Why Are Your Kids Out of Bed? I Need to Know.

I like late night shopping. I am usually by myself but if we can find someone to watch the kids, it is just my wife and I. We usually go to a furniture store or to the mall. Sometimes we are all business, but sometimes it’s a little bit like a date. We talk about stuff we like, we talk about stuff we want and we make fun of stuff we do not understand. The other night we were at IKEA and we played a game where we tried to use the words in a sentence. For example: “These pieces were named after a not-so-well-hung designer called Diktad.” And “I will put my computer on top of this Plooder”. Then we ate some jelly rats and raspberry boats, drank some Lingonberry and took pictures of DillSill for Jiff. He is a huge fan of Swedish foods dating back to the early days ofwebcams when we used to watch the Electrolux refrigerator cam in Sweden. We still have yet to try it, but one of these days we will have to just to say we did it.

While contemplating the perfect Ingolf, Lack and Jubla, we noticed that there were quite a lot of very small kids in the store for 9:30 at night. These kids were so wound up, they barely knew which end was up. Their feet were moving like tiny Roadrunners and their heads were making coconut clunking sounded as
they smashed together. They were jumping on furniture, making vicious demands of their parents and each other and basically driving themselves as well as everyone in their immediate vicinity mad.

If this is you, I need to know: why do you have little kids:

A) up so late at night and

B) out at the store?

What did you so desperately need from IKEA at 10 o’clock at night when your children were nearing meltdown? What sort of ridiculous schedule does not permit your family to go there at a more reasonable time? Maybe IKEA is a bad example because it is typically a mad zoo during the day, so swap out IKEA for Target, KFart or Wal*Mart.