them to the side of the room. In essence, I revert back to "college Greg".

Day 3: Realization of Productive Opportunities
The third day is met with a slight hangover, stomach ache, and dirty house. I tried to sleep in but I only managed 15 minutes past my normal baby crying alarm. I clean the house, giggling to myself the entire time because I know it will stay clean as long as I want it to. (Instead of it staying clean until the kids wake up the next morning) After surveying the clean house, grandiose ideas pop in my head of what I can do to fix the house. Do I paint the playroom? Maybe plant some flowers or fix the back door window? I start planning, plotting, scheming. Then I see the new game that I bought the night before and realize I really should get past the 5th level. I decide to think about the plans while playing. I go and order another pizza and soda this time (let"s not get too crazy here) and play the game the rest of the night.

Day 4: Loneliness and Unproductiveness
When I wake up the 4th day, I am depressed. My stomach hurts even worse than the day before. I have gained 5 pounds since Day 1. I miss my kids jumping on my bed to wake me up and I miss having my wife next to me in bed. I lay in bed for another 2 hours trying to figure out if its too early to call my wife on her cell phone. I call her and she is having fun. Then I take a 2 hour shower and try to play the video game. I hate the game now. I burned out on it too quickly. The day is filled with watching TV and sitting on the couch still in my pajamas. I skip lunch and then get hungry at 3PM. So I eat dinner at 3 and then am starving at 6. I try to call a friend. He isn"t there. My life sucks. Boy do I miss my kids.

Day 5: Planning and Scheming
Day 5 is a good day. I decide the best thing to do, for the family I miss, is to surprise them. For instance, one time, I set out to install fish tanks in every room in the house. In the end it was one fish tank but it was still a surprise. I think to myself that i need to come up with something impactful. Something that my kids can look back and refer to it as a legendary story: "Mom, remember that time when we went to Florida and when we came back, there was a petting zoo in the backyard?"

Day 5 is spent planning out the project: pricing out materials, measuring, and plotting the order of events. I decide to go back and try the game again. Life is good and my newfound optimism translates to a newfound appreciation for the game.

Day 6: Revising the Plan
When I wake up on Day 6, I begin revising my idea. The once large idea transforms into a Jinormous plan. (Example: the fish tank idea of one in every room.) I go out and buy all the materials. Half way through the day, I realize that I was overly ambitious and there is no way I can get it all finished in time. I then quickly adapt the plan and settle for something less dramatic. I rationalize that my family will just be happy to see me. I try to get a few more games in, before I go to sleep knowing this will be the last time in a while that I will get to play. I fall asleep on the couch watching SportsCenter.

Day 7: Staging the House
Like a seasoned real estate agent, I stage the house on Day 7. I eliminate all strange odors, take out the trash, clean the bathroom, go grocery shopping, take a shower, and finish the beer. Today is the big show. I need to be ready.

The Aftermath:
In the end, my family always has a great time (despite me not being there) and I end up having a vacation just like they do. So does anyone else have these experiences?